Venting I'm always on and off on Sasu...

[illAF]

There are times where I think I might be able to continue my life. In fact, I think it's just that I don't know how to kms, I've tried so many different times but SI always kicked in.

Anyway. I find myself many times to be avoiding Sasu. Cause I feel it makes me feel worst (don't mistake me here, I'm still very very glad and thankful a place like this exists). But when I know I just can't kms, I avoid Sasu cause I try to live my life and thinking of ctb makes me feel worst.

Also, I'm really bad with messages, I have zero energy permanently so it's hard for me to have a proper conversation with anyone...

But I always come back here.

Am I the only one having this on/off relationship with Sasu ?

(Sorry for the bad english, i hope it's understandable, i fear i can't make myself fully understood because of the language barrier)

 

[malware]

No, I'm honestly experiencing something similar. I usually come to it when I'm feeling my worst and being able to read and talk to others, or just even kind of lurk sort of helps me feel a bit more rationalized and calm about the situation. It does help, but I do find myself on here sometimes to trigger myself.
Also, your english is very good. You have an even better vocabulary than me (a native english speaker) 99% of the time.

 

[pole]

I think that's normal.

taking your life is hard. the decision is easy, many of us have made up our minds on wanting to go and escape this hell hole. but taking that final step towards the edge takes time, and for some, we're waiting until we feel the time is right and when we've truly made peace with our decision.

I've also felt the same way as you. I've felt stuck for a long time. It feels like a chokehold, like I'm paralyzed and just waiting for death to come to me instead of making that jump towards the end.

at the same time, the site can be draining and it's okay to feel exhausted. the feelings are intense, constantly being surrounded by pain and suffering. we're already drowning in our own misery. but to then constantly shoulder and take on others pain and suffering, it can be overwhelming and become too much. sometimes, it's best to take breaks here and there to collect yourself away from the site.

go at your own speed. no problem with being on and off the site, while also being stuck in regards to wanting to CTB.

 

[Arachno]

No you are not, I'm also really bad making conversations with anyone here, I don't really post threads and when I do I usually end up deleting it after a few minutes, not because I wouldn't have the energy to, mainly because I just think the threads I create are useless and badly written. But I like this place and come here whenever I feel like it.

 

[UKscotty]

No your not the only one at all.

I think most of us here are really trying to find a way to live, even if we don't see it or want it.

I doubt the owner would ever publish the actual CTB to members ratio but I bet its very low. The people who go onto CTB feels less than 1 per day to me.

I ofen feel like a fraud here but the SI is complicated and powerful. Hopefully one day I will over come it.

 

[malware]

Stop lurking it's creepy

LMAO i lurk because i feel too awkward to say anything

 

[ropearoundatree]

I just can't figure out how to log-out half the damn time. . .

 

[Captive_Mind515]

I just can't figure out how to log-out half the damn time. . .

Out of life, or just this site?

 

[rozeske]

There are times where I think I might be able to continue my life. In fact, I think it's just that I don't know how to kms, I've tried so many different times but SI always kicked in.

Anyway. I find myself many times to be avoiding Sasu. Cause I feel it makes me feel worst (don't mistake me here, I'm still very very glad and thankful a place like this exists). But when I know I just can't kms, I avoid Sasu cause I try to live my life and thinking of ctb makes me feel worst.

Also, I'm really bad with messages, I have zero energy permanently so it's hard for me to have a proper conversation with anyone...

But I always come back here.

Am I the only one having this on/off relationship with Sasu ?

(Sorry for the bad english, i hope it's understandable, i fear i can't make myself fully understood because of the language barrier)

Been here for only a short time, i came here with just one intent and when I go I do hope to be gone once and for all. I wish you luck in whatever choice life leads you

 

[ropearoundatree]

Out of life, or just this site?

BOTH!

 

[Forever Sleep]

Personally, I don't think it impacts me negatively to be on here. I'd be having these thoughts regardless and have had for a very long time. I think if I intended to recover though- I'd be coming here less and trying to focus on working out ways to live. As it is, I'm begrudgingly doing that more because I feel I have to (for those left behind) but, bitterly complaining about it here!

I think you're wise though. I think everyone needs to take responsibility for their state of mind where they can. Including trying to avoid things that make it worse! For me though- they tend to be more unavoidable things like working and house work! I wish I could avoid them!