Venting I'm going to die alone, worthless, having achieved nothing and having ruined everything I touched.

[JustKillBen22]

I have driven away basically every person I had in my life, I am so toxic and my depression and anxiety damages people around me. I've made myself alone, I've never been in love, I've never had someone fall in love with me, all my friends gave up, and it's my fault.
I've never had a proper job, I never even really tried because I'm so fucking lazy and garbage, and my anxiety stops me even believing I could get or do a job.
Everything I attempt, everything I touch, it all turns to shit, it all goes wrong as soon as I get involved. I don't have fun anymore with anything, I'm just angry or upset all the time.
I look like shit, I have no motivation, no effort, I can't even get out of bed some days, hell I can't even walk the 30 minutes to a bridge to jump off it.
I am going to die a failure in every way imaginable, because that's what I am, it's who I will always be, and whether I die today, or this week, or this year, or in the next 10 years, I'll still be this useless failure that everybody gave up on. Because how could you not give up on someone who gave up on himself when he was born.

 

[mahakaliSS_MahaDurga]

I have driven away basically every person I had in my life, I am so toxic and my depression and anxiety damages people around me. I've made myself alone, I've never been in love, I've never had someone fall in love with me, all my friends gave up, and it's my fault.
I've never had a proper job, I never even really tried because I'm so fucking lazy and garbage, and my anxiety stops me even believing I could get or do a job.
Everything I attempt, everything I touch, it all turns to shit, it all goes wrong as soon as I get involved. I don't have fun anymore with anything, I'm just angry or upset all the time.
I look like shit, I have no motivation, no effort, I can't even get out of bed some days, hell I can't even walk the 30 minutes to a bridge to jump off it.
I am going to die a failure in every way imaginable, because that's what I am, it's who I will always be, and whether I die today, or this week, or this year, or in the next 10 years, I'll still be this useless failure that everybody gave up on. Because how could you not give up on someone who gave up on himself when he was born.

I can relate to some of the things you wrote. If you are not planning to kill yourself anytime soon, I would suggest that you try to change your routine a bit, give yourself a task to do every day. Such as, I don't know, wash the dishes, go for a 10-minute walk, do jumping jacks, anything really to snap you out of lethargy for a bit. I know this sounds awfully stupid and trivial, but you gotta take action, one way or the other.

 

[sadworld]

I'm sorry to hear all that. They sadly just give up on people like us... Sending hugs

 

[FarAcrossTheWater]

I'm sorry life has been so cruel to you. I hope you find peace in some way, shape, or form.

 

[rt1989526]

Me too!

 

[Noriv159]

I have driven away basically every person I had in my life, I am so toxic and my depression and anxiety damages people around me. I've made myself alone, I've never been in love, I've never had someone fall in love with me, all my friends gave up, and it's my fault.
I've never had a proper job, I never even really tried because I'm so fucking lazy and garbage, and my anxiety stops me even believing I could get or do a job.
Everything I attempt, everything I touch, it all turns to shit, it all goes wrong as soon as I get involved. I don't have fun anymore with anything, I'm just angry or upset all the time.
I look like shit, I have no motivation, no effort, I can't even get out of bed some days, hell I can't even walk the 30 minutes to a bridge to jump off it.
I am going to die a failure in every way imaginable, because that's what I am, it's who I will always be, and whether I die today, or this week, or this year, or in the next 10 years, I'll still be this useless failure that everybody gave up on. Because how could you not give up on someone who gave up on himself when he was born.

Ah, my twin, perhaps? (Hugs) you're not alone.

 

[JustKillBen22]

I can relate to some of the things you wrote. If you are not planning to kill yourself anytime soon, I would suggest that you try to change your routine a bit, give yourself a task to do every day. Such as, I don't know, wash the dishes, go for a 10-minute walk, do jumping jacks, anything really to snap you out of lethargy for a bit. I know this sounds awfully stupid and trivial, but you gotta take action, one way or the other.

Thing is I can do stuff like that, and sometimes I do, but then I'm like 'well if I can just die why bother?' and I sleep for a week. I'll probably be gone soon anyway, I thought I had someone to stick around for, I really did, but I think that's over now, so it's just on me to have the guts to jump now.