ScaredGirl
Mimi Ruru- 21 ~ she/her soft, death craving nerd
- Dec 20, 2020
- 71
It's so hard to explain. It's like I'm always so close to maybe feeling feelings maybe being interested enough in something to dedicate time to getting good at or maybe figuring out how to express myself. But I'm always feeling half here and half not. I ordered some SN and I got lots of things I found cool cute or interesting to try revive myself. I feel so empty. I wish to be good at things and passionate. Im constantly auciidal and depressed even when not in crisis. It's really horrible and I felt this way gradually more and more until the last few months it's been a full constant. It's scary. My mental ability my capabilities my ability to focus. They weren't ever great because adhd asd ed and cPTSD but I feel whatever is left of myself slipping away more and more and I feel fear isolation and constant anxiety. I need a hug I need someone to know me so they can tell me who I am because it's slipping away the intrusive thoughts. The ocd I am disabled mentally and physically but I don't want to live empty and unable to feel. I miss the family I had in my head who would talk to me and take over. My alters I really wish they were here still and I wish I could just go to their arms and stay in their.
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