im confused

[internetslut]

I dont even know if i want to ctb. like, it is always on my mind "what would happen if i did? would everything be better? who would be upset? how should i do it if i go through it? am i actually suicidal?" im just not sure. i am scared of death in a way, im scared of losing the one person who does care about me (my boyfriend). am i just not ready? or am i overthinking everything? im never not thinking about ctb, but im also never not thinking about the consequences of it..

 

[RichardFirst]

If you are confused about things, then you are probably not ready to CTB. When you've had enough of life, it feels quite clear.

 

[RichardFirst]

In other words "If you have to ask the question you're not ready to know the answer"

Something like that :). Don't get a tattoo until you know the design that you want, because it's permanent!

 

[Worndown]

If you don't mind me asking, what is the reason that keeps you thinking about ctb?

 

[internetslut]

If you don't mind me asking, what is the reason that keeps you thinking about ctb?

not entirely sure, sometimes its just a lingering thought that wont go away, even if im relatively happy; other times its because im scared that ill never be good enough for anyone or anything - and also the fact that ive always failed at everything. ctb seems like a peaceful way out of constantly feeling like i dont deserve anything, or to be called a person

 

[hi-okbye]

not entirely sure, sometimes its just a lingering thought that wont go away, even if im relatively happy; other times its because im scared that ill never be good enough for anyone or anything - and also the fact that ive always failed at everything. ctb seems like a peaceful way out of constantly feeling like i dont deserve anything, or to be called a person

i understand that feeling. i think your suicidality comes more from a place of feeling like you don't belong or don't deserve to belong, you can totally tell me if i'm wrong though.
personally like others said, i don't think you should ctb. there's a lot of things you can do to help your situation and your feeling, i don't think ctb is it.
when your ready to ctb, trust me you'll know. you'll get this feeling all over of just being completly done, with everything. i really hope you don't get to that point ever though. wishing you the best <3