Discussion Im going soon but I have a dilemma.

[UselessNobody]

You see no one wants me and Im fine with that even my own family.


Up to this point I always thought to be kind and all that and trying to easy their suffering by causing as little pain as I can if thats even possible, but lately Im pretty tired of it all and Im sick of being treated like trash and being used and abused only to hide it and act kind towards everyone.


After all why shouldnt I inflict as much pain as I can as I go? Shouldnt I make them remember all the pain they caused me for the rest of their lives? I dont care if Im being evil anymore, why not? I cant find a good reason not to be. I really want everyone to suffer and I feel like writing a note mentioning how much I despise them and also mentioning its their fault entirely.

Why or why not? Id like a second opinion or help/advice/something.

 

[Shoopie]

Life is full of people who mistake kindness for weakness. These people need to be told in my opinion, although I'm talking generally not necessarily in a suicide note.

Ultimately you do what you feel is right.

 

[DoNotLet2]

I'm not going to go soon but I like you. Very much relatable.
I think you should make it very clear and leave wiggle room. If they are toxic they may have hard time understanding what you meant.

 

[autumnal]

You see no one wants me and Im fine with that even my own family.


Up to this point I always thought to be kind and all that and trying to easy their suffering by causing as little pain as I can if thats even possible, but lately Im pretty tired of it all and Im sick of being treated like trash and being used and abused only to hide it and act kind towards everyone.


After all why shouldnt I inflict as much pain as I can as I go? Shouldnt I make them remember all the pain they caused me for the rest of their lives? I dont care if Im being evil anymore, why not? I cant find a good reason not to be. I really want everyone to suffer and I feel like writing a note mentioning how much I despise them and also mentioning its their fault entirely.

Why or why not? Id like a second opinion or help/advice/something.

It's ultimately up to you and your own feelings about the situation.

Do bear in mind that certain toxic people will either be unaffected by your blaming note, or will dismiss your opinions (to themselves and others) as merely being symptoms of the mental condition they say led to your suicide.

It's also important to make sure that you are being accurate in your perceptions when you write a blaming note. There are some people who will take the criticism very badly, and you need to be absolutely sure that, when you are feeling calm and collected, you still believe they are responsible and deserving of blame. We all sometimes say things we don't mean (or only partially mean) when we are upset and emotional. In everyday life, this can be remedied with an apology after things calm down. In suicide notes, such outbursts are permanent. Writing the notes, and then sleeping on it and reading them the next day might be one good example of this technique.

The final consideration is about how you want to be remembered. We all have no exact control over that outcome, but what we do in our suicide notes and attempt itself can help influence this. Do you want to be remembered as someone who was blunt and honest in blaming those who had wronged them? But what if many people don't believe your blame is warranted? In that situation, do you want to be (mis)remembered as someone who was petty and vindictive in their final moments? Do you believe there is a certain stoic dignity in suiciding without assigning blame to people? These are all things to consider.

Ultimately, though, remember that we never truly have control over anything that happens after we die (apart from wills and inheritance). But not social or emotional consequences. Some people (not you) cling on to the misconception that they can determine what happens after they die in a kind of desperate attempt to symbolically live on. They may have 'plans' as to how certain people will react, and this may bring them comfort. However, there are never any such guarantees.

 

[Iwantoutrightnow]

The only thing is you don't know how they will react. I would like the person who has hurt me in life to hurt in some way, to feel remorse or guilt or something unpleasant but it's highly unlikely. He has no regard for me in life so he probably won't care about my death. I would like to comment on the serious failings of the mental health system in the UK but I'm sure it would fall on deaf ears. I don't want the people I care about to be upset and I don't want to traumatise innocent people.but the fact is that I won't know what anyone thinks when I ctb. Whatever my intentions are for others I won't know.

 

[RileyTanaka]

I'm sorry for what you're going through. I know what it's like coming from abusive family, and the deep resentment that comes with it.

I guess you're going to have to ask yourself what your objective to writing such a note is. Do you just want your family to know how their actions affected you without the negative consequence that would happen in your living state? Or do you just want to inflict the maximum amount of pain, guilt, and sadness possible after your death? Since you will be gone, it's not as if that guilt will be redemptive in any way, becauseit would have been better for you to live and be treated fairly. So there is no real justice there. But if you think it's still worth it for them to know how their actions impacted you - even if you can't be there to see their reaction - then I guess you'd have your answer.

A lot of people here will advise you to be kind and peaceful at all costs, even in your suicide notes, but I am not of that opinion. I believe some (operative word: some) people need to know how their actions and treatment toward you contributed to your suffering. For all you know, it could prevent them from doing the same to someone else in their life.

If it means anything, my notes to my family aren't going to be especially loving but they will be fair and honest. To the few people who betrayed or threw me away at my absolute lowest point, they will be getting some rather brutal boomerang e-mails from me later.