Venting Im a fool

[FailureToAll]

I'm such a fool. Always living in a dream world. I've had an on and off relationship with him for years. The last time we got together before we decided to try again I brought up the fact that I didn't want to and didn't feel able to move country so if he wanted to try again he would have to be willing to move or we would just have to not try again. He agreed to be the one to move but recently his life situation changed so I sent a lot and got the response I dreaded. It's over isn't it :( the only thing that gave me enough hope to live I am losing again for probably the 5th time. I want to rip my heart out. I hate myself so being so stupid. I hate that it's nearly Christmas so it feels like an awful time to ctb but I don't want to live another day without him.

 

[spookycuddles]

I cant say I get but im kinda in the same situation, or at least I will be. I dont mean to send dry text. and Im also super negative, hes way more attractive, im not really attractive though at all lol. Its a only matter of time before this is us.I think im going to end it tommorow.so he doestn get attached to me. if I cant find a recipe for my preferred method then Ill be using a noose. Hope you get better tho

 

[FailureToAll]

I'm such a fool. Always living in a dream world. I've had an on and off relationship with him for years. The last time we got together before we decided to try again I brought up the fact that I didn't want to and didn't feel able to move country so if he wanted to try again he would have to be willing to move or we would just have to not try again. He agreed to be the one to move but recently his life situation changed so I sent a lot and got the response I dreaded. It's over isn't it :( the only thing that gave me enough hope to live I am losing again for probably the 5th time. I want to rip my heart out. I hate myself so being so stupid. I hate that it's nearly Christmas so it feels like an awful time to ctb but I don't want to live another day without him.

He suggested us both going back and forth between both countries. But now he stopped replying for 3 hours to think. Maybe he's regretting suggesting that and realising he just wants to end things. He also admitted his friends said he shouldn't move here. I know its his life circumstances that changed not our relationship but it still feels like he loves me less now that he's no longer willing to move for me. His friends are a bigger priority than me and we're able to support him when I couldn't and I hate everything especially myself. I don't think it matters whether he loves me or wants to be with me anymore because in my head he doesn't and thats all I can feel even if it's not true. I just want to die this second because I can't cope with my own thoughs and emotions. I'm such a weak and pathetic person. I never deserved him anyway and he knows that deep down. He's so going to leave me. I don't have a good place to tie my rope to. I'm really heavy so I need something strong. I also feel awful that I'll be doing it in my parents house and near Christmas but I don't want to be here any longer there's no point. I have no future anymore

 

[Spiritual survivor]

You're not a fool. The only mistake in my opinion is when people live in different countries. How did u meet? You are both geographically undesirable to each other because one person has to make a major move away from where they have friends, relatives, and familiarity. That's a lot to risk and even more so if the people are not affluent enough to bounce back, move back if things don't go as expected.

 

[FailureToAll]

You're not a fool. The only mistake in my opinion is when people live in different countries. How did u meet? You are both geographically undesirable to each other because one person has to make a major move away from where they have friends, relatives, and familiarity. That's a lot to risk and even more so if the people are not affluent enough to bounce back, move back if things don't go as expected.

We met on a discord server for people with mental health issues.. not the most exciting meeting story aha. Yeah it is a big risk, and mental health issues and money are big issues for us and yeah just a lot to risk. Idk what will happen. Still waiting for him to message again so we can decide what to do now. But I'm not sure I can mentally handle the whole situation anyway. Oh well. Thanks for replying <3