Venting I’m feral.

[Anxieyote]

I haven't moved from my couch all day long, my hair is unkempt and greasy, I'm not wearing any clothes, and I haven't eaten anything for 16 hours. I'm dissociating in and out, and I am entertaining the idea of SN. I'm not answering my phone, I'm not answering my texts, and I may even officially quit my job this weekend. I hate myself so much right now that I can feel my skeleton squirming under my skin and trying to get away from me. I'm dying of hunger, but I'm not allowing myself to eat because this could be my chance. If I can wait a little bit longer, I can take SN on my day off tomorrow when my stomach is completely empty.

In my current state of mind, happiness is not being allowed in. The serotonin doesn't release no matter what I try, or what I do. Videogames, movies, anime, nothing. One last push, and I can have a peaceful death and not have to worry about my day to day happiness anymore. I won't have to worry about working towards a career, meeting an S/O, or managing my finances. I live alone, so no one is here to stop me. If I can push past my SI just this once, I have a chance to leave. I am trying my best to keep the SI at bay right now, so wish me luck. I really don't think I have much of a reason to stick around.

 

[Darkover]

cool i've not had a shower for over a year because it hurts to stand up due to a brain injury still wash my self at the sink even tho i have a bath i never use.

feral child raised by dogs do not watch if easily disturbed

 

[FuneralCry]

That sounds like an horrible situation to be in, I'm sorry things are so hopeless. Living really is painful. I wish you the best whatever happens.

 

[rationaltake]

You are obviously suffering. I've been there. I know I can't think straight when hungry. Maybe eat something and think it through? Take care

 

[cambrai33]

I haven't moved from my couch all day long, my hair is unkempt and greasy, I'm not wearing any clothes, and I haven't eaten anything for 16 hours. I'm dissociating in and out, and I am entertaining the idea of SN. I'm not answering my phone, I'm not answering my texts, and I may even officially quit my job this weekend. I hate myself so much right now that I can feel my skeleton squirming under my skin and trying to get away from me. I'm dying of hunger, but I'm not allowing myself to eat because this could be my chance. If I can wait a little bit longer, I can take SN on my day off tomorrow when my stomach is completely empty.

In my current state of mind, happiness is not being allowed in. The serotonin doesn't release no matter what I try, or what I do. Videogames, movies, anime, nothing. One last push, and I can have a peaceful death and not have to worry about my day to day happiness anymore. I won't have to worry about working towards a career, meeting an S/O, or managing my finances. I live alone, so no one is here to stop me. If I can push past my SI just this once, I have a chance to leave. I am trying my best to keep the SI at bay right now, so wish me luck. I really don't think I have much of a reason to stick around.

Sorry I'm about to be a complete twat……

Get a shower, put something on and most importantly have something to eat. I know you feel fucking terrible and that ctb seems like the best option, maybe it is in the way your mind is right now but that's probably because of how you are physically set up in this moment. You will will still feel like crap after showering and eating but you won't feel as shit as you do right now.

Is there anyone you can talk to? I don't like talking but maybe that's an option you have for you.

Finally (sorry I do go on)

Dont be impulsive and try and give yourself every chance you can but for now shower and eat…….at least eat

Keep tying here too, we are here feeling different degrees but much the same

 

[apathetic.]

I feel you. Happiness is just not there no matter what activity is performed. Nothing. Just emptiness.

 

[Niirvana]

I am suffering, feeling and thinking the same as you. I feel like I can't wait any longer, it doesn't make sense. The presence of people makes me uncomfortable, I don't want to go to work anymore, I can't tolerate my mind, I hate my head. I got a good job, I got independence and nothing gets better, I'm rotten inside. Damn childhood trauma ruined my life plus depression genetics. I make mistakes at work because I keep thinking about ctb. I understand and feel you my friend, I wish I could give you a hug

 

[healthrecovery]

After receiving "medical help" im in the same position with no future prospects