Help I'm a "success" but never felt like it

[arrythmia]

Hello everyone, this my first post.
I'm 21 almost 22 i have depression and anxiety for almsot a decade now, I'm on med school, i have a good gpa, people like me and respect me, I'm seen like the breakout of my family.
My problem is that i never felt that way or proud of myself/accomplishments, i actively loathe and hate myself and i have been passively suicidal for many years and i have been -on and off- SHIng for 7 years.
I'm on therapy for the last 2,5 months and on 3 meds for the last 4.5 months
Propranolol
Qutipine (antipychotic for sleep)
Esctiloprame
Lamotrigine for the last 2 weeks
Nothing seems helping or working

What do i do? How do i get better? I just wish to help people and ease thier suffering

 

[kitty.iceFS]

i relate a lot to you . i hope it works out for you in the end:(

 

[arrythmia]

i relate a lot to you . i hope it works out for you in the end:(

We can only hope, thank you it's nice to feel like I'm not alone