Venting im a fucking wh0re

[SW33TL0VER]

ive s3xted so many random men- even older married men so i guess u can also call me a homewrecker and i just send so many nud3s then i just disappear and move on to the next man- ive done this with probably over 100 men.. there are probably so many of them that have random pics and videos of me saved and it makes me wanna die. i know its my fault bc i did this in the first place but this all started when i was apparently gr00med by someone years ago- anyways yeah im just super hypers3xual and i hate it so much because i can't stop doing this shit but i regret it so much afterwards once they get off bc of me- i just hate everything i even had an ed not too long ago but recovered and it was apart of the reason but now i want to cut myself so much im clean for 2 months but i just want to cut all over my arms and destroy myself- i know i also do this bc of my bpd and to fill the emptiness- i just hate myself so much and ive been used where they would immediately leave after i send- and also some of the conversations were violent too.. i just feel disgusting even tho nothing happened irl

EDIT: should mention that im a lesbian so i don't actually enjoy it- i use it as a form of self harm and i cant stop for some reason

 

[Orbitc]

ive s3xted so many random men- even older married men so i guess u can also call me a homewrecker and i just send so many nud3s then i just disappear and move on to the next man- ive done this with probably over 100 men.. there are probably so many of them that have random pics and videos of me saved and it makes me wanna die. i know its my fault bc i did this in the first place but this all started when i was apparently gr00med by someone years ago- anyways yeah im just super hypers3xual and i hate it so much because i can't stop doing this shit but i regret it so much afterwards once they get off bc of me- i just hate everything i even had an ed not too long ago but recovered and it was apart of the reason but now i want to cut myself so much im clean for 2 months but i just want to cut all over my arms and destroy myself- i know i also do this bc of my bpd and to fill the emptiness- i just hate myself so much and ive been used where they would immediately leave after i send- and also some of the conversations were violent too.. i just feel disgusting even tho nothing happened irl

Do you enjoy having sex and receiving attention from a large number of men? If you like it, what's wrong with it? You should forget about social stigma - it's complete bullshit. Do what you like and don't look for a reason to be sad in it. I work as an escort and have been with several thousand men and I am not ashamed of it. I just hate my job and I dont like having sex - I'm an actress and I sell lies. I would like to learn to enjoy my work, but I can't.

 

[SW33TL0VER]

Do you enjoy having sex and receiving attention from a large number of men? If you like it, what's wrong with it? You should forget about social stigma - it's complete bullshit. Do what you like and don't look for a reason to be sad in it. I work as an escort and have been with several thousand men and I am not ashamed of it. I just hate my job and I like having sex - I'm an actress and I sell lies. I would like to learn to enjoy my work, but I can't.

thing is that im a lesbian, i actually dont enjoy it- i use it as a form of self harm and i cant stop for some reason

 

[Macrista]

Do you enjoy having sex and receiving attention from a large number of men? If you like it, what's wrong with it? You should forget about social stigma - it's complete bullshit. Do what you like and don't look for a reason to be sad in it. I work as an escort and have been with several thousand men and I am not ashamed of it. I just hate my job and I like having sex - I'm an actress and I sell lies. I would like to learn to enjoy my work, but I can't.

Very true

 

[Orbitc]

thing is that im a lesbian, i actually dont enjoy it- i use it as a form of self harm and i cant stop for some reason

It's strange if you don't get pleasure or some kind of material benefit. If you're not turned on by men, maybe it's just a weird form of masochism?

 

[SW33TL0VER]

It's strange if you don't get pleasure or some kind of material benefit. If you're not turned on by men, maybe it's just a weird form of masochism?

yeah i think it is

 

[flowerformygrave]

thing is that im a lesbian, i actually dont enjoy it- i use it as a form of self harm and i cant stop for some reason

I understand

ive s3xted so many random men- even older married men so i guess u can also call me a homewrecker and i just send so many nud3s then i just disappear and move on to the next man- ive done this with probably over 100 men.. there are probably so many of them that have random pics and videos of me saved and it makes me wanna die. i know its my fault bc i did this in the first place but this all started when i was apparently gr00med by someone years ago- anyways yeah im just super hypers3xual and i hate it so much because i can't stop doing this shit but i regret it so much afterwards once they get off bc of me- i just hate everything i even had an ed not too long ago but recovered and it was apart of the reason but now i want to cut myself so much im clean for 2 months but i just want to cut all over my arms and destroy myself- i know i also do this bc of my bpd and to fill the emptiness- i just hate myself so much and ive been used where they would immediately leave after i send- and also some of the conversations were violent too.. i just feel disgusting even tho nothing happened irl

EDIT: should mention that im a lesbian so i don't actually enjoy it- i use it as a form of self harm and i cant stop for some reason

I know what you mean I did this too and idk I feel horrible and like a slut but at the same time I know if my life/childhood wasn't all fucked up I wouldn't have done it at all. Or I hope. Being gr00med and a$$ulted is so traumatizing we find any other means to feel good. Even though it doesn't actually feel good.

 

[Green_leaf]

Is this thread for real?

 

[134340]

I'm also a lesbian who uses men as self harm. I'm sorry you're going through it too. It's confusing to everyone else but when you're a lesbian it can be really isolating and nobody gets that except other lesbians. Combine the isolation of the identity with mental health issues in general and more lesbians than you think use men as self harm. Sending you love <3

 

[loser098]

People like you have caused me so many problems in my life. I'll refrain from saying worse.

Is this thread for real?

Probably. These are behaviors that a majority of younger women engage in online.

 

[SW33TL0VER]

People like you have caused me so many problems in my life. I'll refrain from saying worse.


Probably. These are behaviors that a majority of younger women engage in online.

can u explain pls abt causing problems

 

[Kit1]

I am so sorry that you are clearly self harming and feeling quite bad about this amd experiencing a number of negative emotions. Have you ever considered seeking therapy to talk through this to try and find the root cause of the problems and trying to resolve it?

 

[SW33TL0VER]

I am so sorry that you are clearly self harming and feeling quite bad about this amd experiencing a number of negative emotions. Have you ever considered seeking therapy to talk through this to try and find the root cause of the problems and trying to resolve it?

yes i do have therapy thanks for caring

 

[Kit1]

yes i do have therapy thanks for caring

I have no right to say this or even think it and it is probably not correct to write this - but I feel.that it needs to be said. Please try not to think, feel or say that you are a "fucking whore". I get that this is probably how you are feeling, but you are not getting any pleasure out of this and you yourself agree that this is a form of self harm which means that you are a victim in all of this. Why would you blame or shame a victim? Please try and be kind to yourself.

I am not talking blindly in this. I hold a lot of self hatred and constantly feel dirty of what was done to me against my will as a child. And I have to keep telling myself that I was a victim and try and stop those negative feelings and belittling myself.

The world doesn't look out for or look after victims in the long term - first we need to try and be kind to ourselves which is difficult - but let us at least try. Everytime a negative thought enters our mind or a negative feeling becomes overwhelming, let us try and challenge it.

I don't know you, but I challenge you to think of yourself as trying to make a journey from being a victim to a survivor- and for self harming as a temporary means of coping. If as a stranger, I can trust you and respect you - at least you can try.

I am so sorry if any if what I have written has hurt you. Take care.

 

[daydreams]

Nothing wrong with what you did
You don't have to ashamed, who cares
This life is stupid to begin with, don't take it seriously

 

[MeltingBrain]

I dont like having sex - I'm an actress and I sell lies. I would like to learn to enjoy my work, but I can't.

If you don;t mind me asking why do you hate sex ? Is it because there are no emotions involved having it with random men ?

 

[donewithlife1]

ive s3xted so many random men- even older married men so i guess u can also call me a homewrecker and i just send so many nud3s then i just disappear and move on to the next man- ive done this with probably over 100 men.. there are probably so many of them that have random pics and videos of me saved and it makes me wanna die. i know its my fault bc i did this in the first place but this all started when i was apparently gr00med by someone years ago- anyways yeah im just super hypers3xual and i hate it so much because i can't stop doing this shit but i regret it so much afterwards once they get off bc of me- i just hate everything i even had an ed not too long ago but recovered and it was apart of the reason but now i want to cut myself so much im clean for 2 months but i just want to cut all over my arms and destroy myself- i know i also do this bc of my bpd and to fill the emptiness- i just hate myself so much and ive been used where they would immediately leave after i send- and also some of the conversations were violent too.. i just feel disgusting even tho nothing happened irl

EDIT: should mention that im a lesbian so i don't actually enjoy it- i use it as a form of self harm and i cant stop for some reason

Just be careful STD is very series's and can kill you don't want to get or give it!!

 

[plan c]

Oh I have mixed feelings about this... I've no idea if the frequent sexual activities are intended for self-harm or the m-word I can't spell. I want you to stay physically healthy at very least, for sex to be sustainable mental outlet. There's ppl willing to take care of you, always. Does that cheer you up?
You had all the sex while all you want is actually love.

 

[Orbitc]

If you don;t mind me asking why do you hate sex ? Is it because there are no emotions involved having it with random men ?

Yes and I perceive sex as a dirty and disgusting job. I find this physically unpleasant. I don't feel excited, it's some kind stress for me. Moreover, I am spoiled by male attention and I have very high demands and I have specific fetishes... But I am a good actress))) I do everything well and beautifully so that the man would cum as quickly as possible and leave, but would want to come later again and become a regular client. I can no longer perceive it differently. When some man shows interest in me, I think - you scum want to take advantage of me, you want to fuck me for free - I don't want to end up in the place of my clients' wives. It's a pity that I can't enjoy my work. I am very jealous of whores who get pleasure from it and fuck with anyone for free)) I don't physically enjoy sex with men, probably because I'm used to masturbation - I did it for 12 years. And there is also a constant fear of getting sick. I always require my clients to wear a condom - and sex in rubber is very unpleasant, even if i use lubricant. I have never felt any interest or love for a man. The only thing I need from men is money.

 

[novi.jpg]

Yes and I perceive sex as a dirty and disgusting job. I find this physically unpleasant. I don't feel excited, it's some kind stress for me. Moreover, I am spoiled by male attention and I have very high demands and I have specific fetishes... But I am a good actress))) I do everything well and beautifully so that the man would cum as quickly as possible and leave, but would want to come later again and become a regular client. I can no longer perceive it differently. When some man shows interest in me, I think - you scum want to take advantage of me, you want to fuck me for free - I don't want to end up in the place of my clients' wives. It's a pity that I can't enjoy my work. I am very jealous of whores who get pleasure from it and fuck with anyone for free)) I don't physically enjoy sex with men, probably because I'm used to masturbation - I did it for 12 years. And there is also a constant fear of getting sick. I always require my clients to wear a condom - and sex in rubber is very unpleasant, even if i use lubricant. I have never felt any interest or love for a man. The only thing I need from men is money.

you're experiencing a lot of complex and conflicting emotions about your work and personal life. remember that your feelings and experiences are valid, and it's okay to have mixed feelings about your job and sexual experiences.

 

[Manfrotto99]

If you feel like a f.....en whore but cant stop then why not just be one one and get paid for it.
That way you can do it with some self respect and I imagine still get some masochism pleasure from it. You can be upfront and treat it as a professional job. You may not enjoy the job but you can still do it in a respectful professional manner.

 

[Intoxicated]

But I am a good actress))) I do everything well and beautifully so that the man would cum as quickly as possible and leave, but would want to come later again and become a regular client.

That sounds like an advertisement :-) Be sure that experienced clients notice the difference between simulation and real feelings of women. The gap between horny girls with high libido and good simulants is nearly as huge as the gap between good simulants and passive lazy sex workers.

I don't physically enjoy sex with men, probably because I'm used to masturbation - I did it for 12 years.

A lot of women can't achieve orgasm only with intercourse. Cunnilingus is often more effective when it's done properly. If masturbation works for you, you can practice it during intercourse.

I always require my clients to wear a condom - and sex in rubber is very unpleasant, even if i use lubricant.

Some lubricants dry up too fast. Maybe you should try better ones.

 

[novi.jpg]

yes i do have therapy thanks for caring

Here if you would like to chat more.

 

[Spiritual survivor]

There are worse things out there to be than a whore. U might be on your way to positive change because u don't like what u are doing, this is actually good. Please forgive yourself and be gentle with yourself. It's very easy for this to happen, and it becomes like a compulsion. Some of us struggle with intimacy, forming healthy relationships, attachment disorder, object constancy issues.

 

[Fadeawaaaay]

Sounds like you're just a bit lonely

 

[Yuna is My Waifu]

I've never received nudes from women, i think it's because I'm super ugly plus am very shy. You should be a little carefull though in case one of the men is horrible and decides to leak them. Just be carefull.

 

[RosebyAnyName]

I'm also a lesbian and I can relate to what you're saying. I'm a virgin so take what I'm saying with a grain of salt, but I was sexually harassed by boys as a kid pretty badly. When I tried to speak up about the boys who sexually harassed me, I was told it was because "they liked me," and I was in the wrong for disliking the attention from those boys. I was told this was a normal male-female dynamic, and to just expect it going forward as a woman. I tried to force myself to be with men on multiple occasions because I was taught that's what I was "supposed" to do as a woman, it was easier to think that way than to accept that the world is fundamentally unsafe for people like me, due to reasons outside of my control. I was also non-consensually exposed to a lot of graphic sexual content way too young and it warped my perception of sex and my sexuality.

I think a lot of people in this thread are missing the point. Hypersexuality is a known trauma response, and trying to find the balance between your actual sexual preferences and what's just sexual self-harm can be difficult to identify. You're unsatisfied with what you have right now, so I hope you can discover and pursue the sex life you truly want (be that with just one partner, with multiple partners, abstinence, with only women, etc.)

 

[jatty]

Hello, I am sorry for some of the comments in this thread. Some seem to not quite understand what you're going through.

I won't give details- but I have self harmed in similar ways. Making yourself feel like an object, or being used. It really mentally abuses yourself and makes you feel like you don't deserve real connection or happiness.

Because maybe you really do feel like you don't deserve any, or maybe you just want attention and care (which isn't something to be shameful of), or maybe you just want to reenact comfortable (but bad) patterns that has happened in the past, to reinforce negative ideas about yourself.
Maybe you just want to dig yourself in the deepest pit possible to you don't have anything to hold on for.

For me, it was all of those.

I still struggle with this.
We both know it's something we shouldn't do.
So, what I can do, for you atleast, is to offer my empathy and sympathy. This is a deeply saddening thing, to feel like you don't deserve real love, or so desperately want any scraps you can get. I am so very sorry.

If you need to, delete all social media, and ghost people who talk bad about you being a "whore."
The only person who should have an opinion on that is your partner, and if it's a partner you want, they're opinion should be that they see you as more than that.

I know it's hard to get past feeling bad about the stigma. And it will feel bad. But as you get more comfortable in yourself, and find people who see you, it won't be something you will think about everyday anymore.

 

[uncat_]

ive s3xted so many random men- even older married men so i guess u can also call me a homewrecker and i just send so many nud3s then i just disappear and move on to the next man- ive done this with probably over 100 men.. there are probably so many of them that have random pics and videos of me saved and it makes me wanna die. i know its my fault bc i did this in the first place but this all started when i was apparently gr00med by someone years ago- anyways yeah im just super hypers3xual and i hate it so much because i can't stop doing this shit but i regret it so much afterwards once they get off bc of me- i just hate everything i even had an ed not too long ago but recovered and it was apart of the reason but now i want to cut myself so much im clean for 2 months but i just want to cut all over my arms and destroy myself- i know i also do this bc of my bpd and to fill the emptiness- i just hate myself so much and ive been used where they would immediately leave after i send- and also some of the conversations were violent too.. i just feel disgusting even tho nothing happened irl

EDIT: should mention that im a lesbian so i don't actually enjoy it- i use it as a form of self harm and i cant stop for some reason

honestly, i think it'd only count as being whorish if you actually enjoyed it, but you don't.
i can relate to it, when i was younger (as a minor) i'd sext lots of older men to harm myself. i wanted to be used, i felt thats what i deserved. it became a sort of addiction.
different than your situation, but i can understand where you're coming from.

 

[cryone]

Hm, I don't think there is anything wrong with what you're doing (except when its with married/taken men). However, you don't enjoy it. I think it'd be best if you tried to make friends instead and forget the situation. I think that would solve the issue of the "emptiness." Easier said than done though. Wish you the best.