i think i'm a bit of a manipulator. not so much in the sense of manipulating my friends, but in that i try my best to get people to like me romantically purely because i like the feeling of people liking me. but then i treat them like shit. i was talking with this one woman (im a lesbian) for about 2.5 weeks about being in a long distance relationship (we were 5 hours away) but i then sent pictures of my chest to another woman i met online. i cut off contact with the first woman and have been flirting with the second woman for a few weeks now despite us living 16 hours away, and im scared that all i've done is caused her to get attached to me—meanwhile, im in no mental position for anything real and i'm also no longer into long distance stuff. and i feel bad, but it makes me feel good having ppl like me? and i just feel manipulative and shitty even if having people like me feels good. idk, i just feel like i manipulated people into liking me and getting attached. i haven't texted the first woman in a few weeks because i feel like shit but she's been texting me about how she misses me and i feel so bad but i feel like the only reason i ever let her get that close in the first place was because i was being manipulative? sorry if none of this makes sense, i'm sick atm and a little delirious
i woke up and reread this and realized it was almost illegible, sorry about that 
i was pretty delirious from being sick and didn't know how to format paragraphs last night
i was pretty delirious from being sick and didn't know how to format paragraphs last night
