Backwoodsqueer
Member
- May 27, 2019
- 57
Hello, all! This is my first post here but I've been lurking for quite a while as I researched methods. I think I've settled on ordering some SN since I'm on limited income and can't afford N. I have zofran, meto (in both liquid and pill form), haloparidol, domperidone, klonopin, famotidine, amitriptyline, and a lot of marijuana. I saw amitriptyline in the pph but I would have to save up pills for over a year to achieve the dose required and I just don't have that kind of time. I'm hoping the other drugs I have will be sufficient when combined with SN. I have alcohol but that tends to make me vomit so I don't think it will help in ctb. Is there anything else I should look at obtaining?
I live with chronic pain, have zero social life, literally no friends, and really feel that I'm more of a burden than anything else. I can't work or drive. I can almost guarantee that the people I live with wouldn't want me here if they weren't getting paid for my presence. I'm cheaper rent, a paycheck, and an emotional punching bag. My life, emotions, and needs aren't a concern of anyone else, on any level. I feel like every day I'm still here is just another day of being wasted space and the way to fix that is by eliminating the problem.
My final thought is where I'll ctb. I'd hate for the people I live with to have to go through finding my body. I wouldn't want *anyone* to have to see that. There's a very large wilderness park a few cities over, and I'm heavily contemplating taking public transportation there and then finding me a nice spot underneath some trees, deep in the park. This park was a favorite place to go of my best friend who ctb a few years ago, so it almost feels right to do it there- like it will make me closer to him. If not that, then my next idea is renting a hotel room. I would have to make up a story about why I'm going there, but I think I could figure it out.
I'm honestly unsure fully of why I'm making this post. I think its partially to make sure I have everything in order, and partially to share my journey with others in the same boat. I plan on updating when I've acquired my SN and begin following through with the process.
If you read everything, thank you. It feels good to know that there are people listening even if they aren't the people physically in my life.
I live with chronic pain, have zero social life, literally no friends, and really feel that I'm more of a burden than anything else. I can't work or drive. I can almost guarantee that the people I live with wouldn't want me here if they weren't getting paid for my presence. I'm cheaper rent, a paycheck, and an emotional punching bag. My life, emotions, and needs aren't a concern of anyone else, on any level. I feel like every day I'm still here is just another day of being wasted space and the way to fix that is by eliminating the problem.
My final thought is where I'll ctb. I'd hate for the people I live with to have to go through finding my body. I wouldn't want *anyone* to have to see that. There's a very large wilderness park a few cities over, and I'm heavily contemplating taking public transportation there and then finding me a nice spot underneath some trees, deep in the park. This park was a favorite place to go of my best friend who ctb a few years ago, so it almost feels right to do it there- like it will make me closer to him. If not that, then my next idea is renting a hotel room. I would have to make up a story about why I'm going there, but I think I could figure it out.
I'm honestly unsure fully of why I'm making this post. I think its partially to make sure I have everything in order, and partially to share my journey with others in the same boat. I plan on updating when I've acquired my SN and begin following through with the process.
If you read everything, thank you. It feels good to know that there are people listening even if they aren't the people physically in my life.
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