Venting I'm going to lose my only friend

[Sanva]

Basically my only friend kind of wants a relationship with me. I told him before I don't want that but he keeps talking about it like we can make it happen in the future. I know I'm such an evil person for friendzoning him and bla bla bla but he's genuinely just so important to me. He's my only friend. I don't feel attracted to him at all. To be honest, I've "liked" people in the past but I've never been in love and I don't know if I'm even capable of that.

I just don't see much of a point in relationships. Guys get infatuated cause omg a gamer grill and whatever but they drop me once they realize I'm an autistic failure. It's just too much for most people to handle and I don't blame them. But I'm tired of being replaced over and over. I don't want a partner, I just want a friend.

I guess it's a shitty thing to let him believe that something might happen between us in the future, so I have to make it clear that I won't ever want a relationship. Which probably means losing him. I'm going to be all alone. I think I'm going to go insane sitting in my apartment with no one to talk to. I'll have to ctb asap.

 

[that_guy2611]

nice profile pic

 

[Feeding Pigeons]

You're not friendzoning him if you outright tell him theres no chance. If he doesn't respect that, he wasn't a friend to begin with.

 

[whatevs]

Yeah, you have to tell him the truth and be firm about it, but also make it clear that you value and need his friendship.

Just be honest about how lonely you would be without your only friend.

 

[Nightmare Painting]

Loneliness is soul crushing so I understand why you'd want to leave over losing your only friend but I do think it's possible for you to find other people to connect to. I know it's hard if not almost impossible when you've always felt different and suicidal but I do hope you keep trying to find someone that values you as a person. What I said probably comes off as naively optimistic and cliche but I suppose I just don't want you to end up like my socially inept and isolated self.

 

[Sanva]

nice profile pic

Loneliness is soul crushing so I understand why you'd want to leave over losing your only friend but I do think it's possible for you to find other people to connect to. I know it's hard if not almost impossible when you've always felt different and suicidal but I do hope you keep trying to find someone that values you as a person. What I said probably comes off as naively optimistic and cliche but I suppose I just don't want you to end up like my socially inept and isolated self

too late, I'm already socially inept and basically completely isolated from society apart from him. thank you though.

 

[Live Free or Die]

Be honest and clear with him. He will probably be hurt and maybe want some distance for a little while. If he is your true friend he will understand and come back around. Your true friend will want the best for you and support you.

At least this what I think is supposed to happen

What would I know? I've got rid of all my friends because when I was at my lowest they couldn't be bothered

 

[yo_no_soy_el_pollo2]

I'm one of those people that doesn't think that the friendzone exists. You are either romantically and physically attracted to someone, or you aren't. I think communication and honesty are required for any healthy relationship, be it romantic or platonic. I have had at least a couple of friends that I have asked out and was turned down, and we still remained friends afterward. As long as you are kindly communicating your feelings, that is really all you can do. If he still refuses to respect your feelings, then he is in the wrong. I'm sorry but I don't think it's really possible to intentionally change another person for the better, they have to do it themselves.

 

[FuneralCry]

It is perfectly understandable just wanting a friend. I hate the sound of relationships. While I would rather stay away from others, I know loneliness can be very painful for many people. I'm sorry you are in this situation. I wish you the best in whatever happens.

 

[ColorlessTrees]

I'm so sorry things have turned out this way. I've been on both ends of a situation like this, and I just have to say that a true friend will get over it. If he really values you, he won't push boundaries even though the rejection stings. I understand it's especially rough to face if things don't pan out nicely, though.

In the end, honesty is the best policy, but it's possible to be tactful while establishing clear, platonic boundaries. You could always tell him that you simply aren't ready for a relationship in the forseeable future, that way it isn't quite so personal. I'm here if you need to talk to someone, too; I'll always listen.

 

[whywhywhy]

Basically my only friend kind of wants a relationship with me. I told him before I don't want that but he keeps talking about it like we can make it happen in the future. I know I'm such an evil person for friendzoning him and bla bla bla but he's genuinely just so important to me. He's my only friend. I don't feel attracted to him at all. To be honest, I've "liked" people in the past but I've never been in love and I don't know if I'm even capable of that.

I just don't see much of a point in relationships. Guys get infatuated cause omg a gamer grill and whatever but they drop me once they realize I'm an autistic failure. It's just too much for most people to handle and I don't blame them. But I'm tired of being replaced over and over. I don't want a partner, I just want a friend.

I guess it's a shitty thing to let him believe that something might happen between us in the future, so I have to make it clear that I won't ever want a relationship. Which probably means losing him. I'm going to be all alone. I think I'm going to go insane sitting in my apartment with no one to talk to. I'll have to ctb asap.

As a fellow socially inept person I believe you can keep your friends as long as you keep in touch with them which is what I failed at doing tbh. In the end there are tons of friendships that end because you get lazy and stop trying to hang out. When you get older you start losing your school/college friends and you really value those people who keep trying to stay in touch. Its different though if the other person just cut ties with you but I dont see how this could happen if you two are good friends.

 

[Someone123]

Basically my only friend kind of wants a relationship with me. I told him before I don't want that but he keeps talking about it like we can make it happen in the future. I know I'm such an evil person for friendzoning him and bla bla bla but he's genuinely just so important to me. He's my only friend. I don't feel attracted to him at all. To be honest, I've "liked" people in the past but I've never been in love and I don't know if I'm even capable of that.

I just don't see much of a point in relationships. Guys get infatuated cause omg a gamer grill and whatever but they drop me once they realize I'm an autistic failure. It's just too much for most people to handle and I don't blame them. But I'm tired of being replaced over and over. I don't want a partner, I just want a friend.

I guess it's a shitty thing to let him believe that something might happen between us in the future, so I have to make it clear that I won't ever want a relationship. Which probably means losing him. I'm going to be all alone. I think I'm going to go insane sitting in my apartment with no one to talk to. I'll have to ctb asap.

He's not a good enough friend if he will drop you for not wanting a relationship, in my opinion.

 

[Antigonish]

Basically my only friend kind of wants a relationship with me. I told him before I don't want that but he keeps talking about it like we can make it happen in the future. I know I'm such an evil person for friendzoning him and bla bla bla but he's genuinely just so important to me. He's my only friend. I don't feel attracted to him at all. To be honest, I've "liked" people in the past but I've never been in love and I don't know if I'm even capable of that.

I just don't see much of a point in relationships. Guys get infatuated cause omg a gamer grill and whatever but they drop me once they realize I'm an autistic failure. It's just too much for most people to handle and I don't blame them. But I'm tired of being replaced over and over. I don't want a partner, I just want a friend.

I guess it's a shitty thing to let him believe that something might happen between us in the future, so I have to make it clear that I won't ever want a relationship. Which probably means losing him. I'm going to be all alone. I think I'm going to go insane sitting in my apartment with no one to talk to. I'll have to ctb asap.

It'd help if you told them exactly what you just told us.
Fear of losing them could be what causes you to actually lose them. Not being direct could lead them on, and hurt them even more. Being mindful of their feelings is a strong part to trying to be a good friend. And honesty is the best way to salvage that. Simply telling them I love you like a brother helps. And if that doesn't work, tell them they're like a son to you. That definitely kills the boners everytime.

But on another note. If they can't accept that you just want friendship. Then they were never your friend in the first place; and its probably not what they were initially seeking.

 

[OrcWitch]

I'm sorry you get replaced over and over. That's hard to deal with. I hope this isn't too blunt but you're probably familiar with people saying things like "well they weren't your friend to begin with" when someone gets abandoned. Guys that jump ship probably only wanted a gamer girl gf from the very start, they weren't real friends. I hope this one sticks around.

 

[Sanva]

thank you guys for your responses, you don't know how much it means to me. this is the only place on the planet where people are nice to me.

I told him the truth and he said he'll need some time, which i understand. I feel like a shitty person for hurting him and I'm scared that I was a bit harsh but I really just wanted to be honest. and i don't think he wants to stop being friends. i suppose that's good. I'm going to try to at least make it to april.

 

[SofterSoftest]

Basically my only friend kind of wants a relationship with me. I told him before I don't want that but he keeps talking about it like we can make it happen in the future. I know I'm such an evil person for friendzoning him and bla bla bla but he's genuinely just so important to me. He's my only friend. I don't feel attracted to him at all. To be honest, I've "liked" people in the past but I've never been in love and I don't know if I'm even capable of that.

I just don't see much of a point in relationships. Guys get infatuated cause omg a gamer grill and whatever but they drop me once they realize I'm an autistic failure. It's just too much for most people to handle and I don't blame them. But I'm tired of being replaced over and over. I don't want a partner, I just want a friend.

I guess it's a shitty thing to let him believe that something might happen between us in the future, so I have to make it clear that I won't ever want a relationship. Which probably means losing him. I'm going to be all alone. I think I'm going to go insane sitting in my apartment with no one to talk to. I'll have to ctb asap.

I'm so sorry about this. You are doing nothing wrong in being honest with him, and I really hope he understands that you can't control whether or not you are attracted to him. I can totally empathize with your need for friendship. Having a SO has not really quelled my feelings of loneliness because I still long for real, genuine friends. I had them for a while, but then my life fell apart with loss/grief, an inhumane work schedule, and the onset of intense depression/CTB feelings.

You are not replaceable. You sound like a kind and sweet soul, and it makes me genuinely sad to hear you talk about your loneliness. I really hope you find people to talk to and true friendships.

 

[Sanva]

[Comment deleted]

I'm sorry you're going through that. I've attempted to date people I didn't find attractive/didn't like in that way in the past, because everyone tells you to be less superficial and whatever and it just feels wrong. I think you should make it clear that you don't want a relationship with him, you don't have to say "i never liked you in that way" but you could say something like you're very focused on college so you just can't see yourself being in a relationship even in the future.

and i have to say he sounds very pushy, seeing how he kept insisting on a relationship and how he keeps trying to hook up with you even though you obviously don't want to. But I know it's hard to be alone. All I can offer is I'm here if you need to talk. I hope things work out for you.

 

[JustAMatterOfTime]

Don't feel bad, is not your fault at all, he should respect boundaries, is very hard when autistic I know.