Just turned 21 this month. I've wanted to kill myself since 3rd grade. I'm a university student working to get to medical school. I had a good GPA, 3.5, but I ruined it by failing the easiest couple courses because I just gave up. Now my cumulative GPA is something like a 2.9 and sciGPA is a 3.5, which does not really happen to people and my cumulative GPA will screen me out before they even look at anything else, and rightfully so, I clearly can not handle school or even life. I withdrew from my two lab classes for the semester and am now living at home with my parents again. I could have started graduate school in Fall, 2024. Now I'm probably not going to even graduate on time, and I can not bear to do another semester of undergrad. Everyone at school hates me, I haven't made a single friend. I could not even get myself out of bed for 4-5 weeks up until my parents finally pulled me out. My parents want me to go back to school in the Spring, and at first I wanted to as well, but I'm realizing now I just want to give up. I have an addiction to aquariums, my 10x8ft room has 5 saltwater aquariums in it right now. I'm a burden on my parents, I cost them all their money and take up too much space and electricity in the house with all of my shit. There is something very wrong with the way my mind works and I'm not going to be able to make it through life. I want to kill myself, but I'm too afraid, or maybe I really don't want to kill myself. The biggest thing keeping me from doing it is my family. They love me very much, and my father in particular has invested everything in me. It would be like stealing if I killed myself, since he paid tens of thousands of dollars for me to go to college. I have to die, it's not even an option at this point.
Obliviate
Abandon All Hope
- Aug 13, 2022
- 799
Ahh the medical school/doctor dreams. I feel you. I wanted to be a doc, got my undergrad degree(which was a nightmare) had my dreams crushed.........my family is abusive on top of that. I'm glad you atleast have a great family. Isn't it insane how children are referred to as investments? Pretty sure that's the only reason my parents had me.
I wish I could move or cut it off with my parents to get away from them and home and everything I love so that suicide would come much easier. Undergrad is hell. I don't know how people enjoy it.
SchrodingersCat
I hope you find peace
- Oct 23, 2023
- 10
I know someone who got into med school with a 3.0 gpa so I don't think it's impossible to get into med school if that's what you want to do. I'm currently an undergrad (not pre-med) and I absolutely have to agree with you, it is hell. I literally live and breathe academics and I hate it. The only thing keeping me in school (and to be completely honest alive) are my friends and family. People, at least the people I've met, don't fully enjoy their undergrad studies since 80% of the classes you have to take are completely useless and often times extremely difficult for no reason. They just hope that after they are done with their undergrad, they can find fulfillment in whatever profession they decide to do.
I even enjoy my classes. It's everything else that makes it absolutely unbearable. I have no friends, nearly everyone I meet hates me. It's like I'm from a different world than them. I have nothing in common with any of the people there.
SchrodingersCat
I hope you find peace
- Oct 23, 2023
- 10
carnivalforone
Experienced
- Sep 29, 2023
- 244
your gpa is fine its still saveable if not barely average its not as over as you think, as for the way you see yourself as a failed investment that too is a erroneous way of thinking about it. your interest in aquariums is interesting but idk id say let it play out. if youre set on ctb anyway you might as well play it out and see how it goes. worst case scenario your scenario comes true and u ctb, best case you make it through a rough patch and live for your achievements having dond nothing but played it for a little longer. youve gone so long whats a little more effort. im not a voice of command or anything just sharing my philosophy i guess.
You say you love aquaristics, obviously you love working with animals, too. Salt-water aquariums are difficult to setup. I'd say college is not the way for you to go but I understand there is social pressure and probably your parents are also pressuring you into sth what you don't really like.
Unfortunately our society is designed the way that even simple secretaries need a university degree to find a job which is complete BS imo. I hope you get my point.
I think you should consider sth you really like to do and if that fails you can still consider CTB.
I hope you find peace.
Unfortunately our society is designed the way that even simple secretaries need a university degree to find a job which is complete BS imo. I hope you get my point.
I think you should consider sth you really like to do and if that fails you can still consider CTB.
I hope you find peace.
