I'm failing at "healing"

[Water-Lily]

I am so slow and so so behind where I want to be

I watch YouTube videos and follow people who've managed to get to the "good place" in healing

Being away from their abusers, happily no contact, and despite struggling with their mental health, being able to call things out for what they are and thrive in spite of it

Where as me, 25, and still in a shitty home. Yeah I might have done therapy (still do) and take medication daily, it doesnt feel like enough

So much trauma and things I'm unwilling to face rn because it'd be too much and re traumatize me

Then, I'm also trying to find ways to move out

My plan was to stay on campus at my old university this semester and work on my Masters in Social Work. But there have been issues with the admissions department and I might not be able to go full time. Then campus dorm at my school is extremely expensive. I guess it would be worth it to spend the money for a peace of mind but, I dunno

Then I could work to get into a cheaper school but it'd take another year as September is so close

So, if everything fails, I might just stick with my job and keep working in September

But I also feel like I am not working hard enough. I am not doing enough to get out of my situation

My family is ok with me taking my time, but it's not about them. Its about me

I just want to curl up in a ball and die

 

[TheMetalhead]

You're no matter how bad it sounds, in a good state of mind, you're taking your meds, going to therapy, struggling to go through uni, basically you're trying to live.
Would be nice if you had friends, who'd be willing to help you or rather push you in a way to sorta make you live.
My friends or rather one particular friend pushes me with whatever means possible just so I live even a bit longer, be it gaming together, organizing trips. Whatever.
I can only say, keep your chin up brother or sister, maybe something will go your way at last and you'll wake up thinking: '' Well, life sucks but maybe it's best that I try living a bit longer just to see things work out itself. ''
I know it's not that easy of course. Most of us here want to CTB, even though if life was a bit easier in some ways, we'd rather live, right?
Sorry if I'm being a dick, but I can only wish you best. Warm hugs my friend

 

[Water-Lily]

You're no matter how bad it sounds, in a good state of mind, you're taking your meds, going to therapy, struggling to go through uni, basically you're trying to live.
Would be nice if you had friends, who'd be willing to help you or rather push you in a way to sorta make you live.
My friends or rather one particular friend pushes me with whatever means possible just so I live even a bit longer, be it gaming together, organizing trips. Whatever.
I can only say, keep your chin up brother or sister, maybe something will go your way at last and you'll wake up thinking: '' Well, life sucks but maybe it's best that I try living a bit longer just to see things work out itself. ''
I know it's not that easy of course. Most of us here want to CTB, even though if life was a bit easier in some ways, we'd rather live, right?
Sorry if I'm being a dick, but I can only wish you best. Warm hugs my friend

yeah I dont plan to up and end my life all willy nilly atm

I just feel like I am failing by society's abuse survivor standards

Like I've had people tell me to give the finger to my family and be homeless/live in a shelter and work my way up from that on my own. But I don't want to