I'm going to CTB soon

[Deleted member 23774]

I'm trying to figure out if I should CTB before Christmas. I have everything that I need to CTB, I have the SN, the antipsychotic, and the tagamet. All that I have to figure out is where I'm going to do it. I really don't want to do it in my apartment because I'm not sure if the landlord would try to take my family to court because I committed suicide in my apartment. The thing that really sucks is that I don't drive so I will not be able to go into the woods and I can't afford a motel room. I would need to go somewhere that a taxi can take where I won't be found. I thought of a couple places, but I'm just not sure if it will be secluded enough.

I really need to CTB, I just can't handle the loneliness and the seclusion anymore, even if there wasn't the covid I would still be alone. I've made a lot of mistakes in my past and the consequences of it is only having a few friends and my family. I am working on becoming a better person and changing, but it won't make a difference. I don't fit in anywhere and I'm not even sure if I even fit in this group. It is very hard for me to communicate and it is hard to make and keep friends.

I totally feel like it will be better that I'm gone, better for myself and for other people. My life is basically hell, it has been since I was a child. I see that death will be my only way to finally get peace. I've only have two things that I need to do get my will finished and tidy up my place so I should be able to do this soon.

I'm glad that not many people will be affected by my death and most people won't even care. It just sucks that I used to treat people so bad and that I haven't made a positive impact and also that I won't leave a legacy. I really haven't made a difference at all. I'm really glad that there is this forum that I can go to and not really get judged. I can talk about wanting to die and nobody will try to talk me out of it. This seems like a safe place for me.

 

[LittleBabyNothing]

Keep talking, it sounds like you have a lot to say yet.
As for where and when, only you'll know what is best for you. Sometimes we have to settle for less than best though, you have a lot to consider practically. You've got your tickets though so can now take time to CTB only when you're ready.

 

[Deleted member 23774]

Keep talking, it sounds like you have a lot to say yet.
As for where and when, only you'll know what is best for you. Sometimes we have to settle for less than best though, you have a lot to consider practically. You've got your tickets though so can now take time to CTB only when you're ready.

Yeah, I have a lot to say, but I'm not sure if anyone wants to hear it.

 

[SuicideRed]

I'm here if you want to talk.

 

[I screwed up]

We are all here for u .. U can vent as much as u want we will be here for u supporting u ... This is the beauty of this community. Hugs

 

[Deleted member 23774]

We are all here for u .. U can vent as much as u want we will be here for u supporting u ... This is the beauty of this community. Hugs

Thank you, I just feel like I don't belong anywhere.

 

[justpeachy]

I am not sure what country you are from (you do not have to say and please be careful if you choose to as this board is now in public attention on news sites etc and if you say little things about you just here and there someone may be able to put together your identity based on linking it all together by searching your history) so I can't be sure but in most places nobody is going to be taken to court after a family member completes suicide. Even places where suicide is technically illegal it's uncommon. That not to say some places in the middle east, or asia may not still do this but the large majority of places would not.