I actually haven't been able to 'let go' of anything. Although, that may be because I'm not actually firmly committed to ctb - there's a chance I'll never do it. I worry constantly about disease, finances, being harmed by/harming others, and social standing. I know that failures in all of tthese areas will lead to immense pain. I can't let go unless I know I can end it 100%.
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Cowtipper, pthnrdnojvsc, sparkie and 1 other person
I care that I may leave people with nothing. I don't have a thought nor do I look both ways when making a turn in my car. If your in my way watch out because at this point it's just money in my spouses bank!
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Cowtipper, Some1's_Wasted_Fetus and GenesAndEnvironment
When I first became actively suicidal I did stop worrying about things. Now I rarely feel the emotion "worry" or "fear" strongly at all. But I do want to avoid prison/torture/etc. Big amounts of physical pain and situations where my ability to ctb is reduced I wish to avoid, and the chances of such horrors happening in the near future are very, very low.
If I was walking around with a sawed-off loaded with slugs or 00 buckshot I would probably feel very, very calm about everything.
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Cowtipper, pthnrdnojvsc, Trisolaris and 1 other person
When I first became actively suicidal I did stop worrying about things. Now I rarely feel the emotion "worry" or "fear" strongly at all. But I do want to avoid prison/torture/etc. Big amounts of physical pain and situations where my ability to ctb is reduced I wish to avoid, and the chances of such horrors happening in the near future are very, very low.
If I was walking around with a sawed-off loaded with slugs or 00 buckshot I would probably feel very, very calm about everything.
Probably shouldn't say this but I carry a decent knife everywhere, just don't feel safe without a way of hurting myself. Or some other clown who gets a bit tasty.
the only thing i give a shit about is my dogs and making sure they are well cared for. i don't care what happens to my body or mind or anything outside my personal life. the world has never been worse and i think nothing of it
I gained lots of weight and became really lazy because I'm like "I will ctb, who cares?" but the thing is... I'm still alive and dealing with lots of shit.
I don't know how long I'll be able to keep this up.
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