I’m considering running away and ctbing tonight

[toxicjester]

TJ living up to they name lol

Been having an argument with gf for days now and she said that if I really loved her I'd be able to just help her because if it was her then she'd be helping me

She also let slip that she's afraid I'll hurt her in her sleep

She said this relationship ends with a break up or suicide

So maybe I can just do the hard part for her

I'm currently trying to make things feel okay for her enough that she'll feel like maybe things aren't dog shit and she'll go to sleep.

Then I'll drive away even though I barely know how to drive and also the roads are iced over tonight. Maybe that enough could land me in an accident but if not maybe I can drive far away and turn off my location and find somewhere to freeze or drown or jump or anything!!!

I dunno even saying it now makes it feel less legit because if I don't end up doing it then I'm just another dumb motherfucker who's all talk and doesn't do any action, just like in my relationship
Just sucks because there's so much more I wanted to do before I died like have my big seal plush or maybe send Journey to my sibling so they could go on that journey I always wanted to take him on :(

And I wanted to die in a nice way but yo no sé

 

[maniac116]

Nope! That's a recipe for disaster. Impulsive (rather than planned) very rarely succeed.
I would try to take a breath or 10. Wait til you can think straight, then start a detailed plan that is not made out of feelings, but rather with facts & attention to details my friend
Nope! That's a recipe for disaster. Impulsive (rather than planned) acts very rarely succeed.
I would try to take a breath or 10. Wait til you can think straight, then start a detailed plan that is not made out of feelings, but rather with facts & attention to details my friend

 

[opheliaoveragain]

leaving it up to "or anything" is unfortunately not the way to go. a car crash etc could put you in a much worse situation.

im sorry you're dealing with all that. I can relate. it's objectively hard no matter the relationship. it wasn't mindful of her to use those words that way and I highly doubt you deserve it.

I understand hurting intensively and wanting to have everything just stop. but with even a little time away (from the hurtful situation) may put you in a better place to plan. skewing towards failure is never ideal. this is an important choice and it deserves a certain level of thought. we're here for you.

sending hugs to you

 

[thronesick]

TJ living up to they name lol

Been having an argument with gf for days now and she said that if I really loved her I'd be able to just help her because if it was her then she'd be helping me

She also let slip that she's afraid I'll hurt her in her sleep

She said this relationship ends with a break up or suicide

So maybe I can just do the hard part for her

I'm currently trying to make things feel okay for her enough that she'll feel like maybe things aren't dog shit and she'll go to sleep.

Then I'll drive away even though I barely know how to drive and also the roads are iced over tonight. Maybe that enough could land me in an accident but if not maybe I can drive far away and turn off my location and find somewhere to freeze or drown or jump or anything!!!

I dunno even saying it now makes it feel less legit because if I don't end up doing it then I'm just another dumb motherfucker who's all talk and doesn't do any action, just like in my relationship
Just sucks because there's so much more I wanted to do before I died like have my big seal plush or maybe send Journey to my sibling so they could go on that journey I always wanted to take him on :(

And I wanted to die in a nice way but yo no sé

hi i'm sorry you're feeling this way. when emotions and tensions are high it is very common to want to have emotional reactivity and do something impulsive but if you do plan to ctb it is something to carefully research and consider all aspects of each method. it is of course your choice if you plan to drown or freeze but please don't get in a accident and possibly injury or kill someone else. it is possible you will survive with severe injuries which can exacerbate your suffering. please take a moment to reconsider.

 

[toxicjester]

update: yea I figured it was stupid bullshit but seeing the comments confirming that is grounding

I still tried to make her feel better and she said she's "planning on giving up getting what I want because I'm hungry and want this to be over"

I went to the car but I just did a ritual to try to have some sense of control

Hopefully someone listens

Either way I'm here longer, unfortunately for everyone including myself

I'll probably keep my ramblings to my profile because I have a lot I want to say but for now thank you those who commented and sent kindness