• ⚠️ UK Access Block Notice: Beginning July 1, 2025, this site will no longer be accessible from the United Kingdom. This is a voluntary decision made by the site's administrators. We were not forced or ordered to implement this block. If you're located in the UK, we recommend using a VPN to maintain access.

Falseunderworld

Falseunderworld

I banish you to the underworld for all eternity
Feb 3, 2023
86
How did you fail your previous attempts and how long before you were able to attempt again?

If you went to a ward what did you think? Ive always had bad experiences
 
  • Like
Reactions: Tarucest, sigil_sara, livingdeadgrl and 1 other person
aforestfire

aforestfire

"for truly, i am no longer a part of the world."
Dec 17, 2022
88
i never failed because i never tried, but i read a lot about those that did and i think the biggest issue is doing it impulsively, with a unreliable method and without proper search. also, you can't control what happens after you already pass out, you have to plan the max. that you can, so no one finds you in time and you end up surviving or worse (with brain damage).

about how long it takes before you're able to try again, it depends if you have people around you, if they're the type that would put you under suicide watch and how long would take until they forget about your attempt. some hospitals just send you right back home after you're no longer in risk of immediate death.
 
  • Like
Reactions: babiebeann, sigil_sara and Falseunderworld
DukeDestroyer

DukeDestroyer

I HATE YOU!
Feb 1, 2023
68
My method tends to have high success rate. Shotgun to the head. If I somehow survive, then I'll be a different person. Capable of doing nothing.
 
  • Like
Reactions: sigil_sara
Freebird4567

Freebird4567

Member
Nov 7, 2022
40
I failed because I tried ODing on OTC meds and didn't do my research properly, I'm planning to use SN this time.
I was on a ward and didn't find it helpful, alot of nurses there didn't care and were only there for the money.
 
  • Like
  • Hugs
Reactions: leeloosnow, Tarucest, throwawayyy and 2 others
boxtobs

boxtobs

unfortunate geometry (Toby)
Jan 23, 2023
26
I am unfortunately a bit of "miracle" case as they had the gall to call it when I woke up in the hospital.
In my larger attempts over past few years, I've taken triple the lethal dose of lamictal (lamotrigine) and double the lethal dose of wellbutrin (bupropion). Put myself in a coma, stopped my heart a few times, the whole shebang. I've also gone the slow route and refrained from water and food for a week or so before getting caught. I was not excepted to survive the overdoses.

Part of what messed me up with the medications was, as I'm sure most people are aware, taking hundreds of pills will cause you to throw up no matter the medication. Had I kept down all of the lamictal I might have been able to succeed. Or maybe not. It was certainly the attempt that caused the most brain damage though; they first thought I wouldn't wake up, then they thougt I may be unable to relearn to walk after.
With the wellbutrin, what I hadn't accounted for was how severe the seizures would be and how much noise it would make. I had restrained my limbs and secured myself to a heavy piece of furniture in hopes of mitigating the issue, but that was not nearly enough. I broke many things in my unconscious struggle, and the cops were called by those who overheard.
With my overdoses being as lethal as they were, they kept me on constant watch and observation after the hospital and wards. Social workers, "peer support" people, therapists, psychs. I was not allowed to have any large quantities of medication, I will never be able to own or purchase or use a gun (even at a shooting range), I can't show any signs of distress or they'll lock me up me again, ect. Merciful options are few and far between these days.

As for locked wards, I've been in 7 of them at least. It's one thing to be abused by people normally. It's another to be abused in a place where you cannot escape it, held against your will and then they have the nerve to call it help and charge you for it at the end. Because who wouldn't want to live after being threatened, ripped from their home/life, forcibly drugged, and put into medical debt? I'm cured. :)
That being said I've met plenty of people who don't regret going to them, even viewing them as saving them. Guess it comes down to the place and if the person actually wants to be "helped", I guess.
I dunno. TLDR; Gotta pick something one can't be caught with even when unconscious I suppose, or something that acts quickly if being found is inevitable.
 
  • Like
Reactions: Tarucest, Falseunderworld and throwawayyy
T

Tartuffe

Open to PMs
Mar 31, 2022
342
Took 200 cocodomols and it did fuck all but make me a bit I'll, tried hanging with a wire and it hurt more than anything and recently crash in my van without the seatbelt at 80 mph and had a bruised head and shoulder. Wanted to hit something hard but was forced off the road and rolled multiple times by the police. I learned I need to do something more decisive Haha. Probably gonna end up in prison so might need to book that bus ticket with a plan in mind that's not reckless
 
  • Like
Reactions: northgirl123
PlasticFace

PlasticFace

My story is in my about me, if you'd like to know.
Feb 16, 2023
100
I tried to shoot myself when I was 14 and was immediately hospitalized and put in a ward. I attempted again as soon as I got out because of the abuse I was shown for having to wear a prosthetic face. The ward was hell. It was like being in a zoo. I remember one time a class of nurses walked through and they looked at us through the glass of our doors like we were subjects. And we were just that, subjects.
 
  • Aww..
  • Like
Reactions: bolt, Zulu and northgirl123
heyrabu

heyrabu

No one can understand me
Feb 11, 2023
34
I've tried many methods to ctb (before I joined SS) but most of them are just me just trying what I think can cause death, like drinking shitload of soap, or pesticide, or trying to put plastic bag on my head (and ofc it failed because SI kicks in). One that leave an impression on me is some 10+ years back, there's a document in indonesian that advertise itself as "ultimate guide to suicide", in which the method they suggest is collecting a lot of potato's skin to produce toxin (glycoalkaloids) and then just swallow it after leaving it out for a few days in room temperature. At that moment I'm only a middle schooler that lives with her parents, so I can't as much potato as it instructed, and so it failed misireably. And then I drink half cup of detergent, vomits a little bit, and sleep, wishing that maybe this much can kill me.. and I woke up the next morning, feeling like shit, and go to school.
 
  • Like
Reactions: Tarucest
egirlsuicides

egirlsuicides

Member
Feb 14, 2023
19
tried overdosing 2x bc i didnt want to suffer and didnt know about sn. went to the hospital both times. first time i was only 12. i dont know why i failed, maybe just bc overdosing isnt really reliable even tho the second time i did it with antidepressants + benzos + anything else i could find.
 
  • Like
Reactions: northgirl123
Tarucest

Tarucest

再也不
Feb 15, 2023
15
How did you fail your previous attempts and how long before you were able to attempt again?

If you went to a ward what did you think? Ive always had bad experiences
My first attempt(13):Didn't take Enough meds/meds were OTC so its not like it wouldve worked
2nd(14): My parents found out i was starving myself so i was force fed in the hospital
3rd(15): Parents found me laid out and called the police
4 + 5: (16 & 17) I chickened out and called the police after taking the stuff i bought
6+7 (18+ 19): passed out from blood loss and parents found me after i made a loud noise from falling
I went to the ward on the 3rd- 6th time and i was assaulted and harassed by the patients there + the adults didn't care.
So i averaged 1 year before attempting again. It was always during august because of high school expectations.
Typing this out i realize how many i truly failed.... And how many of my neighbors ive probably traumatized-
 
  • Hugs
Reactions: leeloosnow
pneumonoultramicros

pneumonoultramicros

i hate this planet
Feb 16, 2023
8
my most recent attempt took place last summer. i have pretty severe ocd and depression and at the time this happened i was in a major spiral with both and couldnt even leave my room due to how bad my ocd was. i was at the end of my rope. one morning i hadnt slept at all and was just contemplating everything. i made a noose out of a long cable i had and strung it over my bathroom door. it was a hard and thin plastic ethernet cable so it was really uncomfortable. to try to help with that i decided to take 550mg of benadryl and 30mg of weed edibles to try to sedate myself and get high to not really feel/think about it as much. i was lying down on my couch waiting for the drugs to kick in when i started feeling faint and realized my body stopped auto breathing. as soon as i realized that my si kicked in and i starting panicking and very quickly decided against going through with it. i sat in my room keeping myself moving and waiting for the effects to wear off so i could go to sleep for a couple hours until i was fully satisfied and sure that i wasnt going to die in my sleep or something. i kept it secret from everyone i knew to prevent going to a psych ward and getting into medical debt that i certainly could not afford.
moral of the story, dont try to ctb on impulse.
 
  • Hugs
Reactions: leeloosnow
NHLTradeRumor

NHLTradeRumor

wow life sucks
Dec 13, 2022
106
My closest attempt was my most recent hanging attempt. I had a suitable rope and knots, and I was finally able to kick the chair, but it turned out that I didn't have enough clearance from the support to the ground, so I was just barely touching the ground. I texted 911, as I knew I wasn't dying that night. Spent a week in a mental hospital, my 27th one, but at least I tricked them into prescribing me meto, so I can attempt by SN next time.
 
  • Hugs
Reactions: leeloosnow
N

northgirl123

Member
Feb 14, 2023
32
I am unfortunately a bit of "miracle" case as they had the gall to call it when I woke up in the hospital.
In my larger attempts over past few years, I've taken triple the lethal dose of lamictal (lamotrigine) and double the lethal dose of wellbutrin (bupropion). Put myself in a coma, stopped my heart a few times, the whole shebang. I've also gone the slow route and refrained from water and food for a week or so before getting caught. I was not excepted to survive the overdoses.

Part of what messed me up with the medications was, as I'm sure most people are aware, taking hundreds of pills will cause you to throw up no matter the medication. Had I kept down all of the lamictal I might have been able to succeed. Or maybe not. It was certainly the attempt that caused the most brain damage though; they first thought I wouldn't wake up, then they thougt I may be unable to relearn to walk after.
With the wellbutrin, what I hadn't accounted for was how severe the seizures would be and how much noise it would make. I had restrained my limbs and secured myself to a heavy piece of furniture in hopes of mitigating the issue, but that was not nearly enough. I broke many things in my unconscious struggle, and the cops were called by those who overheard.
With my overdoses being as lethal as they were, they kept me on constant watch and observation after the hospital and wards. Social workers, "peer support" people, therapists, psychs. I was not allowed to have any large quantities of medication, I will never be able to own or purchase or use a gun (even at a shooting range), I can't show any signs of distress or they'll lock me up me again, ect. Merciful options are few and far between these days.

As for locked wards, I've been in 7 of them at least. It's one thing to be abused by people normally. It's another to be abused in a place where you cannot escape it, held against your will and then they have the nerve to call it help and charge you for it at the end. Because who wouldn't want to live after being threatened, ripped from their home/life, forcibly drugged, and put into medical debt? I'm cured. :)
That being said I've met plenty of people who don't regret going to them, even viewing them as saving them. Guess it comes down to the place and if the person actually wants to be "helped", I guess.
I dunno. TLDR; Gotta pick something one can't be caught with even when unconscious I suppose, or something that acts quickly if being found is inevitable.
Wow. Thank you for sharing this
my most recent attempt took place last summer. i have pretty severe ocd and depression and at the time this happened i was in a major spiral with both and couldnt even leave my room due to how bad my ocd was. i was at the end of my rope. one morning i hadnt slept at all and was just contemplating everything. i made a noose out of a long cable i had and strung it over my bathroom door. it was a hard and thin plastic ethernet cable so it was really uncomfortable. to try to help with that i decided to take 550mg of benadryl and 30mg of weed edibles to try to sedate myself and get high to not really feel/think about it as much. i was lying down on my couch waiting for the drugs to kick in when i started feeling faint and realized my body stopped auto breathing. as soon as i realized that my si kicked in and i starting panicking and very quickly decided against going through with it. i sat in my room keeping myself moving and waiting for the effects to wear off so i could go to sleep for a couple hours until i was fully satisfied and sure that i wasnt going to die in my sleep or something. i kept it secret from everyone i knew to prevent going to a psych ward and getting into medical debt that i certainly could not afford.
moral of the story, dont try to ctb on impulse.
I also tried to hang myself in the bathroom. It was horrific. I started to pass out and my SI kicked in and my body started to panic and was thrashing about. I managed to open the door to release myself and ended up gasping for breath on the floor. I was devastated as I really thought it was a foolproof method. I've ordered some SN so I'm hoping that will be better for me.
 
Last edited:
  • Hugs
Reactions: leeloosnow
sorrowful

sorrowful

My exhaustion knows no end
Feb 13, 2023
282
a lot of it is lack of research and impulsivity.

i tried to OD on my medications and painkillers i found in the house right after something upsetting happened, SI kicked in and i panicked called for help. went hosp and have no memory of anything but waking up and throwing up everywhere. was like this for the next few days and it was extremely horrible 100% did some damage
 
  • Hugs
Reactions: leeloosnow
Zulu

Zulu

Member
Aug 10, 2022
55
First failure was with a belt noose, which was poorly made at the time. Immediately became undone upon falling into it. Admittedly, I kind of knew it'd fail, but was just curious what it'd be like to try hanging. Testing the waters. The other failure was Russian roulette, of which I survived six games due to sheer chance. For whatever reason though, on the third game, had I actually pulled the trigger, I would have died. To this day I still wonder why I didn't pull on the third game. I pulled on the other five games and lived.

In a fucked up way, I've developed a fetish for Russian roulette, but haven't played it since. Some days it haunts me, and other days I get obsessed thinking about it. Looking back though, it'd be better to do a shotgun in the mouth for the highest success rate, yet it's so much harder to pull the trigger KNOWING I'd die. Easier to pull with a revolver when there's a chance I could live, thereby tricking my SI. Plus...I don't know. Shotgun in the mouth is so much more intimidating compared to a revolver. I don't know why that is to me.

I tried to shoot myself when I was 14 and was immediately hospitalized and put in a ward. I attempted again as soon as I got out because of the abuse I was shown for having to wear a prosthetic face. The ward was hell. It was like being in a zoo. I remember one time a class of nurses walked through and they looked at us through the glass of our doors like we were subjects. And we were just that, subjects.

You survived a gunshot wound to the head? I don't mean to pry, and I'm so sorry that you went through that, but out of curiosity, what did it...feel like? Was it just a red flash and blackness, or did you feel any pain on the trigger pull? Were you awake the whole time, or did you pass out in the immediate aftermath? What kind of firearm was it? I see cases every now and then where death is either instant, or it takes a few minutes after the the blast to die. In the off chance it's not instant, how bad is the pain? I see accounts from other gunshot wound survivors saying that recovery is the most painful part, but in the immediate aftermath of the gunshot, the pain isn't always immediately registered. And I'm just morbidly curious what the pain is like in the immediate aftermath assuming it takes a few minutes to actually die from it.
 
Last edited:
soonitwontbea

soonitwontbea

aka Orr
Jan 23, 2023
22
My only real attempt was when I tried to cut my wrists when I was 18. It was kind of an impulsive decision and I didn't really have the appropriate tools for it. It was a random metal blade thing I'd found by the side of the road. It was all rusty and not sharp enough. I started in the school library at my community college and moved to a nearby cemetery. Nothing was working. Don't think I even cut deep enough to draw blood. I tried to find somewhere to run away to but didn't know where to go. Pretty sure no one realized I'd tried to actually kill myself because it had just looked like self harming. I've still never officially tried again and I feel pathetic as shit about it :/
 
SunnysSunset

SunnysSunset

it is what it is
Feb 5, 2023
51
Failed because I was a dumb 13 year old and didn't research ODing methods properly. Lol. I lied my way out of the hospital so I avoided going to a ward.
 
PlasticFace

PlasticFace

My story is in my about me, if you'd like to know.
Feb 16, 2023
100
First failure was with a belt noose, which was poorly made at the time. Immediately became undone upon falling into it. Admittedly, I kind of knew it'd fail, but was just curious what it'd be like to try hanging. Testing the waters. The other failure was Russian roulette, of which I survived six games due to sheer chance. For whatever reason though, on the third game, had I actually pulled the trigger, I would have died. To this day I still wonder why I didn't pull on the third game. I pulled on the other five games and lived.

In a fucked up way, I've developed a fetish for Russian roulette, but haven't played it since. Some days it haunts me, and other days I get obsessed thinking about it. Looking back though, it'd be better to do a shotgun in the mouth for the highest success rate, yet it's so much harder to pull the trigger KNOWING I'd die. Easier to pull with a revolver when there's a chance I could live, thereby tricking my SI. Plus...I don't know. Shotgun in the mouth is so much more intimidating compared to a revolver. I don't know why that is to me.



You survived a gunshot wound to the head? I don't mean to pry, and I'm so sorry that you went through that, but out of curiosity, what did it...feel like? Was it just a red flash and blackness, or did you feel any pain on the trigger pull? Were you awake the whole time, or did you pass out in the immediate aftermath? What kind of firearm was it? I see cases every now and then where death is either instant, or it takes a few minutes after the the blast to die. In the off chance it's not instant, how bad is the pain? I see accounts from other gunshot wound survivors saying that recovery is the most painful part, but in the immediate aftermath of the gunshot, the pain isn't always immediately registered. And I'm just morbidly curious what the pain is like in the immediate aftermath assuming it takes a few minutes to actually die from it.
I was hyper-aware of everything around me from the moments leading up to it, to hearing my mom scream at the sound. Everything was in slow motion and I felt like I was floating. I held the gun away from my face instead of putting it in my mouth because I had no idea what I was doing. The gun kicked and instead of hitting me between the eyes, it went around my left eye/ear area. After pulling the trigger, everything went silent and for about a half second I didn't feel anything until my head hit the ground behind me and my mom ran into the room. I couldn't see or hear very well and I was definitely not completely there. After maybe 5 more seconds of searing, obnoxious pain, I passed out. I vaguely remember fading in and out of consciousness but I'm not sure if that was something I imagined or not. I'm not exactly sure what kind of gun it was. My mom and I never talked about it but it was small enough to be held in her purse. The hospital and ward I was probably more traumatic for me than the act itself. I was starved, laughed at, treated like a zoo animal, and I even remember when the nurses thought I was still passed out from the drugs (the swelling made it hard to open my eyes), they talked about how I'd never be able to get a job in the future. I'm now completely deaf and blind on my left side with an empty socket and a smashed-to-all-hell cheekbone/chin. I wish more than anything that my attempt had worked.
 
  • Aww..
Reactions: d3ad and anguila_anguila

Similar threads

Polyxo
Replies
8
Views
719
Suicide Discussion
usernamesarehard
usernamesarehard
bambibambam
Replies
12
Views
642
Suicide Discussion
-nobodyknows-
-nobodyknows-
confusion
Replies
6
Views
293
Recovery
SailorBlue
SailorBlue
Alexei_Kirillov
Replies
12
Views
682
Suicide Discussion
Alexei_Kirillov
Alexei_Kirillov