Hi, I'm new to this site. I don't know what to do. My life currently feels unbearable. I have dropped out of uni and see no plan for the future. I have lost friends and feel like a complete burden on family. I was abused in the past and my abuser has served his time and has recently been released to live the rest of his life freely and happily. I'm scared all the time, of everything and everyone and find it difficult to leave the house anymore. I've tried so many medications; I have been inpatient and under crisis teams; I've been waiting for therapy for over 2 and a half years because I keep moving areas and therefore mental health teams; I cannot continue like this. I have so much guilt from the past and I feel like no matter how much good I try and do, I will never be able to make up for it. I am only 19 so there is part of me that wants to hang on and return to uni and have a life. But that all feels so out of reach. Today is bad and the thoughts of not wanting to be here are relentless. I am desperate to end it but I don't want to do something impulsive, it not work and to end up hospitalised again. Ideally I want N or SN but I have never done anything illegal in my life and that terrifies me. I think my only options at the moment are jumping or train which I am worried about traumatising people but I am so close and I need something that will 100% work so I am not hospitalised/don't have to carry on because I literally cannot do this anymore.
Hi, I'm really sorry you're going through all this. It's certainly a very difficult situation to be in.
However, as you said, being impulsive is not the solution. You might end up in a worse condition than before.
Just take your time, do your research and decide what the best to do is.
If you need to talk, feel free to pm me.
Hugs,
Matt
However, as you said, being impulsive is not the solution. You might end up in a worse condition than before.
Just take your time, do your research and decide what the best to do is.
If you need to talk, feel free to pm me.
Hugs,
Matt
Hi,
Thank you for replying, I really appreciate it. I think time is probably best too, it's just really hard to tell myself that at the moment so thanks for reassuring me.
Thank you - I'm quite new to the site so not 100% sure how to do that just yet but I will try and figure it out.
Thank you, hugs to you too :)
Ameya
A nobody
- Mar 22, 2021
- 130
I'm so sorry your life has lead you up to this point in such a young age. Please don't make anything impulsive, it can only led up to you getting more injured and staying alive and that isn't very pleasant. Please if you are 100% sure with this decision, plan it out carefully or maybe even leave a will behind if you like. Look at all of your options. Jumping and the train method aren't the only ones...In the end it's your choice what you do.
Stay save and best regards
Stay save and best regards
Thank you so much for replying, I really appreciate it. I think you're right, I'm trying really hard to keep safe until I have a better plan in place, it just gets hard sometimes - thanks for being a rational voice because I find it hard to believe myself sometimes. The will is a good idea, I might try and put that together for when I have a plan instead of acting on these impulsive thoughts.
I've had a look at other methods, unfortunately I don't really want to break the law so that narrows it down for me, thank you for the suggestion though - I really appreciate it.
FuneralCry
Just wanting some peace
- Sep 24, 2020
- 37,036
Yeah, I know how you feel. It's awful being trapped when you don't want to be here yet the only ways out can go wrong and requires courage. If only we actually had a right to die. Life can be really cruel. I do also think that impulsive suicides have a higher chance of failure. I wish you the best.
Exactly how I feel, trapped :(. A right to die would be a dream, a way to go with dignity and being able to say goodbye to my sister without ending up hospitalised and being stopped. I'm sorry you feel the same because I know how crap it is but thank you for making me feel less alone with it. Impulsivity hasn't gone well for me in the past so am trying to wait until I have a good plan in place, it's just hard when life is this bad. I wish you the best also, thanks for replying - I appreciate it.
sadbadpsychogirl
sonofabitch
- May 29, 2020
- 725
i know how you feel. i really want to end this asap but i don't have a reliable method right now and i can't afford to fail.
Literally am exactly the same. If someone offered me a certain way out, I would take them up on it so fast but all the methods I have available to me rn are so unreliable and failing risks ending up in hospital which is not a good option.
demuic
Life was a mistake
- Sep 12, 2020
- 1,383
I don't know where you live but SN is legal in many countries.
I'm sorry you're going through so much. It must be especially painful to see an abuser walk free.
I live in the UK. I think SN is technically legal but it is a reportable substance and so, getting hold of it as an individual is really difficult. I've read on a lot of threads about people getting it taken by customs and had police visits. I'm worried that as I am known to mental health services, if the police found I had ordered, they may have reason to section me :(. I'm sure you can get it on the dark internet or something without it having to go through customs but I have no idea how any of that works :(. Thank you for replying though - I really appreciate you trying to help.
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