turbomightbegone
🎣
- Nov 13, 2023
- 155
pretty self-explanatory via the title, but im complete shit.
every day living in this life is fucking hell. i can never escape from it. im so tired.
whenever i try to be better it just… fails so horribly. I could be doing well for about a week max… then some minor inconvenience sends me into a downwards spiral and resets me back to stage one.
I haven't been frequenting this site as much as I used to because I really am trying to fight my suicidal thoughts, but it never works. never.
i literally have a fucking rope in my bookshelf. but im too scared to use it.
i think im too used to just… being in shit.
too used to being yelled at and overworked and whatnot.
so when I actually try to be better it just… never lasts.
i cant get a diagnosis or go to therapy because my family is keeping me in this hellhole. so it's up to me to fix myself. except i cant fix myself, because im stuck in this hellhole.
my friends are my only source of distraction and healing but im being cut off from them thanks to my bitchass mother.
i cant even function in society because i was never taught to. i was pulled out of education half the time, I can't fucking socialise with random people, i cant go to college or get a job because of my lack of education and socialisation and my only source of income is these stupid fucking art commissions that im not even good at so who the actual fuck would bother paying for them
i want to give up so bad but im so scared to fucking kill myself because im a bitchass coward with a whole plethora of undiagnosed mental illnesses that make it impossible for me to make a final decision
god i fucking hate this actual fucking bitchass
every day living in this life is fucking hell. i can never escape from it. im so tired.
whenever i try to be better it just… fails so horribly. I could be doing well for about a week max… then some minor inconvenience sends me into a downwards spiral and resets me back to stage one.
I haven't been frequenting this site as much as I used to because I really am trying to fight my suicidal thoughts, but it never works. never.
i literally have a fucking rope in my bookshelf. but im too scared to use it.
i think im too used to just… being in shit.
too used to being yelled at and overworked and whatnot.
so when I actually try to be better it just… never lasts.
i cant get a diagnosis or go to therapy because my family is keeping me in this hellhole. so it's up to me to fix myself. except i cant fix myself, because im stuck in this hellhole.
my friends are my only source of distraction and healing but im being cut off from them thanks to my bitchass mother.
i cant even function in society because i was never taught to. i was pulled out of education half the time, I can't fucking socialise with random people, i cant go to college or get a job because of my lack of education and socialisation and my only source of income is these stupid fucking art commissions that im not even good at so who the actual fuck would bother paying for them
i want to give up so bad but im so scared to fucking kill myself because im a bitchass coward with a whole plethora of undiagnosed mental illnesses that make it impossible for me to make a final decision
god i fucking hate this actual fucking bitchass
