Venting I’m a useless and worthless piece of shit!

[A_miStake_of_NATURE]

I'm a useless and worthless piece of shit who deserved zero support in wanting to die. Why the hell am I still here??! Right. Because I'm also a f**king coward!!!! I didn't even deserve to have a courage to f**k off for good!!!!!!!
It's so f**king nice to say it loud out!!!!!
Cheers!

 

[Judah]

I'm a useless and worthless piece of shit who deserved zero support in wanting to die. Why the hell am I still here??! Right. Because I'm also a f**king coward!!!! I didn't even deserve to have a courage to f**k off for good!!!!!!!
It's so f**king nice to say it loud out!!!!!
Cheers!

I do not think you are a coward for not having gone to CTB, rather, your decision is far from the binary gap between cowardice and courage, it is you who decides if you want to live or die and do not feel that you are falling into any of these labels if Whether or not you get to do something, I wish you the best and hugs.

 

[Midgardsorm]

I see a lovely wonderful piece of heaven, who deserves happiness.

You think too low of yourself, you shouldn't. You've been very kind to me, to everyone here.

Life makes feel like this, it's unfair.

Let it all out, I will be here for you. Cheers

 

[Snake of Eden]

You are not what you are saying. I only seen a wonderful and sensitive person. Trauma and rejection makes us only project the worst onto ourselves so I get why you feel how you feel but it doesnt make it true.

 

[summers]

@A_miStake_of_NATURE joining as doesn't make you a coward. This is probably the best forum out there. And as far as not killing yourself yet, no sense in rushing it - you'll know when the time is right.

Other things, I'm not going to be dismissive and say you're a great person - maybe you're not. I don't think I'm a good person. But good person or not, I'm not going to judge you.

 

[BittersweetSymphony]

I feel you. My inner monologue is a constant stream of everything you just said. Funny thing is that no one else in my life sees me that way, kind of like how everyone here is telling you what a worthwhile person you are. My coworkers constantly tell me how smart I am, my boss adores me and comes to me for advice on difficult situations. I've kind of stopped seeing most of my friends lately, but they all like me. And yet all I can see when I look in the mirror is an utterly worthless human being. Stupid. Lazy. Cowardly. Too cowardly to even leave behind my miserable existence. I wish I could see myself like others do.

 

[claycsmith]

I am also a worthless sack of shit. But when the world is this bleak there's no point in trying to improve myself. For what? So I can spend the next 30 years being a high functioning contributor to society as it crumbles? Fuck that, I'm going to wallow in self pity until someone takes mercy on me and puts me out of my misery.

 

[Deleted member 8975]

I'm a useless and worthless piece of shit who deserved zero support in wanting to die. Why the hell am I still here??! Right. Because I'm also a f**king coward!!!! I didn't even deserve to have a courage to f**k off for good!!!!!!!
It's so f**king nice to say it loud out!!!!!
Cheers!

I feel like this ALL the time even though I say it infrequently. Self loathing is a miserable place to be and I hope it relieves you some by saying it out loud!

<3

 

[FuneralCry]

Suicide is very difficult after all, even know we want to die we are programmed to survive, if it was easier to leave, I would already be gone. It does not mean you are a coward, the fact that you are still here. Self hatred can be painful to deal with as after all there is no escape from ourselves and our thoughts. Whatever happens, I wish you the best.

 

[A_miStake_of_NATURE]

Thank you all for your kind words. Wish any of that was true.
Love you all

 

[Julgran]

I'm a useless and worthless piece of shit who deserved zero support in wanting to die.

What do you see as the reason for not deserving any support, whatever you wish to do?

We are useless together - such is life for everyone

 

[cambrai33]

I absolutely recognise why you say all those things about yourself but I don't thinI you are any of them either.

You are fighting the biggest battle inside your mind right now, nobody taught you how to deal with what's going on and you are doing the very best to try and rationalise the battle between logic and emotion. You are still here and still have fight in you.

Whatever you choose as the outcome try and be kind to yourself and you are no coward

 

[nopointofliving]

We are two now , cheers

 

[deathLiberation]

I'm a useless and worthless piece of shit who deserved zero support in wanting to die. Why the hell am I still here??! Right. Because I'm also a f**king coward!!!! I didn't even deserve to have a courage to f**k off for good!!!!!!!
It's so f**king nice to say it loud out!!!!!
Cheers!

The fact we are equipped with a survival instinct, tells how fckup this existence is.

No one asked to be born, but they made sure we would have a really hard time to exit this prison planet. Wish i had a "turn off" button.

And then, the systems tells you "it´s YOUR fault", "YOU should see life in a positive way", "YOU are this and that". And "YOU dont deserve it"

It´s just ridiculous.

 

[A_miStake_of_NATURE]

What do you see as the reason for not deserving any support, whatever you wish to do?

We are useless together - such is life for everyone

Support in ending my life. There's none. No one came to me, hugged me and told me they understood and wanted to help. There're only accusations of me being lazy, wanting to kms, being self-absorbed, not being able to put my shit aside.

I absolutely recognise why you say all those things about yourself but I don't thinI you are any of them either.

You are fighting the biggest battle inside your mind right now, nobody taught you how to deal with what's going on and you are doing the very best to try and rationalise the battle between logic and emotion. You are still here and still have fight in you.

Whatever you choose as the outcome try and be kind to yourself and you are no coward

Thank you. I'm choosing death. If so-called loved ones make me feel guilty for wanting to kms, for not being able to stop hurting bc it hurts them, I'm choosing death. I just never thought I'd feel so alone and misunderstood.

 

[Julgran]

Support in ending my life. There's none. No one came to me, hugged me and told me they understood and wanted to help. There're only accusations of me being lazy, wanting to kms, being self-absorbed, not being able to put my shit aside.

I suppose that it is a natural reaction for family and friends to react with shock if someone dear to them confessed their wish to end their life. See it this way: their lives have probably progressed exactly how they planned or expected, so they have no understanding of other people whose lives may not be as straight-forward.

The final decision is ultimately up to you, but can't you even see youself leaving those people behind and living on your own, and doing what you want? I'm asking this, not knowing who those other people who you mentioned, are, but I'm assuming that they are your family of origin.

 

[Onkyo74893]

Saying you are a useless and worthless piece of shit is engaging in: 1. All or nothing thinking 2. Overgeneralization 3. Mental filtering. One of, or some combination of these cognitive distortions. Almost everyone is a useless and worthless piece of shit....sometimes. But chances are, at other times you are a loving, caring, giving person. Nobody is one or two negative things at all times. Have you heard of cognitive behavioral therapy? CBT for short, ironically enough. Look it up online if you like. It may help you. My sister sent me a book written quite awhile ago, but still very relevant. Titled "Feeling Good, The New Mood Therapy" by David D. Burns, M.D. She sent it to me because I'm in a severe depression. Reading it isn't an instant fix, nothing in mental health is, but it helps.

 

[A_miStake_of_NATURE]

I suppose that it is a natural reaction for family and friends to react with shock if someone dear to them confessed their wish to end their life. See it this way: their lives have probably progressed exactly how they planned or expected, so they have no understanding of other people whose lives may not be as straight-forward.

The final decision is ultimately up to you, but can't you even see youself leaving those people behind and living on your own, and doing what you want? I'm asking this, not knowing who those other people who you mentioned, are, but I'm assuming that they are your family of origin.

Interesting, that you thought that those people I mentioned accomplished anything. I don't think they think they did. And they know what it's like to be suicidal or depressed. They're no strangers to such feelings. And yet somehow I'm the one who's been stigmatized.
I don't possess a job or enough skills to have a good one. All I'm good for is fast food restaurants, and they don't pay much. Besides, I hate myself and this life too much. It's not worth it. All I'm sad about is not being able to end it soon enough.

Saying you are a useless and worthless piece of shit is engaging in: 1. All or nothing thinking 2. Overgeneralization 3. Mental filtering. One of, or some combination of these cognitive distortions. Almost everyone is a useless and worthless piece of shit....sometimes. But chances are, at other times you are a loving, caring, giving person. Nobody is one or two negative things at all times. Have you heard of cognitive behavioral therapy? CBT for short, ironically enough. Look it up online if you like. It may help you. My sister sent me a book written quite awhile ago, but still very relevant. Titled "Feeling Good, The New Mood Therapy" by David D. Burns, M.D. She sent it to me because I'm in a severe depression. Reading it isn't an instant fix, nothing in mental health is, but it helps.

Thank you for your advice. But I'm always been all-or-nothing person. That's just who I am. And my philosophy is very simple: if I'm not who I wanted to be and my life is not what I wanted it to be, then I don't want anything else. I just wanted support from those who claim they care and love me.

 

[Julgran]

All I'm good for is fast food restaurants, and they don't pay much.

Where did your expectations come from? In today's society, most people pride themselves with status and high-paying jobs, but do you have any idea of how you, specifically, got the idea that you are not good enough?

I myself are having problems with dating, but I do know that women such as yourself don't need a high-paying job in order to find a partner - it's different for men, who barely can be said to exist if they don't have a high-paying career.

However, this is about you, and I just hope that you will realize that you will never need to be rich in order to find your way in life

 

[A_miStake_of_NATURE]

I'm a drop-out. I've barely had a few low paid jobs in my whole life. I'm 35. I literally know nothing that can be implemented anywhere.
I don't know what you mean by women like me. I have problems with dating myself. No one has ever loved me, besides my parents, whiny I'm grateful for. Cuz some of us had never even experienced parental love.
I want to be smart and beautiful and to be able to earn tons of money. It want in the cards for me, and it's fine. I made my peace with it. Although, tbh, I don't think i would want to keep living even if I had all the things that I lack.

Thank you. I found my way in life and it's in ending it. I hope things will get better for you. You seem very nice.

 

[Snake of Eden]

I have problems with dating myself. No I've ever loved me, besides my parents, whiny I'm grateful for. Cuz some of us had never even experienced parental love.

I know. At least something to feel grateful for in this wretched life. Would never have traded it for anything else

 

[Julgran]

I'm a drop-out. I've barely had a few low paid jobs in my whole life. I'm 35. I literally know nothing that can be implemented anywhere.
I don't know what you mean by women like me. I have problems with dating myself. No I've ever loved me, besides my parents, whiny I'm grateful for. Cuz some of us had never even experienced parental love.
I want to be smart and beautiful and to be able to earn tons of money. It want in the cards for me, and it's fine. I made my peace with it. Although, tbh, I don't think i would want to keep living even if I had all the things that I lack.

Thank you. I found my way in life and it's in ending it. I hope things will get better for you. You seem very nice.

Thank you for clarifying your situation. I purposefully presented my own situation to make an example of both myself and the situation that you are in, because money is not the top of the mountain of happiness that you may think. In today's dating culture, men generally avoid dating women who earn more money than themselves, because there is a fear that the woman might leave them if they can't keep up with the woman's earning potential - and this is just one of the many complex gender dynamic that are at play in today's dating market.

The bottom line is that money is the least of your worries, if you have everything else in order.

 

[A_miStake_of_NATURE]

Thank you for clarifying your situation. I purposefully presented my own situation to make an example of both myself and the situation that you are in, because money is not the top of the mountain of happiness that you may think. In today's dating culture, men generally avoid dating women who earn more money than themselves, because there is a fear that the woman might leave them if they can't keep up with the woman's earning potential - and this is just one of the many complex gender dynamic that are at play in today's dating market.

The bottom line is that money is the least of your worries, if you have everything else in order.

And if all I have is my mom's love (I'm not sure if she loves me anymore though…), then the bus is tired of waiting for me:)

 

[Julgran]

And if all I have is my mom's love (I'm not sure if she loves me anymore though…), then the bus is tired of waiting for me:)

I'm glad that you are able to take your situatoin somewhat lightly - a laugh has never killed anyone - as unfortunate as that can be for us, right..? Ha ha!

Anyhow - save money if you like to save for something special, if you like, but don't worry about men - we are simple creatures - much like flies that are drawn to sweets

The moment you crawl out of your current head-space, you may see that this is true.

 

[A_miStake_of_NATURE]

I'm glad that you are able to take your situatoin somewhat lightly - a laugh has never killed anyone - as unfortunate as that can be for us, right..? Ha ha!

Anyhow - save money if you like to save for something special, if you like, but don't worry about men - we are simple creatures - much like flies that are drawn to sweets

The moment you crawl out of your current head-space, you may see that this is true.

I don't care about men:):):):):)
It's funny I wanted to kms today, but I've overslept big time (16 straight hours no less!!! Lol), and I've still haven't eaten anything. And it's been like 28 hours since the last time I had anything. And in order to kms I need to eat and then fast (ironically) for another 6 hours before SN. But since it's weekend, my mom's home so I've missed my window

Thanks for being kind and wasting your time on me. I'm going to stick with good old self hatred and suicide. It's the only thing that makes sense to me.
Regarding your situation, hold your head up high. Good things will come your way

 

[Julgran]

I don't care about men:):):):):)
It's funny I wanted to kms today, but I've overslept big time (16 straight hours no less!!! Lol), and I've still haven't eaten anything. And it's been like 28 hours since the last time I had anything. And in order to kms I need to eat and then fast (ironically) for another 6 hours before SN. But since it's weekend, my mom's home so I've missed my window

Thanks for being kind and wasting your time on me. I'm going to stick with good old self hatred and suicide. It's the only thing that makes sense to me.
Regarding your situation, hold your head up high. Good things will come your way

Thank you very much for your kind words!

I'm not the one to tell you what to do - and neither is anyone else - but if you stick around here, you have the potential of helping someone else in need.

Take care of yourself.

 

[smikey23]

yeah, don't know you, but am certain you are the opposite of worthless. you are likely still alive because aren't ready to leave yet. take care.