marooned123
Member
- Jul 2, 2023
- 18
I've decided on my method. I have plenty of propranolol, amitriptyline, etc. to stop my heart. I'll eat a small meal and take an antiemetic to keep from throwing up. I'll take the doses a little at a time. I'll have a double trash bag ready for when I'm almost asleep. I have a buckled strap with Velcro that I got just for this, when I think I'm close to passing out, I'll fasten it securely around my neck. It won't need to be tight, just enough to deprive me of oxygen. I have a tarp for the floor so I won't ruin anything after I pass. I'll just fall asleep and never wake up. I'll make arrangements for my ESA to be taken care of. I'll have messages and/or emails pre-written and scheduled for the next day so the police can find me and my family won't have to. I'm just scared as hell. Damn SI. I'm such a chicken. I thought about getting a partner but I don't trust anyone anymore anyway plus I don't want to be responsible for someone else's death. Only question is, the thoughts are always there, when will they get so bad that I finally can do it? Will the prep scare me out of doing it again? I told my dad that if he ever found me he wouldn't try to save me. He promised me. He's 86 years old and understands how horrible life can be and he knows I've struggled my whole life. I was doing well in therapy and then my trauma counselor resigned due to health reasons. I was about to start EMDR, etc. I have tried almost every counselor near me and they seem to take everything either too seriously or too lightly. Like Goldilocks. What happened at the end of that fairytale? Did the bear eat her? I don't remember.
