im a rape baby?

[SparkleWater]

i know i will never change. People in my family dont "change" for the "better". we get worse. Way worse.
I doubt anybody remembered my post from when I found out how my dad forced pregnancy on my mom by making it look like an accident.
I came to the realization that he essentially raped her.
She didn't consent to being cummed in.
And maybe I'm downplaying rape. people who probably went through it on here are being like 'she has no idea what rape even is lmao'
but I cant get over the idea that I wasnt just not planned.
But forced.
Its been fucking with me since i came to that realization in the middle of the night a week or three ago. My mom never wanted me. And she lied to herself that she would have me for her and not HIM.
he had me for his own selfish reasons.
and here i am on a suicide forum talking about it.
funny how that works out

 

[amerie]

Honey, you aren't downplaying anything, he indeed r'ed her and it's NOT your fault. I'm so sorry.

You are more than your parents or your family, you can't choose them. There are famous singers who have siblings that can't hold a note, some of the sweetest people ever have evil parents who are murderers. You are an individual human. Give yourself grace.

I also relate, my dad is an abuser who stalked and harmed multiple women including me and my mother. It really doesn't define you and the life you choose to live.

 

[mangoastronaut]

That is rape, no downplaying. Just because it doesn't look like how media portrays it that doesn't mean it isn't rape. I had a similar experience where I was downplaying my own rape, even had the one friend I tried opening up to about it say it wasn't rape. But it was, even if it looked like I consented.

You are more than your parents or your family, you can't choose them. There are famous singers who have siblings that can't hold a note, some of the sweetest people ever have evil parents who are murderers. You are an individual human. Give yourself grace.

This. To add to the list, there is a reason why queer people who get disowned from their families find their own families. Many of the people I know who got rejected by their families turned out to be the most loving, giving, and resilient people. You are your own person able to make your own life outside of how it was made.