Venting I'm even more fed up than before

[Largeletters]

Just when I thought I couldn't feel more fed up and done with this life, it increases. The past few days I've realized how many people in my life are selfish and don't actually care for me. If only they knew what was going on in my life- things have taken a turn for the worst not just mentally but situationally! These stupid shallow fucks only care about themselves. I can't wait until they hear that I'm dead. I'm really tormented by my own thoughts, the past truly haunts me. 2 days ago I held a knife to my throat, then yesterday I stared at the noose I hung from the rafters and contemplated whether hanging myself is worth it. When I express these feelings, the only advice I get is to take my dumb ass placebo effect antidepressants. FUCK THAT. I need a real fucking solution here and suicide is the only one.

I don't give a fuck what anyone says. It will NEVER get better. Not after several fucking years of this shit. I'm done. I'm going soon. And not for stupid or petty reasons either. I need to let go of how karma is a fantasy and how some people are just destined to fail, suffer, and be laughed at. That's me! It's always been me. Hopefully I can succeed at the most important action of all... CTB!

 

[Fakereality]

Keeping your thoughts and feelings to yourself is faar better option than expressing it to other's who are close to you and hoping they would care expecting anything in this hellish world is sure fire way to get disappointed and get more depressed at least that's the conclusion I have come at unless they stand to gain something out of you no one will give a flying fuck about you in this capitalistic dystopia the only true ally you got is yourself.

 

[Apricity]

Just when I thought I couldn't feel more fed up and done with this life, it increases. The past few days I've realized how many people in my life are selfish and don't actually care for me. If only they knew what was going on in my life- things have taken a turn for the worst not just mentally but situationally! These stupid shallow fucks only care about themselves. I can't want until they hear that I'm dead. I'm really tormented by my own thoughts, the past truly haunts me. 2 days ago I held a knife to my throat, then yesterday I stared at the noose I hung from the rafters and contemplated whether hanging myself is worth it. When I express these feelings, the only advice I get is to take my dumb ass placebo effect antidepressants. FUCK THAT. I need a real fucking solution here and suicide is the only one.

I don't give a fuck what anyone says. It will NEVER get better. Not after seven fucking years of this shit. I'm done. I'm going soon. And not for stupid or petty reasons either. I need to let go of how karma is a fantasy and how some people are just destined to fail, suffer, and be laughed at. That's me! It's always been me. Hopefully I can succeed at the most important action of all... CTB!

Be careful what you tell people or you could end up on a psych hold, unless that's what you want.

 

[Largeletters]

Be careful what you tell people or you could end up on a psych hold, unless that's what you want.

I know that from enough times of experience... even if people care to ask, I'm not honest. There's no point. It doesn't help anything. And no, that is not what I want. If I get hospitalized even one more time that will be my breaking point... it would be my ninth admital into a psychiatric ward.

 

[FuneralCry]

I'm sorry you are suffering so much, living really is painful and people can be so cruel. It is hard being in a hopeless situation, I understand. I wish you well.

 

[Apricity]

I know that from enough times of experience... even if people care to ask, I'm not honest. There's no point. It doesn't help anything. And no, that is not what I want. If I get hospitalized even one more time that will be my breaking point... it would be my ninth admital into a psychiatric ward.

I feel ya there. I've been in and out since 13, total of 7 or 8 times now. It doesn't help at all, they just give you pills and let you watch TV.

 

[Largeletters]

I feel ya there. I've been in and out since 13, total of 7 or 8 times now. It doesn't help at all, they just give you pills and let you watch TV.

Wow, I'm sorry to hear that. I feel for everyone who has been psychiatrically hospitalized. Our stories are similar, I've been admitted 8 times inpatient since the age of 10. It's not an easy to go through so I empathasize with you.

 

[Alwaysbadtime]

I was admitted twice due to anxiety about reality. I got nothing from it except for copious pudding packs and a false diagnosis.

I'm close to saying FUCK IT too. One of my parents hasn't called in 16+ months...I texted I was stuck etc etc...but I didn't whine or anything and they have said nothing.

It's really a pisser when people can't even just say 'yeah that must really suck'

 

[Largeletters]

I was admitted twice due to anxiety about reality. I got nothing from it except for copious pudding packs and a false diagnosis.

I'm close to saying FUCK IT too. One of my parents hasn't called in 16+ months...I texted I was stuck etc etc...but I didn't whine or anything and they have said nothing.

It's really a pisser when people can't even just say 'yeah that must really suck'

I'm really sorry for all of this that you've been through. Even if it seems impossible, I hope your parent reaches out to you at some point if that's what you would like, but I understand it's really hurtful that they don't acknowledge you.

 

[Alwaysbadtime]

I'm really sorry for all of this that you've been through. Even if it seems impossible, I hope your parent reaches out to you at some point if that's what you would like, but I understand it's really hurtful that they don't acknowledge you.

I'm sorry to hear about what you have been through too. It seems non-suicidal people can't express much empathy unlike others struggling...It's just so easy to text 'gosh I am sorry to hear' I don't get this from either parent.