I’m fine everyone

[Final Escape]

Just checking in. I had what felt like psychosis or I was triggered into a severe emotional flashback and I could not think clearly because the emotional psychological discomfort was so intense. I finally managed to pull myself out of it after terror overcame me as I was preparing to ctb. I may not be able to do it. I guess my SI is too strong or I somehow talk myself out of it when it comes down to it. Anyway I'm sorry everyone. I find it embarrassing to say I'm goin to end it but then it's like I'm still here lol!

 

[JoeFailure]

Don't feel bad! I'm glad you're still with us! Maybe there's some hope or maybe it's coming your way.

Nothing at all to be embarrassed about, I don't think anyone should do it unless they're 100% sure. I've even told potential partners that I would not be mad if they backed out at the last second. This is your life, you don't owe CTB to anyone.

Wish I could give you a big hug!

 

[inconsequential]

Don't feel embarrassed. I'm glad that you came back, instead of just slinking away into the shadows.

How are you feeling today?

 

[Ivenocare]

Don't be embarrassed! It is a very hard decision to make, I hope you are feeling better!

 

[Alchemist]

I'm glad to see you again. SI is a bitch, so no need to be embarrassed.

 

[Final Escape]

As the day went on that desperate to ctb feeling started to abate and I came out of the flashback. I was pretty shaken up by how intense it was and I was so drained and fucked up from the meto. I took 3 10mg and I felt like my skin was crawling the rest of the evening. The meto made me feel kinda sick which is ironic because it's suppose to be anti nausea right? I took pimperan or something like that it's called. I wonder why meto makes u feel restless and weird. It's not like the worst feeling ever but it was uncomfortable.

 

[jake3d]

Some people develop allergic reactions to meto. You can use domperidone on your next try, it's almost as good and chances of side effects are 10x lower.

 

[Donewith_]

Glad that you are still here with us. hugs.
Its good that.. you have stopped it for now.. like, giving yourself sometime to think.
I haven't interacted much with you.. but I see your posts here once in a while. they are good.

As the day went on that desperate to ctb feeling started to abate and I came out of the flashback. I was pretty shaken up by how intense it was and I was so drained and fucked up from the meto. I took 3 10mg and I felt like my skin was crawling the rest of the evening. The meto made me feel kinda sick which is ironic because it's suppose to be anti nausea right? I took pimperan or something like that it's called. I wonder why meto makes u feel restless and weird. It's not like the worst feeling ever but it was uncomfortable.

yeah, meto does that. I took 20 mg when i tried it.. and felt like shit, slept for a long time, felt very weak, arms were weak.
some people get even more severe symptoms, extra pyramidal syndrome(EPS) . its better to do test run.

 

[wiIIow]

hey, don't feel embarrassed. it's a very personal and difficult decision to make, and psychosis/flashbacks really fuck your whole reality up in a way that's hard to describe. I'm happy you're still with us, you're one of those members that's kinda just always been here and I was sad to think you wouldn't be around anymore. this place will definitely be very different when/if you ever decide to go through with it.

anyhow, I hope you're hanging in there. take care

 

[Halo13]

Don't be sorry or embarrassed. Glad you checked in, either way.

 

[Dreamcolleger]

It's nice to see you back, I hope you're feeling OK

 

[not_a_robot]

so what I'm hearing is, you may have a bottle of N that you may not need...

 

[lululoo]

Don't feel bad. Welcome back. Maybe you are not going to CTB, maybe you will at a later date...but at least you have a chance to make the choice when not in a horrible flashback. And it makes sense to me that you would ride a wave from the flashback to terror about CTB. For me I actually feel less terror about CTB when I am only a little depressed, as opposed to in a full blown depression panic. Depression makes everything seem worse, even the prospect of escaping a miserable life! for me, at least.

I myself have backed out of one attempt and at first it made me feel horrible because I was afraid I'd never do it. But now I am seeing it more as a step on the way to working up my courage.

Try to take it easy today, do whatever the fuck you want, don't worry about CTB/not CTB.

 

[Dead beat dad]

Just checking in. I had what felt like psychosis or I was triggered into a severe emotional flashback and I could not think clearly because the emotional psychological discomfort was so intense. I finally managed to pull myself out of it after terror overcame me as I was preparing to ctb. I may not be able to do it. I guess my SI is too strong or I somehow talk myself out of it when it comes down to it. Anyway I'm sorry everyone. I find it embarrassing to say I'm goin to end it but then it's like I'm still here lol!

I'm sorry you had such a horrendous one yesterday sister.
There is love for you here and many of us have been through that process where we genuinely thought our journey was at an end.
Easy to say; don't feel bad, but feel love, I sincerely mean it.
Glad you're still with us sister and wish you peace.
DBD

 

[Alec]

Don't be embarrassed! I'm glad you decided to share with us and come back to talk. There's nothing to be embarrassed about, we all fail especially when it come to something like this. Sending love!

 

[SinisterKid]

I am old and tired as well and I am glad we can both get to be a little older and a little more tired in this great community we find ourselves a part of.

 

[seekingoblivion]

As many have said there's no reason you should feel embarrassed. It's actually fairly common here. I hated myself after failing but I've come to properly realize ctb is an extremely difficult thing to actually go through with. I'm glad you managed to pull yourself out of that emotional/psychological intensity. And I'm sorry that you had to go through it.

 

[Soul]

Thank you for coming back to us. Be very gentle with yourself, okay? (((Hugs)))

 

[DepressionsAHo]

Just checking in. I had what felt like psychosis or I was triggered into a severe emotional flashback and I could not think clearly because the emotional psychological discomfort was so intense. I finally managed to pull myself out of it after terror overcame me as I was preparing to ctb. I may not be able to do it. I guess my SI is too strong or I somehow talk myself out of it when it comes down to it. Anyway I'm sorry everyone. I find it embarrassing to say I'm goin to end it but then it's like I'm still here lol!

It's alright. You wanna know an honest to God story? Happened yesterday. I got my feeling. The feeling needed to kill myself. I got excited thinking finally. Now's the end. I had everything planned out, said not a word to my roommate at the fair we went to. Got in as many rides as possible cause I knew this would finally be the end

I fell asleep

Woke up 12 hours later and the feeling needed has passed

 

[RM5998]

Welcome back, my friend. You don't need to be embarrassed - and if you feel that you still do, despite the assurances to the contrary, allow me to take your share of embarrassment for you.

 

[Conflicted Cat]

Hey, don't be embarrassed. Suicide is a hard thing to do; entering the unknown, or nothing at all. It's fucking scary.

 

[Rocksandsand]

Just checking in. I had what felt like psychosis or I was triggered into a severe emotional flashback and I could not think clearly because the emotional psychological discomfort was so intense. I finally managed to pull myself out of it after terror overcame me as I was preparing to ctb. I may not be able to do it. I guess my SI is too strong or I somehow talk myself out of it when it comes down to it. Anyway I'm sorry everyone. I find it embarrassing to say I'm goin to end it but then it's like I'm still here lol!

I just wanna say - we haven't spoken I don't think, but your name is one I keep an eye out for on here and I am glad you're doing better x

 

[TimeToDie]

No need to be embarrassed. You're not alone. There are plenty of others,, including myself, who are still around simply because we are thus far unable to make death happen.

 

[MachineGunDani]

Happy you're still here Hugs

 

[Letmego. Please]

Sorry but i am happy to know you are safe & in a less distressing mental state.

Please be kind to yourself, you have been through a very distressing time to put it mildly so you need all the rest & time to recoup your strength.

Sending you kind thoughts & (((Hugs)))

 

[Midnight]

Glad to hear you are still arround. Wishing you all the best and hopes of a better future however slim those chances may be. Take care.

 

[Dartz]

It's gonna be a loss to this community when you go, glad you're OK