Venting Im done

[thankyou]

As stated in previous posts my SN was abducted but I wasn't offered any help, i mean I was but it's all "American healthcare" so it's basically health workers begrudgingly having to see as many patients as possible and they spend no brain cells on their patients. The only time I had good healthcare is when I did sex work many years that could afford out of pocket care. Not only that, but the intake person was the current wife of someone who had abused me, I pressed charges on their husband. They absolutely knew my name and chose to do intake with me anyway, virtually, in a dark room to hide their identity. I only noticed it was them at the very end when they moved and the light from a window behind them reflected onto their face. I put in an report for a HIPAA violation but it's too late, this shattered me. The fucking people who showed up at my doorstep at 2am to retrieve the SN connected me to this awful person whom tricked me into sharing personal details of my life with, someone who hates me and sides with my abusers. Additionally I tried to vend at a festival, trying to get more into arts and crafts. But I was shunned by all the organizers, due to their relations to the same abuser and another abuser from my youth. Im now fully afraid to leave my house. It's like everywhere I go I run into someone who hates me. Im not even safe in healthcare.

I just don't care anymore. Even my partner, whom I said I was staying solely for, well as I predicted my mental health is wearing on them. They're trying to be nice but they're not even sharing a bed with me. They're going out more, building a new life. I already know I'm too much. They're so kind but I know they're getting set up to leave. I know what it looks like. I don't blame them.

I've settled on jumping for the method. Especially because I don't want to leave a mess behind for humans to clean up. Let the animals get me. I already know an excellent spot. A dam I used to go to as a child, it has an extensive history with successful suicides but is too small of a town to be guarded. I already saw my family for the last time and went through my digital storage. All I need to do is donate some stuff and then I'm good to go. It's all I can think about. I can't wait for this pain to end. I fucking tried but I can't do this anymore. Autism, CPTSD, neglect, abuse, PMDD… those are the sources of my pain and those are the reasons for my death. I cannot take it anymore.

 

[lookingforsanctuary]

I'm so sorry you had such a terrible experience with the intake person. It sounds like you're getting ready. Do you have a date set?

 

[anywhere_else]

Firstly: fuck abusers, seriously. It sounds like things have been horrific for you, and I'm so sorry that things have ended up this way. If you need to talk, I'm here to listen. Like everyone else here I suspect.

Whatever you do from here, I hope you find an end to your suffering.

 

[Letgo]

I am sorry it has all come down to this. You are neing thought of. I hope you find peace and rest. Do you have a date? <3

 

[FuneralCry]

That sounds so horrible what you've been through, it's such a hellish, repulsive world we exist in where people suffer so much all through no fault of their own, the human species is so awful to me. I hope that you find the freedom you are searching for.

 

[SVEN]

I wish you peace.

 

[thankyou]

I'm so sorry you had such a terrible experience with the intake person. It sounds like you're getting ready. Do you have a date set?

Not setting a specific date but definitely before winter begins in my hemisphere, so within 6 months. I am kinda over making it a planned out spectacle.

 

[thankyou]

Bro not only did this shit place call me EVERYDAY for 2 weeks until I made an appointment, but once I finally made one, the intake was a huge hippa violation, and I find out they are booked for therapy for 6 months. Yet they pestered me to get therapy by then??? all they can do is psychiatry now, fucking pill pushers. Healthcare is a joke.