Venting I'm done

[peacefully31425]

All I do is lay in bed trying to convince myself that I'm improving but I'm not. I don't want to do this anymore. I'm too fucked up.

 

[WinterIsComing]

All I do is lay in bed trying to convince myself that I'm improving but I'm not. I don't want to do this anymore. I'm too fucked up.

I know i used to be all day in bed for a long time, now i'm trying to change my clothes and still don't see the point of going out.

 

[not_a_robot]

Same. I have to move across the country in six weeks and I should be preparing but everything I need to do requires me to leave my house during daylight hours, fuck the sun, fuck sunscreen, maybe I can get my supplies together to ctb by then instead. I fucking hate daylight.

 

[MISERYinlife]

Same here been laying in bed for 2months now and sick of it they cold turkey me off Xanax and I am all screwed up hate to out loved ones through this but I see no other way

 

[dandan]

Lying in bed not thinking helps anything at all, I had good three days because I got active doing things, I stop doing and lie down and think and it goes to shit.....

I know being active and doing things is painful, even seems no benefit will come from it, but it does.

I wish I can be active and do things I want, still catching the bus is almost certain, I just want to have better days before I die... I'm tired of being "down"...

 

[WinterIsComing]

I wish I can be active and do things I want, still catching the bus is almost certain, I just want to have better days before I die... I'm tired of being "down"...

I'm thinking of getting a job get enough money to travel or do things i like, enjoy and end it.

 

[LifeIsNotFun]

I know the feeling OP. I feel very broken too.

 

[Mljonzy]

Me too man i am so fucked up that it makes me laugh sometimes i have a nightshift job 4 nights a week and it's killing me trying to work with all this pain in my head. I don't even know how i manage to keep getting through the weeks all i want is to sleep forever it's the best thing in the world.

 

[dandan]

I'm thinking of getting a job get enough money to travel or do things i like, enjoy and end it.

I have built a little crazy idea of a pyramid scheme where all the money on top goes directly to some association so each member gets a commission on the "donors" they get, I want to execute it for people saving stray dogs.... That's my only pending goal..... Then I believe I'm done

I'm thinking of getting a job get enough money to travel or do things i like, enjoy and end it.

Come travel to Mexico , if possible end it here, unless you want to go near your family like I do

 

[Halo13]

Same here been laying in bed for 2months now and sick of it they cold turkey me off Xanax and I am all screwed up hate to out loved ones through this but I see no other way

Oh no! Super hugs. Benzo withdrawal is actually quite dangerous. They should have tapered you! It really is like hell, absolute torture. Did you have any seizures? How long have you been off of it now, the whole two months? I'm so very sorry. It makes me furious that doctors still do this regardless of the very real dangers of cold turkey withdrawal. It should be discontinued slowly and carefully. Sending you good thoughts. My PM is always open if you need to talk.

 

[WinterIsComing]

I have built a little crazy idea of a pyramid scheme where all the money on top goes directly to some association so each member gets a commission on the "donors" they get, I want to execute it for people saving stray dogs.... That's my only pending goal..... Then I believe I'm done

That seems a good use of the piramid scheme!

 

[RainAndSadness]

All I do is lay in bed trying to convince myself that I'm improving but I'm not. I don't want to do this anymore. I'm too fucked up.

Same, I'm literally rotting. It's so difficult to get out of bed and I'm just not doing anything.

 

[Empty Smile]

I don't lay in bed all day, but will wander the house aimlessly and pointlessly. Nothing goes through my mind but emptiness. Each day I wonder more and more on why I'm still here...

 

[The_big_b]

Yeah, but the biggest issue for me is that I do not want improvement. Or, rather, I don't want what would be considered an improvement. I don't want a routine, a job (or going back to uni), I just want to do whatever. Locking myself back into the cold, mindnumbing day-to-day, if anything, would just make me into a zombie. So I chose to keep this lifestyle for as long as I can.

 

[Scribble Fan]

It's almost like already being dead, just lying there forever. Makes suicide seem like a much more viable option to me.

 

[dandan]

Yeah, but the biggest issue for me is that I do not want improvement. Or, rather, I don't want what would be considered an improvement. I don't want a routine, a job (or going back to uni), I just want to do whatever. Locking myself back into the cold, mindnumbing day-to-day, if anything, would just make me into a zombie. So I chose to keep this lifestyle for as long as I can.

Sharing my experience, that's completely a mistake I've made, I'm sorry you are following exactly what I did, regret only grows... Don't take my advice , but here it goes

My advice: push yourself even go through painful action to do things you want and enjoy more whatever number of days you got left before CTBing

My advice: take and put radical action towards your goals, no matter if you catch the bus later....


What you are doing, zombing it out resulted worst for me.... Because I haven't ctb already, but I have something to do before I do....