sorararara
not much to look at
- Feb 12, 2023
- 49
no one is taking me seriously. whenever i talk about my problems, i'm talked over, ignored, or my issues get downplayed. talking just doesn't work. i don't think anyone believes that i'm genuinely struggling. i've thought about "attempting" ctb in a way that i know won't kill me (taking large but non-lethal doses of meds, timing it perfectly so someone sees me, etc) but i think that would make things worse, but i've already exhausted every other option. antidepressants, therapists, being open about my feelings, etcetcetc.
it's such a pathetic plan, i don't think i'll go through with it, but i think about it a lot. it seems like my only way of getting people to take me seriously. i don't even think my doctors realize how bad it is, they seem so indifferent about everything.
this is all useless anyways. i feel so guilty whenever i make someone worry, but i so desperately WANT someone to worry about me. i'm so conflicted and desperate.
i don't want to actually ctb but i don't want to be sad for the rest of my life. i'm just so tired of trying to get help and failing. dying is scary to me, but it honestly seems to be my only option.
it's such a pathetic plan, i don't think i'll go through with it, but i think about it a lot. it seems like my only way of getting people to take me seriously. i don't even think my doctors realize how bad it is, they seem so indifferent about everything.
this is all useless anyways. i feel so guilty whenever i make someone worry, but i so desperately WANT someone to worry about me. i'm so conflicted and desperate.
i don't want to actually ctb but i don't want to be sad for the rest of my life. i'm just so tired of trying to get help and failing. dying is scary to me, but it honestly seems to be my only option.