im afraid of leaving people behind

[flow]

hey all, first post here from a long time lurker, ive been the closest to ctb than ive ever been before, ive had the most strong urges to do so in the past week, its so unbearable sometimes. im afraid of hurting the ones i love, i know if i go, ill devastate them, i dont want to continue but i dont want to traumatize those loved ones either, im very stuck, im pretty much living for others right now.

 

[KClown]

Had the same thing happening to me. Unfortunate reality is the impossibility of not hurting the ones that truly love you when you decide to go.
So unless you completely break your ties with them beforehand there is nothing that can be done.

 

[flow]

Had the same thing happening to me. Unfortunate reality is the impossibility of not hurting the ones that truly love you when you decide to go.
So unless you completely break your ties with them beforehand there is nothing that can be done.

yeah, it really is unfortunate it has to be that way

 

[LastWhisper]

Yeah, that's the problem, even when you know that it won't bother you after death, it still don't let you to do. Maybe while you live for them you could start to live for yourself again. Anyway, I hope you can deal with it.

 

[laura fines]

hey all, first post here from a long time lurker, ive been the closest to ctb than ive ever been before, ive had the most strong urges to do so in the past week, its so unbearable sometimes. im afraid of hurting the ones i love, i know if i go, ill devastate them, i dont want to continue but i dont want to traumatize those loved ones either, im very stuck, im pretty much living for others right now.

i really understand you
cause i think the same since my plan is going to be more sure
i can´t stop thinking about my parents and sister and their pain caused by me

 

[flow]

i really understand you
cause i think the same since my plan is going to be more sure
i can´t stop thinking about my parents and sister and their pain caused by me

yeah, its all that runs through my mind, i cant devastate anyone but myself it seems

 

[ZeroChance888]

I'm with you, I'm hanging on for my daughter (she's 14, I would royally fuck her up for life I'm sure...and she's showing symptoms of bpd now thanks to me, yay.) and parents they are so old losing me like this (especially my mom, I'm pretty sure I inherited my bpd from her) would have a devastating impact which would domino on to my sisters. They are strong, they'd be fine eventually but then I think about the aftermath with my parents that would fall on their shoulders and I feel guilty and selfish. Damned if you, damned if you don't.