Venting i’m going to take all my pills tonight

[Oogie]

i know it probably won't kill me. they're psych meds. is it bad that i just want someone to care. i want to do damage to myself, i just am crying out for help. i feel like my boyfriend especially doesnt take me seriously.

is this bad? i know its bad.. but is it normal to think this way?

not 100% whether i wanna ctb. i'm too much of a pussy to do hanging and dont have money or access to many alternatives (SN because I live in the UK, other drugs etc)
i think the more i plan the less sense it makes. so i have no plan really. i'm just gonna wait until i get an impulse and do it. late at night.

 

[Beer_is_all_I_have]

i know it probably won't kill me. they're psych meds. is it bad that i just want someone to care. i want to do damage to myself, i just am crying out for help. i feel like my boyfriend especially doesnt take me seriously.

is this bad? i know its bad.. but is it normal to think this way?

not 100% whether i wanna ctb. i'm too much of a pussy to do hanging and dont have money or access to many alternatives (SN because I live in the UK, other drugs etc)
i think the more i plan the less sense it makes. so i have no plan really. i'm just gonna wait until i get an impulse and do it. late at night.

It sounds like a cry for help and that can be a good thing. I hope the right people care of you and true friends show to give their support. Hope you don't cause damage to yourself.

It CTB is your goal, SN is a good inexpensive choice, just be careful and the established steps.

But it seems like you're in a position where the right people can help you. Hope so

 

[newbie87]

i know it probably won't kill me. they're psych meds. is it bad that i just want someone to care. i want to do damage to myself, i just am crying out for help. i feel like my boyfriend especially doesnt take me seriously.

is this bad? i know its bad.. but is it normal to think this way?

not 100% whether i wanna ctb. i'm too much of a pussy to do hanging and dont have money or access to many alternatives (SN because I live in the UK, other drugs etc)
i think the more i plan the less sense it makes. so i have no plan really. i'm just gonna wait until i get an impulse and do it. late at night.

Please don't do that. From experience I can tell you that this won't work for CTB. From what are you writing I can see you are young. If you take all the pills there are high probabilities for you to pass out only temporarily, then wake for puking, you can wake up at the hospital with a tube on your mouth to suck all your stomach contents, and believe me, this is awful. You can be sedated in part but you will regret what you have done. I recommend you to visit your psychologist or psychiatrist and tell them the medication they are giving to you is not having the effect expected (it is very difficult, can take months to work, and it's different for everyone).

Please, calm down, think about it, go for a walk, distract yourself and think over other things before proceeding with what you stated.

This is just a little word to help you think in another way.

I know it's difficult, but think in the consequences for your body, as the medications won't kill you but will create a very bad experience.

 

[wetrus]

i know it probably won't kill me. they're psych meds. is it bad that i just want someone to care. i want to do damage to myself, i just am crying out for help. i feel like my boyfriend especially doesnt take me seriously.

is this bad? i know its bad.. but is it normal to think this way?

not 100% whether i wanna ctb. i'm too much of a pussy to do hanging and dont have money or access to many alternatives (SN because I live in the UK, other drugs etc)
i think the more i plan the less sense it makes. so i have no plan really. i'm just gonna wait until i get an impulse and do it. late at night.

It's not bad wanting people to care!!!
Look, is sharing your feelings a option at all? By that I mean really all of it, do you want the people you care about to help you?? I understand it'll be hard to do so, but it's an easier option than harming yourself to prove your point - since you're not sure you want to CTB.

A legitimate ask for help will go a long way; sometimes a legitimate ask for help (as in: a literal ask for help) will make it easier for the listener to act since you have an actual action they can base off of.

 

[ghqkiiia2]

Please don't do that. From experience I can tell you that this won't work for CTB. From what are you writing I can see you are young. If you take all the pills there are high probabilities for you to pass out only temporarily, then wake for puking, you can wake up at the hospital with a tube on your mouth to suck all your stomach contents, and believe me, this is awful. You can be sedated in part but you will regret what you have done. I recommend you to visit your psychologist or psychiatrist and tell them the medication they are giving to you is not having the effect expected (it is very difficult, can take months to work, and it's different for everyone).

Please, calm down, think about it, go for a walk, distract yourself and think over other things before proceeding with what you stated.

This is just a little word to help you think in another way.

I know it's difficult, but think in the consequences for your body, as the medications won't kill you but will create a very bad experience.

I agree with this post, especially Oogie didn't mention what pills in specific.
Overdose on Non-BZD sleeping drugs would basically be ok, nothing but a long sleep.
Overdose on SSRIs could leads to serotonin syndrome, which leads to unpleasant side effects, and in worst scenario could be fatal.
Overdose on Painkiller or anti-Seizures could hurts your liver or/and kidney.
These a just a tip of the iceberg from my very limited knowledge, let alone the danger of involuntary hospitalization as others had mentioned above.
Wish you well, but please think twice before doing so!

 

[Graytaichi]

So u want to have a low rate of success but having liver or and organs permantely damage just for the attention. You are clearly not being rational. U dont have to rush to ctb by getting your hands on anything u can. Drinking bleach power is deadly but why people dont do it. There are so many things at home u can ctb with . Why people dont use them because of the risk of failure. U CAN DIE BUT U CANNOT SUFFER PERMANENT DAMAGE TO YOURSELF.
SSRIS ARE A JOKE . TCM ARE A JOKE.

 

[Graytaichi]

OP go ahead and try. Get the attention u need. The psy med wont kill u , i can guaranteed that. The only attention u will get is you are not rational, harm those who cares abt you. If you are trying to change the persective of some prolifers , they will see u as a joke not pity. I can assure that.

 

[Suicidebydeath]

OP go ahead and try. Get the attention u need. The psy med wont kill u , i can guaranteed that. The only attention u will get is you are not rational, harm those who cares abt you. If you are trying to change the persective of some prolifers , they will see u as a joke not pity. I can assure that.

I get what you are saying, it's like a "hard pill to swallow / reverse psychology " approach. That can be tough on some people, it looks rough from the outside. I also don't think they should attempt something which will cause them harm. It's difficult to know for sure what will help OP in this situation.

 

[wetrus]

I get what you are saying, it's like a "hard pill to swallow / reverse psychology " approach. That can be tough on some people, it looks rough from the outside. I also don't think they should attempt something which will cause them harm. It's difficult to know for sure what will help OP in this situation.

I think opening up verbally about everything with a literal ask for help could be a good option, people get lost trying to understand something they don't, doesn't matter how much they care about you, if they don't understand it, they won't know what to do unless you give them "instructions".

Asking something like "I need help going to the psychiatrist, can you please help me" (for eg) could give the listening person directions on what to do, instead of being lost in a ocean of emotions.

Being verbally open might be harder than hurting yourself, mentally speaking; but it's a way better approach for yourself and the listener. If you want help that is. Sometimes it's even hard for the person itself to define in which ways they want help, so contacting a good professional might be a way to kick things off.

 

[Regen]

I can understand very well why you want to do this. You feel so incredibly helpless because nothing else works. You want so much for someone to finally take care of you. Maybe your plan will work out. But maybe you'll have a seizure and brain damage from cerebral edema. Or your heart, liver or kidneys are destroyed. In most cases, a suicide attempt will not change anything fundamentally in the long run. Perhaps a compromise would be to make yourself look so suicidal in front of professionals that your friend would worry. Or you could threaten to cut the veins. Neither of these is a good idea, but it's still better than randomly taking drugs and perhaps suffering permanent damage. Unfortunately, it almost never works out like it does on TV. I hope you find a way to get help!!!

 

[Suicidebydeath]

Perhaps a compromise would be to make yourself look so suicidal in front of professionals that your friend would worry.

I was thinking the same thing tbh. I did something similar, can't report yet whether it really worked to my benefit or not yet, everything feels like a useless snail's pace in UK. I'm hesitant to suggest to do what I did because its a hair's breadth away from actual serious harm and death, and I was attempting to work myself up to go through with the whole shebang. I'd hope there's another avenue of seeking help before reaching that point.

With OP's condition and circumstances I worry that there's serious risk of their liberties being taken away from them if they present themselves as 'too suicidal'. Also I don't know what is going on inside their bf's head to be able to suggest anything. I really don't know what's best.

 

[FuneralCry]

I think that I would personally not attempt if the method is guaranteed to fail. Failing the method and ending up with damage is what I fear. I'm sorry that you are in this situation. Living really is so painful and it is sad how so many of us live lives filled with suffering. I hope that in whatever happens, you find relief from what you are going through. Best wishes.

 

[Forever Sleep]

Have you told friends/loved ones just how low you feel? That may be enough to make them behave differently towards you. Not so much a rant of all that's troubling you but a more rational- 'I seriously don't feel like I can cope and I really need support' type thing.

Please don't take a bunch of pills. I'm no chemist but I know OD-ing on some meds can cause major organ failure without death. It may have seemed like you've gotten what you wanted with love and support in the short term but the rest of your life on dialysis or whatever is unlikely to compensate. I'm so sorry you are in such a bad place and are feeling so desperate but please don't do something that could easily make your life infinitely worse. I really hope things get better for you.

 

[Nirrend]

i know it probably won't kill me. they're psych meds. is it bad that i just want someone to care. i want to do damage to myself, i just am crying out for help. i feel like my boyfriend especially doesnt take me seriously.

is this bad? i know its bad.. but is it normal to think this way?

not 100% whether i wanna ctb. i'm too much of a pussy to do hanging and dont have money or access to many alternatives (SN because I live in the UK, other drugs etc)
i think the more i plan the less sense it makes. so i have no plan really. i'm just gonna wait until i get an impulse and do it. late at night.

I'm sorry to hear that you are suffering ... I can only wish you peace <3

 

[Oogie]

thanks for all the kind and tolerant responses. i realise now i was being irrational. i didnt take the pills

 

[newbie87]

thanks for all the kind and tolerant responses. i realise now i was being irrational. i didnt take the pills

Glad to know it. Take care

 

[Regen]

That's great! Please keep on fighting!!

 

[castler]

thanks for all the kind and tolerant responses. i realise now i was being irrational. i didnt take the pills

I thought myself downing like half bottle aspirin w/ some zzzquil for what I was going to do, that contained 10% alc but backed out as I didn't want the neg side effects that in the end would not accomplish what I set out to do. And where I'll do it (when the time is right) I won't be found, so I have to get it right on try 1.