Venting I'm constantly reminded of how I feel inferior (as a woman) and it's getting unbearable

[RosebyAnyName]

I was reading an unrelated article and I liked it, so I looked at some of the other articles published by the same author and they're about how "feminism is evil," and "women must submit to their husbands," "women don't know what's best for them," etc.

It was very triggering to me how someone could think that way, so I try to look up another forum to distract myself, and I find a non-zero amount of discussions about how women are a bunch of skanks and how women are too stupid to know what's good for them.

So I try to step away from the internet and decided to talk to my family, and they won't shut up about how I need to get a "good man". I already told them a while back I was a lesbian, but had to take it back at some point and tell them that "maybe I just don't know what's best for myself" just so they would stop giving me weird looks all the time. Now I'm not even sure if I am a lesbian since I wasn't allowed to visibly be one anyways.

So I try to distract myself from everyone and everything with fiction, and all I can see is all the conscious and unconscious choices made by the writers (even woman writers) that play right into the narrative that women are inferior, or exist primarily as eyecandy, or exist primarily for male characters' character arcs.

And feminist politics are no solace, because regardless of which denomination you pick, there's always the idea of being "right kind of woman" vs a "wrong kind of woman." With liberal feminism, you should never have boundaries and you must always uncritically accept everyone who harms you or else you're an evil bigot and you just don't know what's best for yourself. With radical feminism, you should never present feminine, get married, or be naturally passive, or else you're a "sheeple" moron who also just doesn't know what's best for yourself.

The common denominator in all of the above situations is the narrative that women are just too stupid to know what's best for themselves. I desperately want to believe otherwise, but there is nothing in my life that convinces me otherwise. I probably really am too stupid to know what's best for me, and I likely really don't know what's best for myself; Given what everyone tells me, it's because I'm female. It doesn't help that I constantly make mistakes and bad choices that could have been completely avoided if I just followed what I was taught women are "supposed" to do. I'm sick of it all, and there is no solace anywhere. No other person in my life, no communities, no forms of media, no ideologies, there is nothing in my life that doesn't just further encourage this narrative. I can't escape it except through death, which is one of the main reasons I can't stop fantasizing about CtB.

 

[Iloveher]

I will never understand people who have this opinion about women. Women are the greatest gift men have recived, life would be so dull and boring without women.
I am in love with this girl and every new detail I find out about her makes me insanely happy. I wish there was a book with every detail about her so I can discover her in all her complexity. I would read that book over and over again 1000 times and never get bored of it.
There isnt one aspect in which women are inferior , in fact if this world would be ran by women it would be a much better and more peaceful place

 

[lylas]

Women are the greatest gift men have recived

This has gotta be one of the worst ways you could reply to a post like this.

Our value does not need to be given by the context of anyone else's admiration or our contrast to men, that's the whole point. I am guilty of this myself when I feel the need to insert explicit femininity into art I make or how I present myself to people though. I think all you can do is try to be around people who don't give you cause to think about it and who care about what you do rather than what you do as a woman.

 

[Iloveher]

This has gotta be one of the worst ways you could reply to a post like this.

Our value does not need to be given by the context of anyone else's admiration or our contrast to men, that's the whole point. I am guilty of this myself when I feel the need to insert explicit femininity into art I make or how I present myself to people though. I think all you can do is try to be around people who don't give you cause to think about it and who care about what you do rather than what you do as a woman.

I never claimed that your value was given by the context of my admiration or your contrast to men, but I do apologize if I offended you in anyway with my comment.

 

[lylas]

I never claimed that your value was given by the context of my admiration or your contrast to men, but I do apologize if I offended you in anyway with my comment.

The OP was (in part) about how women are often portrayed more in the reflection of the eyes of men who love them and OP's grievances with being expected to find a man romantically, so replying by saying how great women are to you from a romantic context and describing women as a gift to men is kind of missing the point really hard. I don't feel personally offended, just trying to make it clear how this comes across, I'm sure your intentions were innocent.

 

[Iloveher]

The OP was (in part) about how women are often portrayed more in the reflection of the eyes of men who love them and OP's grievances with being expected to find a man romantically, so replying by saying how great women are to you from a romantic context and describing women as a gift to men is kind of missing the point really hard. I don't feel personally offended, just trying to make it clear how this comes across, I'm sure your intentions were innocent.

Didnt say i only admire women "romantically" , that was just an example of how Id like to discover the girl Im in love with in all her complexity as a person.
I also said that there isnt one aspect in which women are inferior you mustve missed that part

 

[astr4]

it's especially vitriolic online lol idk why every women gets labelled as an onlyfans slut but it's infuriating. and yeah you can brush it off as "wow they're insecure and projecting" but it wears down at you, especially if you tend to spend your time in male dominated hobbies and activities.

tbh regarding finding a community that understands, i have always found solace in other wlw/queer women. really, i can think of very few who weren't understanding and sympathetic because they also have gone through similar things. of course that also depends greatly on the person and their experiences.

 

[RosebyAnyName]

I sympathize with Iloveher's post even if it falls into many of the same societal traps of how women are valued. I've come to the point, even if just for my own sanity, to choose not to assume the worst in others unless they are obviously being misogynistic on purpose (of which I have no shortage of examples). Everyone is subject to these societal systems, regardless of if they agree, disagree, acknowledge, or ignore them.

The OP was (in part) about how women are often portrayed more in the reflection of the eyes of men who love them and OP's grievances with being expected to find a man romantically, so replying by saying how great women are to you from a romantic context and describing women as a gift to men is kind of missing the point really hard. I don't feel personally offended, just trying to make it clear how this comes across, I'm sure your intentions were innocent.

I know the frustration. Despite what I mentioned above about how I've been choosing to assume the best in others, it can be exceedingly difficult to try and be logical after having been burned so many times emotionally.

 

[locked*n*loaded]

Funny, I always felt women were superior to men in most ways. I'm a guy, btw.

 

[RosebyAnyName]

Funny, I always felt women were superior to men in most ways. I'm a guy, btw.

Now I regret trying to be impartial.

Can people please stop derailing? The post is about experiencing misogyny, not if women actually are or aren't inferior to men.

 

[derpyderpins]

That definitely does sound very frustrating. It sucks when you like something someone produced and then find out they have some trait that is appalling to you.

As a man, I can't fully understand of course, but I definitely get the idea at least a bit. Unfortunately for guys there's really only one path, get a job and display value, but that means not quite as much conflict in deciding how to go about things.

Like other people here have said - and I'll try to say it more decently - I personally think men and women both have excellent traits, but those traits aren't defining. [Deleted a portion here about women being great at your request, lol.]

It sounds to me like you having a bit of confusion about your identity and desires is the fault of all these people telling you it has to be some way. Doesn't sound like it's your fault or that you're stupid. If you put the smartest person on earth in a room with a ton of conflicting information they couldn't draw accurate conclusions.

If I say women are patient, emotionally strong, nonviolent, nurturing, etc., I don't think those traits have to pigeon-hole you into either the "trad wife" or "career gal" path. Those traits may sound like the "trad wife" path, but they're important in a career, too, and becoming more important every day as we move past outdated employee relations practices. I guess my thing is that you can't go wrong. You don't have to be anything in particular, and you can be whatever you want. Other people can't decide for you or tell you how it has to be. Most people are clueless anyway.

All these people, the man writing the articles telling you to be a trad wife, your parents not acknowledging your sexuality (wtf that's BS), and the feminists telling you that you must focus on a career. . . They're all kinda shitty tbh. Bunching any group of people into a box is dumb, therefore they are dumb, therefore I wouldn't worry about what they have to say.

 

[locked*n*loaded]

Now I regret trying to be impartial.

Can people please stop derailing? The post is about experiencing misogyny, not if women actually are or aren't inferior to men.

It may very well be my comment doesn't apply to you. Nothing is universal.

 

[Tesha]

NSFW

 

[astr4]

It may very well be my comment doesn't apply to you. Nothing is universal.

her point is that it's not contextually relevant. you may very well leave the same comment on a different post but this post specifically is about her experiences with misogyny, so your opinion unfortunately does not add much value, despite your good intentions, and in fact is kind of invalidating. just because you think women are superior doesn't change the fact that her life is shit because she's a woman. again i'm sure you had good intentions but if you made a post about how hard it is being a man and i commented "well i always thought men were better" wouldn't you feel like i was trying to dismiss your experiences?

 

[Nefera]

I feel you so much, being a woman on a men centered world is one of my top reasons to CTB, some days you feel like you're just not even a human. I wish we weren't daily penalized for being born as a woman :(

I will never understand people who have this opinion about women. Women are the greatest gift men have recived,

That's such an awful thing to say that I just felt this urge of dreadfulness reading it. Yikes dude.

 

[Beyond_Repair]

Funny, I always felt women were superior to men in most ways. I'm a guy, btw.

I believe you're coming from a good place with this, but putting women on a pedestal and claiming that they're superior to men is on the same spectrum of sexism. It's not a competition, the goal should be for men and women to be seen as equals


OP I feel similarly, I love literature but you can tell with so many male authors that a woman's value is inherently intertwined with her appearance and her behavior is placed under a high degree of scrutiny. Many female authors aren't much better in their harsh criticism of women that behave or look in ways that go against societal expectations

 

[locked*n*loaded]

I believe you're coming from a good place with this, but putting women on a pedestal and claiming that they're superior to men is on the same spectrum of sexism. It's not a competition, the goal should be for men and women to be seen as equals


OP I feel similarly, I love literature but you can tell with so many male authors that a woman's value is inherently intertwined with her appearance and her behavior is placed under a high degree of scrutiny. Many female authors aren't much better in their harsh criticism of women that behave or look in ways that go against societal expectations

No, it's not. Stop. I'm not an author. How did authors get dragged into this? My sentiment has nothing to do with a woman's appearance. It has everything to do with a woman having more empathy, in general, towards others, a better listening ability, that they can "read" people better regarding their motivations, that they are able to express themselves more freely and openly, that they often put other's feelings and needs ahead of their own, etc, etc, etc. They can be much more cruel, though, given the right circumstances. And, obviously, not all women have these qualities.

 

[kindalone]

I get what you're saying. Things have been quite heated online when it comes to anything gender, and I feel like the damn algorithm is shoving it down my throat. I can't escape it completely no matter how much I try to curate my feed or stay away from anything that could be inciting inflammatory discussions. It must be even worse for you as women are disproportionately being targeted now. My sister gets the occasional redpill bullshit discussion on tiktok, too. It takes her an hour or more to vent and calm down from the fucking nonsense these people are spewing.

The constant dismissal of your sexual orientation and insistence on getting a "good man" must suck, too. As a man who is unmarried and also a bit melancholic on the outside, I constantly get the message to find a good wife who supports me and lifts me up. I have to basically get a woman who doubles as my emotional sponge and therapist. This comes from a woman who had to endure constant abuse by her husband who has temper tantrums like a child whenever things don't go his way. These older generations hold on to their misguided beliefs, regardless of the pain it caused them to "do what they're supposed to do."

It's truly everywhere and it's exhausting. I can only imagine what you're going through. I can only say that making mistakes is human. Old and young, male and female, straight or queer—none of us are exempt of it. There are probably a million things more likely to have caused you to make a "bad" decision than your gender or anything of the sort. But gender is a triggering subject that drives views and engagement nowadays. I don't think anybody will escape it anytime soon.

No, it's not. Stop. I'm not an author. How did authors get dragged into this? My sentiment has nothing to do with a woman's appearance. It has everything to do with a woman having more empathy, in general, towards others, a better listening ability, that they can "read" people better regarding their motivations, that they are able to express themselves more freely and openly, that they often put other's feelings and needs ahead of their own, etc, etc, etc. They can be much more cruel, though, given the right circumstances. And, obviously, not all women have these qualities.

I feel like a lot of authors do it a lot, especially to make a character more likable. They make female characters a bit more caring, bubbly, submissive. It doesn't happen with every character but even seeing it once is a reinforcement of what society wants their women to be like.

Women having empathy can also be weaponized to force them to be unpaid therapists and caregivers, which is why it's not necessarily good to mention it in a thread where someone vents about having to adhere to some sort of standard.

 

[locked*n*loaded]

her point is that it's not contextually relevant. you may very well leave the same comment on a different post but this post specifically is about her experiences with misogyny, so your opinion unfortunately does not add much value, despite your good intentions, and in fact is kind of invalidating. just because you think women are superior doesn't change the fact that her life is shit because she's a woman. again i'm sure you had good intentions but if you made a post about how hard it is being a man and i commented "well i always thought men were better" wouldn't you feel like i was trying to dismiss your experiences?

No, I wouldn't. You seem a little defensive, honestly. And I really don't require validation ("despite your good intentions"), but thanks, anyway. I suppose some women aren't superior after all¿ ​

 

[astr4]

No, I wouldn't. You seem a little defensive, honestly. And I really don't require validation ("despite your good intentions"), but thanks, anyway. I suppose some women aren't superior after all¿ ​

maybe you wouldn't but theory of mind, dude, there are people who would be. that's my point. i won't be nice about it if you don't want me to, all your comment does is add nothing and invalidate someone else's experience. have some empathy, learn when it's not your turn to speak. OP already told you to cut it out so why are you still digging your own hole lol.

 

[Artemisia]

I was reading an unrelated article and I liked it, so I looked at some of the other articles published by the same author and they're about how "feminism is evil," and "women must submit to their husbands," "women don't know what's best for them," etc.

It was very triggering to me how someone could think that way, so I try to look up another forum to distract myself, and I find a non-zero amount of discussions about how women are a bunch of skanks and how women are too stupid to know what's good for them.

So I try to step away from the internet and decided to talk to my family, and they won't shut up about how I need to get a "good man". I already told them a while back I was a lesbian, but had to take it back at some point and tell them that "maybe I just don't know what's best for myself" just so they would stop giving me weird looks all the time. Now I'm not even sure if I am a lesbian since I wasn't allowed to visibly be one anyways.

So I try to distract myself from everyone and everything with fiction, and all I can see is all the conscious and unconscious choices made by the writers (even woman writers) that play right into the narrative that women are inferior, or exist primarily as eyecandy, or exist primarily for male characters' character arcs.

And feminist politics are no solace, because regardless of which denomination you pick, there's always the idea of being "right kind of woman" vs a "wrong kind of woman." With liberal feminism, you should never have boundaries and you must always uncritically accept everyone who harms you or else you're an evil bigot and you just don't know what's best for yourself. With radical feminism, you should never present feminine, get married, or be naturally passive, or else you're a "sheeple" moron who also just doesn't know what's best for yourself.

The common denominator in all of the above situations is the narrative that women are just too stupid to know what's best for themselves. I desperately want to believe otherwise, but there is nothing in my life that convinces me otherwise. I probably really am too stupid to know what's best for me, and I likely really don't know what's best for myself; Given what everyone tells me, it's because I'm female. It doesn't help that I constantly make mistakes and bad choices that could have been completely avoided if I just followed what I was taught women are "supposed" to do. I'm sick of it all, and there is no solace anywhere. No other person in my life, no communities, no forms of media, no ideologies, there is nothing in my life that doesn't just further encourage this narrative. I can't escape it except through death, which is one of the main reasons I can't stop fantasizing about CtB.

It's great having slaves, that's why humanity has been so keen on it pretty much everywhere and every time. Someone who has to be there for you no matter what, serve you, never have an idea, opinion, will of its own and do everything you want no matter how much of an ass you are. Sounds great, when you're a self serving ass, which everyone is to a degree. So it's just very comfortable trying to force this rhetoric down a certain part of the population's throats, willing slaves... even better! It's up to you to decide to bow down and accept it or fight back.
Considering the person with the highest IQ in the world is a woman, Marilyn vos Savant, that women have consistently proven to do better academically in general and to be perfectly capable in any job that requires brain rather than brawn, it's pathetic how some men (and some brainless women) keep on insisting that women don't know what's best for themselves. That's what they are, pathetic! And the thing is, they know it too. This is a strategy to make themselves feel better in a world that no longer gives them the right to make slaves of us. I'm lucky that I have a pretty good brain and love using it, it's both funny and sad watching these guys squirm like little worms when they try that on me and I make them feel like the dumb little worms that they are. Of course, it only drives them deeper into that sort of protective mentality, but this is a war that's hard to win.

 

[Forever Sleep]

It's kind of weird because I'd say in most relationships I know of, it's the man who is under the thumb!

Really though, none of us 100% know what's best for us- of either gender. None of us know our own futures. I think it's so important to follow your own heart. We have to know ourselves better than anyone else at the end of the day. And, we're bound to make mistakes. That's how we learn.

But yeah, I've been through phases where I tried to comply more to 'feminine' standards. Mainly because I had a crazy crush on a guy. It was nice to get societies approval more but it really wasn't me. I feel like, if people can't accept you for who you are, it's not worth the effort to change and pretend to be someone else. How can you be happy putting on an act the whole time?

It's knowing what you want though ultimately I guess. Some people do genuinely like all those feminine, girly attributes. Can't say they appeal to me though.

 

[sugarb]

I was reading an unrelated article and I liked it, so I looked at some of the other articles published by the same author and they're about how "feminism is evil," and "women must submit to their husbands," "women don't know what's best for them," etc.

It was very triggering to me how someone could think that way, so I try to look up another forum to distract myself, and I find a non-zero amount of discussions about how women are a bunch of skanks and how women are too stupid to know what's good for them.

So I try to step away from the internet and decided to talk to my family, and they won't shut up about how I need to get a "good man". I already told them a while back I was a lesbian, but had to take it back at some point and tell them that "maybe I just don't know what's best for myself" just so they would stop giving me weird looks all the time. Now I'm not even sure if I am a lesbian since I wasn't allowed to visibly be one anyways.

So I try to distract myself from everyone and everything with fiction, and all I can see is all the conscious and unconscious choices made by the writers (even woman writers) that play right into the narrative that women are inferior, or exist primarily as eyecandy, or exist primarily for male characters' character arcs.

And feminist politics are no solace, because regardless of which denomination you pick, there's always the idea of being "right kind of woman" vs a "wrong kind of woman." With liberal feminism, you should never have boundaries and you must always uncritically accept everyone who harms you or else you're an evil bigot and you just don't know what's best for yourself. With radical feminism, you should never present feminine, get married, or be naturally passive, or else you're a "sheeple" moron who also just doesn't know what's best for yourself.

The common denominator in all of the above situations is the narrative that women are just too stupid to know what's best for themselves. I desperately want to believe otherwise, but there is nothing in my life that convinces me otherwise. I probably really am too stupid to know what's best for me, and I likely really don't know what's best for myself; Given what everyone tells me, it's because I'm female. It doesn't help that I constantly make mistakes and bad choices that could have been completely avoided if I just followed what I was taught women are "supposed" to do. I'm sick of it all, and there is no solace anywhere. No other person in my life, no communities, no forms of media, no ideologies, there is nothing in my life that doesn't just further encourage this narrative. I can't escape it except through death, which is one of the main reasons I can't stop fantasizing about CtB.

I was having trouble reading/writing for some reason (probably sleep deprivation) so I've just broken my response up into bullet points. Anywho:

• It's completely normal to be upset when someone talks about people like you as if they're subhuman, and I understand the feeling of "wow this artist/writer/etc is cool/funny! Oh wait, they hate me :(" to a degree. It's important to remember that kind and accepting people are not always smart or talented, and smart and talented people are not always kind and accepting. You can be wholly in the right and still make an unconvincing argument.
• I would suggest staying away from places where those sort of conversations happen if you don't already do so considering how harmful it is to you.
• Your family being intolerant/unaccepting and forcing you to hide your sexuality doesn't mean you aren't gay. There's a chance your sexuality may've changed or that you were never gay in the first place- my cousin told me she was a lesbian like 6 years ago but has only dated dudes; she later told me it was just a one week phase- but I doubt that's the case for you
• On a tangent- I occasionally attempt writing and while I'm not very good (haven't finished anything and probably never will since it's just for fun and i'm gonna kill myself) I try to write good characters that're women. I had this whole concept for a 30-something office serf named Anna who finds herself in a weird shadow world and uses a fireman's axe to kill monsters for money. It was pretty neat. if there's an afterlife or something i'll finish it and show you ^^
• There's been a wrong kind of something for every political group, social movement, and religion I can think of, unfortunately. I don't fully fit anywhere, either because they wouldn't have me or I wouldn't have them.
• When you said that liberal feminism wants women to "never have boundaries" and "always uncritically accept everyone who harms you or else you're an evil bigot and you just don't know what's best for yourself", what exactly are you talking about? To my knowledge there aren't a lot of liberal feminists suggesting one should never have boundaries. Not meant to be a dig; I assume you're referring to something I don't know about
• There's a non-zero chance that you're dumb or don't know what's best for you, but if that's the case, it's not because of your gender. Plenty of men are exactly the same as you in that regard. More than anything it sounds like you've been shat on by the world so much that you've internalized some of the evil.

I'm sorry you're suffering so much. Living in a world that hostile to you sounds like a nightmare.

Wish you well.

No, I wouldn't. You seem a little defensive, honestly. And I really don't require validation ("despite your good intentions"), but thanks, anyway. I suppose some women aren't superior after all¿ ​

> Op describes the pain misogyny has caused them and how they feel inferior
> "Women are better imo (guy btw)"
> Asked not to derail the conversation by OP
> "Maybe my comment wasn't about you "
> Told not to derail the conversation again, asked to consider OP's POV
> "GUESS SOME WOMEN AREN'T BETTER."

You went from "you're wrong OP women are better!" to literally telling a woman they're inferior lmao what are you doing my dude

 

[landslide2]

I was reading an unrelated article and I liked it, so I looked at some of the other articles published by the same author and they're about how "feminism is evil," and "women must submit to their husbands," "women don't know what's best for them," etc.

It was very triggering to me how someone could think that way, so I try to look up another forum to distract myself, and I find a non-zero amount of discussions about how women are a bunch of skanks and how women are too stupid to know what's good for them.

So I try to step away from the internet and decided to talk to my family, and they won't shut up about how I need to get a "good man". I already told them a while back I was a lesbian, but had to take it back at some point and tell them that "maybe I just don't know what's best for myself" just so they would stop giving me weird looks all the time. Now I'm not even sure if I am a lesbian since I wasn't allowed to visibly be one anyways.

So I try to distract myself from everyone and everything with fiction, and all I can see is all the conscious and unconscious choices made by the writers (even woman writers) that play right into the narrative that women are inferior, or exist primarily as eyecandy, or exist primarily for male characters' character arcs.

And feminist politics are no solace, because regardless of which denomination you pick, there's always the idea of being "right kind of woman" vs a "wrong kind of woman." With liberal feminism, you should never have boundaries and you must always uncritically accept everyone who harms you or else you're an evil bigot and you just don't know what's best for yourself. With radical feminism, you should never present feminine, get married, or be naturally passive, or else you're a "sheeple" moron who also just doesn't know what's best for yourself.

The common denominator in all of the above situations is the narrative that women are just too stupid to know what's best for themselves. I desperately want to believe otherwise, but there is nothing in my life that convinces me otherwise. I probably really am too stupid to know what's best for me, and I likely really don't know what's best for myself; Given what everyone tells me, it's because I'm female. It doesn't help that I constantly make mistakes and bad choices that could have been completely avoided if I just followed what I was taught women are "supposed" to do. I'm sick of it all, and there is no solace anywhere. No other person in my life, no communities, no forms of media, no ideologies, there is nothing in my life that doesn't just further encourage this narrative. I can't escape it except through death, which is one of the main reasons I can't stop fantasizing about CtB.

I can only say the fight has never ceased, the gender wage gap is still there, the fight for the rights to your own body is still there, the fight to not be harassed is still there, the fight to be seen as a fellow human being is still there, the list goes on. In the US 300,000 minors, vast majority of which are girls, some as young as 10, were legally married between 2000-2018 and there's a whole lot of religious bullshit that embraces that, and all of the above. But by no means is it all backwards ass religious bullshit, a lot of it is still backwards ass men.

You have to remember that power is not something any entity will willingly relinquish. So that there was a backlash to me2 and gross personalities and movements that arose from it were predictable.

Find better forums/sources/books/etc... because they do exist. And if you are analyzing what you're reading consider writing that up for yourself and or others. Here's a link for some lit. The fight continues.

 

[lonely&trapped.]

My take away from every post I read on this thread; yeah, I'm not even gonna sugar coat it:

Femininity in general is seen as inferior. Sadly, we live in a society where masculinity is seen as the default, its how its been historically.

Im not a woman; obviously. But as a gay guy who wanted to be feminine, I was ridiculed for it and my mom actively kept me from presenting that way. Sadly, even the femboy movement itself is sexualized (not surprising when its filled with males who think what femininity should be like).

Of course, in retrospect from my mom's perspective this makes sense. Something I wanted like dressing feminine as a man is something women get harrassed for just for existing; of course she'd want to protect me. Obviously, as a man I did not understand this at the time.

Of course, if we are going to have both genders express themselves freely without judgement, both genders need to be seen as equal and not one better than the other (and yes in this case masculinity is sadly seen as the superior sex); unfortunately that is easier said than done, it would take a complete upheaval of traditional roles and patriarichal views in society, and I'm not sure if thats possible even.

The way you feel is understandable; sadly their is just not a way out of it other than keeping off of social media entirely. Heteronormativity is built into our society, and sadly with that comes the inequality between the sexes; and yes, quite frankly I feel thats something that will always be an inherent problem with the way things are right now, as is the way society was built up with the heteronormative values by men/cis men in the first place (and it even affects gay men circles in some ways too).

Anyway, I don't have any point to what I'm saying other than attempting to actually validate your feelings, you aren't wrong in what you are saying; but I hope you can find a way to feel better about yourself regardless (of course sadly this is just an merely an empty platitude and I wish something more could be done, but thats why you are here in the first place).

....Or maybe none of my mindless rambling actually helped; in that sense I apologize, I know nothing I have said is probably nothing you already didn't know.

 

[Moniker]

I want to preface this by clarifying that I'm a man who supports gender abolition.

I think misogyny has been and currently is deeply rooted in our culture. Not even just in the explicit ways (housewife culture, needing a husband, etc.), but it even influences our art and media as well.

I thought it was interesting that you brought up the faults of feminist movements. My mom and sister definitely match the description of liberal feminists you described. I think you're definitely on-point when you highlight how some feminists seem to place women in a box. I feel like the fight should be oriented more towards the breakdown of gender roles entirely. No more questions of how a man or woman ought to act - people can just be themselves.

Anyways, I wanted to be pretty explicit about my agreement with you because you mentioned that you struggle to deal with the unchallenged sexist narratives that permeate society. They're just that: narratives. The fact that most people buy into it doesn't make it true. People may have their own ideas of what a woman is supposed to be, but it isn't worth caring what they should think.

Also, in spite of how annoying it can be to talk about feminism without things spiralling out of control, I hope you're able to find some people who don't try and tell you the "proper" way to act when venting about this stuff.