Venting I'm getting burnt out

[24SecondsTillDawn]

Hi, I just kinda wanna post about how I have been feeling lately. I don't expect anyone to respond, I just feel like talking about stuff I can't talk to anyone about.

I have college classes and I'm working 4 days a week and I'm getting so tired. I am the type of person who will sign themselves up for a huge workload and then realize I can't handle it but deal with it out of fear of embarrassment. Because of this, I have to max out my college schedule each semester (taking 4 classes a semester) and on top of that I have work. It may not seem like a lot and it wasn't at first but my classes are getting harder as they are no longer just gen ed classes and I have been getting in depressive moods and isolating myself a lot. I love my few friends but I dread talking to anyone most of the time now. My anxiety has been getting really bad again too.

I think about suicide nightly at this point. A few years ago I thought of it more as a passing thought or a last resort but now it feels more like one of my main options. I hate the overwhelming embarrassment I feel every night from things that happened years ago, I hate constantly being in physical pain, I hate wanting to self-harm, I hate how self-harming gives me more anxiety about someone finding out, and I hate feeling like everyone is constantly judging me and that everyone makes fun of me behind my back. I'm so tired of my brain running a mile a minute making me feel worse and worse. There are things I want to do but I feel like I don't have the energy to do anything. School and work have become my whole life, I have no hobbies, I'm constantly tired, and I'm losing my friends.

I don't know if I will ctb or not. The only one who keeps me from going through with something is my dad, I can't do that to him but if something does happen to him I don't think I have a reason to stay. I fear as I continue through college I will reach my limit but I cant stop to take a break and try to focus on myself, I don't have the time so I'm trying to rush through it but i'm only making things worse but I can't slow down at this point. Everything is so frustrating and the only one I can blame is myself.

 

[The anhedonic one]

Hi, I just kinda wanna post about how I have been feeling lately. I don't expect anyone to respond, I just feel like talking about stuff I can't talk to anyone about.

I have college classes and I'm working 4 days a week and I'm getting so tired. I am the type of person who will sign themselves up for a huge workload and then realize I can't handle it but deal with it out of fear of embarrassment. Because of this, I have to max out my college schedule each semester (taking 4 classes a semester) and on top of that I have work. It may not seem like a lot and it wasn't at first but my classes are getting harder as they are no longer just gen ed classes and I have been getting in depressive moods and isolating myself a lot. I love my few friends but I dread talking to anyone most of the time now. My anxiety has been getting really bad again too.

I think about suicide nightly at this point. A few years ago I thought of it more as a passing thought or a last resort but now it feels more like one of my main options. I hate the overwhelming embarrassment I feel every night from things that happened years ago, I hate constantly being in physical pain, I hate wanting to self-harm, I hate how self-harming gives me more anxiety about someone finding out, and I hate feeling like everyone is constantly judging me and that everyone makes fun of me behind my back. I'm so tired of my brain running a mile a minute making me feel worse and worse. There are things I want to do but I feel like I don't have the energy to do anything. School and work have become my whole life, I have no hobbies, I'm constantly tired, and I'm losing my friends.

I don't know if I will ctb or not. The only one who keeps me from going through with something is my dad, I can't do that to him but if something does happen to him I don't think I have a reason to stay. I fear as I continue through college I will reach my limit but I cant stop to take a break and try to focus on myself, I don't have the time so I'm trying to rush through it but i'm only making things worse but I can't slow down at this point. Everything is so frustrating and the only one I can blame is myself.

Welcome to the forum. I'm so sorry this dreadful world has brought you here.
Sounds like you are dealing with too many things at once and are stressed to the point of having severe anxiety. This may be a stupid question, but have you tried any meds for anxiety ?
There are lots of good people here for you if you need to talk.

 

[24SecondsTillDawn]

Welcome to the forum. I'm so sorry this dreadful world has brought you here.
Sounds like you are dealing with too many things at once and are stressed to the point of having severe anxiety. This may be a stupid question, but have you tried any meds for anxiety ?
There are lots of good people here for you if you need to talk.

Thanks for the welcome and I have tried medication for anxiety but it just got to be to expensive. I also didn't like how I had friends who could tell when I took it and when I forgot.

I stoped taking it about a year ago and I have a fear of therapists and my last psychiatrists didn't seem very good at his job. I don't have much trust when it comes to mental health professionals so I just gave up trying to get treatment.

 

[The anhedonic one]

Thanks for the welcome and I have tried medication for anxiety but it just got to be to expensive. I also didn't like how I had friends who could tell when I took it and when I forgot.

I stoped taking it about a year ago and I have a fear of therapists and my last psychiatrists didn't seem very good at his job. I don't have much trust when it comes to mental health professionals so I just gave up trying to get treatment.

It makes perfect sense that you should lose faith and trust in the mental health profession.
I did the same thing years ago.
Treatment doesn't work for most people anyway.
This forum however helps me a lot in getting through the day.

 

[FuneralCry]

That does sound very exhausting what you go through, it must be awful feeling so trapped in that situation. But anyway I wish you the best in whatever happens going forward.