I'm a complete failure who can't even kill herself

[borderlinee]

I am turning 19 this year, I'm about to drop out of highschool since I am failing every class, I also was recently diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia, bpd and have been living with my neglectful father. He has a new baby, a new family and it's making me extremely suicidal, I shouldn't care at my big age, but I can't even sleep at night because the baby won't shut the fuck up. I was extremely suicidal before developing psychosis, but now my survival instinct is getting too strong. I'm taking olanzapine and haldol which has horrible side effects like numbness and overeating. I want to kill myself so badly, but I am too much of a pussy to do it, I don't know what to do anymore. I wish I could go live with my mom, but she's living in borderline poverty

 

[evanave]

I'm so sorry to hear what you're going through. No one deserves to have parents like that.

 

[WilliamXX]

I am turning 19 this year, I'm about to drop out of highschool since I am failing every class, I also was recently diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia, bpd and have been living with my neglectful father. He has a new baby, a new family and it's making me extremely suicidal, I shouldn't care at my big age, but I can't even sleep at night because the baby won't shut the fuck up. I was extremely suicidal before developing psychosis, but now my survival instinct is getting too strong. I'm taking olanzapine and haldol which has horrible side effects like numbness and overeating. I want to kill myself so badly, but I am too much of a pussy to do it, I don't know what to do anymore. I wish I could go live with my mom, but she's living in borderline poverty

Things will get better. Look, it is a cliché but you are very young, and life takes many twists and turns. I can understand the frustration you must feel, but the baby will grow up before you know it. Please do not think I am belittling your feelings, but you have a long path before you and the moment is just that, a moment.

 

[borderlinee]

Things will get better. Look, it is a cliché but you are very young, and life takes many twists and turns. I can understand the frustration you must feel, but the baby will grow up before you know it. Please do not think I am belittling your feelings, but you have a long path before you and the moment is just that, a moment.

Thank you, it means a lot to me.

 

[stuckinthemud]

I am turning 19 this year, I'm about to drop out of highschool since I am failing every class, I also was recently diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia, bpd and have been living with my neglectful father. He has a new baby, a new family and it's making me extremely suicidal, I shouldn't care at my big age, but I can't even sleep at night because the baby won't shut the fuck up. I was extremely suicidal before developing psychosis, but now my survival instinct is getting too strong. I'm taking olanzapine and haldol which has horrible side effects like numbness and overeating. I want to kill myself so badly, but I am too much of a pussy to do it, I don't know what to do anymore. I wish I could go live with my mom, but she's living in borderline poverty

I'm so sorry it sounds very stressful. Is there any social housing in your area you could access and disability payments ?

 

[mortuarymary]

Thank you, it means a lot to me.

You are young. I won't dismiss your feelings. Is there anywhere else you can live? I think staying at Dads is causing you real harm. I know you say moms broke but both together you could get through this. Are there benefits you can claim?

 

[WilliamXX]

Thank you, it means a lot to me.

No worries. Home can be a pressure cooker, especially with siblings! Your feelings are completely understandable. I really hope it gets better for you, and I believe it will.

 

[borderlinee]

I'm so sorry it sounds very stressful. Is there any social housing in your area you could access and disability payments ?

I'll look into it and see what I can do, thank you for the suggestion :)

You are young. I won't dismiss your feelings. Is there anywhere else you can live? I think staying at Dads is causing you real harm. I know you say moms broke but both together you could get through this. Are there benefits you can claim?

Since I have schizophrenia I'm pretty sure I can get benefits, I heard it can take a year to apply tho. You're right about staying with my mom, sadly I don't have my room ready yet, I'm gonna stay with her for a few days anyways. Thank you.

 

[staticdepression]

I totally feel what you're going through
My family sucked too.
I ran away and lived alone for a year.
Eventually I came back
I was changed, my family was changed
Now they're very supportive of me
I still want to ctb because of my illness not because of my family being dicks.

Don't ctb just yet! You can always do it later when you're 100% sure it's the only option.
But there's still hope for you
You're so young and so many things can change. don't give up,!
And hey. Don't be so hard on yourself and don't take life too seriously.
Have you ever played videogames?
Life is a like videogame, good graphics but shitty story.
Just try to enjoy it, it'll end sooner or later.

 

[borderlinee]

I totally feel what you're going through
My family sucked too.
I ran away and lived alone for a year.
Eventually I came back
I was changed, my family was changed
Now they're very supportive of me
I still want to ctb because of my illness not because of my family being dicks.

Don't ctb just yet! You can always do it later when you're 100% sure it's the only option.
But there's still hope for you
You're so young and so many things can change. don't give up,!
And hey. Don't be so hard on yourself and don't take life too seriously.
Have you ever played videogames?
Life is a like videogame, good graphics but shitty story.
Just try to enjoy it, it'll end sooner or later.

Thank you :)