Yeah, me too. And yes, I feel the same way. The benzos should take care of that fear a good bit. And just remember it is a profoundly peaceful way to die compared to most ways people go out. A small headache and some nausea. I've had worse flu seasons. This is nothing.
For me, those emotions are strong, too, right. I'm figuring that I'll try to counter them with equally strong emotions for the method. As in, I'm going to use anger and rage to try to counter-fuel the SI emotions. Rage at my father for sexually abusing me for all these years. Rage at my family for helping to push me into this corner. Rage at the world for having given me these shitty cards. Rage against my own impulses to save my own worthless skin. Rage against the pussy-ass fear of pain.
For me. The answer is rage.
For regret, I'm done with this side of life. There's nothing left for me here. I want to see what is on the other side, whatever it is. It's a journey, an adventure to unknown places. We shed ourselves of this fruitless mortal coil in search for greater worlds, spiritual or otherwise, or perhaps just the peace of nothingness. There is nothing to regret, for me.
next week I'll probably CTB anyway
