Discussion If you could say one thing about your mental health without being judged what would you say?

[Iris Blue]

If you could say something that's been on your mind but you never could tell someone or everyone because of it not being accepted or in fear of being hospitalized what would it be?

I am not ok, I haven't been for a long time and I don't know if I'm just that good at hiding it or what but I wish you knew. I wish you could see through me that I am not like I was before. I wish you could've known before it was too late. Not to save me but just to see me.

 

[Grumble]

I feel like I wouldn't have anything to say.

I don't even feel human anymore. Haven't for a long time. Just a total emptiness, like a hollow shell. It's a similar idea to being asked if I "have any last words?" I mean, what is there to say?

^Well, I guess I could say that much, at least. What's the alternative? Just give them a blank stare? Now that'd just be awkward.

 

[imnotsurewhy]

I dont want to get better.i just dont No i dont want friends or relationship or good job.i guenuinely prefer my depressed self over this fake plastic "happier" version of me that would be considered better to society

 

[Splurged]

I feel like I wouldn't have anything to say.

I don't even feel human anymore. Haven't for a long time. Just a total emptiness, like a hollow shell. It's a similar idea to being asked if I "have any last words?" I mean, what is there to say?

^Well, I guess I could say that much, at least. What's the alternative? Just give them a blank stare? Now that'd just be awkward.

This

 

[creirwy]

I wish I didn't fail my attempt.
I'm in so much pain everyday and it's so hard to pretend it's not there just to not have anyone worry about me.
I am so exhausted and I just feel like nobody understands or wants to understand.
When I say it's a challenge for me to even get out of bed and brush my teeth, just basic tasks, then I'm being unreasonable.

I just want to be able to live like a normal person.

 

[Hotsackage]

All I have are negative thoughts

 

[nir]

I feel like I am a horrible person. I say nice things and do think nice things, but I also have really morbid thoughts. And while I can't control the morbid thoughts (OCD, lol), I don't always hate them. I wish I always hated my morbid thoughts, but I don't. I hate that.

I also feel like my loneliness is just killing me. I want a partner, I don't even care the gender, because somewhere in my brain values romantic relationships above all else. There are so many things I need to focus on, but I have this unhealthy obsession with love/romance even with my antidepressants - I thought they were supposed to numb libido/romantic inclinations. I want so much for myself and I don't think my greed will ever go away. I don't know if I'll ever be satisfied.

 

[locked*n*loaded]

I'm just hopeless, see nothing good living in the now, and nothing good coming my way in the future. It's just all so pointless to keep living this empty, shit life of mine.

 

[hoppybunny]

I have violent tendencies when i'm upset but I can't say it cause i'll be locked up. Even though it's not towards strangers and only towards my parents.

 

[Rockman]

"Where were you bitch when I needed you?"

 

[Danby]

I keep so much of it inside because I don't really have anyone I can truly talk to or confide in. I think about suicide nearly every day . . .

 

[hoppybunny]

I feel like I am a horrible person. I say nice things and do think nice things, but I also have really morbid thoughts. And while I can't control the morbid thoughts (OCD, lol), I don't always hate them. I wish I always hated my morbid thoughts, but I don't. I hate that.

I also feel like my loneliness is just killing me. I want a partner, I don't even care the gender, because somewhere in my brain values romantic relationships above all else. There are so many things I need to focus on, but I have this unhealthy obsession with love/romance even with my antidepressants - I thought they were supposed to numb libido/romantic inclinations. I want so much for myself and I don't think my greed will ever go away. I don't know if I'll ever be satisfied.

i don't think you're a horrible person. I think as long as it stays in your head you're guchi. I've thought up some pretty morbid shit and I don't even have ocd, but i never act on it. so i think you should be ok.

also you're not greedy for wanting companionship. humans crave connection, we're wired that way. lastly, i think meds only crush libido, i've never heard of them curbing romantic feelings.

I wish I didn't fail my attempt.
I'm in so much pain everyday and it's so hard to pretend it's not there just to not have anyone worry about me.
I am so exhausted and I just feel like nobody understands or wants to understand.
When I say it's a challenge for me to even get out of bed and brush my teeth, just basic tasks, then I'm being unreasonable.

I just want to be able to live like a normal person.

I feel you. my first attempt was at 12 but i was a dumbass and i didn't know how to tie a noose out of bedsheets properly and had no internet to look it up. Plus i was too tall to hang myself in my closet.

when my depression was super bad i think i went a week without doing anything. I would only get up to pee so i don't lie down in a puddle of my piss. then i would binge whatever was in my fridge then go back to sleep. It was horrible. I had no energy to do anything. and it sucks even more when everyone just calls you lazy or useless.

i'm sorry you don't have support around you.

 

[nir]

i don't think you're a horrible person. I think as long as it stays in your head you're guchi. I've thought up some pretty morbid shit and I don't even have ocd, but i never act on it. so i think you should be ok.

also you're not greedy for wanting companionship. humans crave connection, we're wired that way. lastly, i think meds only crush libido, i've never heard of them curbing romantic feelings.

Yeah it only stays in my head. I feel guilty even when I raise my voice, let alone doing anything else. But it still feels wrong, like I'm tricking people. People think I'm nice, but I'm not. I feel like a liar. Sometimes I meet people who are so nice and seem so shocked by anything violent in the world - like they genuinely cannot fathom horrible thoughts. I'm so jealous. I want to be like that so much, just so kind and unaware of how bleak the human brain can be. I want to be pure like them.

 

[hoppybunny]

Yeah it only stays in my head. I feel guilty even when I raise my voice, let alone doing anything else. But it still feels wrong, like I'm tricking people. People think I'm nice, but I'm not. I feel like a liar. Sometimes I meet people who are so nice and seem so shocked by anything violent in the world - like they genuinely cannot fathom horrible thoughts. I'm so jealous. I want to be like that so much, just so kind and unaware of how bleak the human brain can be. I want to be pure like them.

if it makes you feel better. there's not proof those people aren't lying. It's pretty easy to pretend like you've never had a violent thought in your life. The same way you feel like a liar so could they. There's no knowing what goes on in another person's head. that's the joy of thoughts imo. I like knowing that no matter what i think i can never hurt another person as long as it doesn't leave my head.

 

[nir]

if it makes you feel better. there's not proof those people aren't lying. It's pretty easy to pretend like you've never had a violent thought in your life. The same way you feel like a liar so could they. There's no knowing what goes on in another person's head. that's the joy of thoughts imo. I like knowing that no matter what i think i can never hurt another person as long as it doesn't leave my head.

That's true. I guess I've just opened up to people in the past about my OCD thoughts - not even my worst ones - and the look of shock/disgust/surprise/etc on their faces just didn't seem fake. I would love to be someone who is surprised by how awful the brain can be.

I know most people have bad thoughts. But the thoughts I hear from people just seem so basic. Like... "When I'm by the train tracks, my brain pictures jumping onto them." "When I hold a baby or something expensive, I picture dropping it." etc etc. I'm not saying this in a judgemental way. I am so jealous that some people's darkest thoughts are so textbook call-of-the-void stuff. I just hate that my brain is so dark for no reason.

 

[hoppybunny]

That's true. I guess I've just opened up to people in the past about my OCD thoughts - not even my worst ones - and the look of shock/disgust/surprise/etc on their faces just didn't seem fake. I would love to be someone who is surprised by how awful the brain can be.

I know most people have bad thoughts. But the thoughts I hear from people just seem so basic. Like... "When I'm by the train tracks, my brain pictures jumping onto them." "When I hold a baby or something expensive, I picture dropping it." etc etc. I'm not saying this in a judgemental way. I am so jealous that some people's darkest thoughts are so textbook call-of-the-void stuff. I just hate that my brain is so dark for no reason.

it's ok don't worry. These people are not educated and shouldn't have reacted that way about something out of your control. Even typical call of the void is weird for some other people. There's no normal dark thoughts. I hope you won't be so harsh on yourself anymore. however i would reccomend keeping a diary or only speaking with a professional about these thoughts. just to prevent reactions that could make you feel worse.

But yeah people love judging it's their favourite hobby. SOrry to rant but my parents are the most judgy bitches on the planet and they've had moments were they said that their underwear needs to be perfect cause in their head it's completely justified for EMTs and healthcare professionals to judge someone by the state and of their underwear and determine it's alright for them to die if their underwear is too old.

my mum literally told me yesterday she judged someone for having a messy guest room and said they lived like animals. That someone was her "friend".

that's why gossiping is so popular. Humans. especially normies and the non mentally ill believe it is their right to condemn and judge those that do not fit in to their perfect perception of society and reality.

 

[nir]

it's ok don't worry. These people are not educated and shouldn't have reacted that way about something out of your control. Even typical call of the void is weird for some other people. There's no normal dark thoughts. I hope you won't be so harsh on yourself anymore. however i would reccomend keeping a diary or only speaking with a professional about these thoughts. just to prevent reactions that could make you feel worse.

But yeah people love judging it's their favourite hobby. SOrry to rant but my parents are the most judgy bitches on the planet and they've had moments were they said that their underwear needs to be perfect cause in their head it's completely justified for EMTs and healthcare professionals to judge someone by the state and of their underwear and determine it's alright for them to die if their underwear is too old.

my mum literally told me yesterday she judged someone for having a messy guest room and said they lived like animals. That someone was her "friend".

that's why gossiping is so popular. Humans. especially normies and the non mentally ill believe it is their right to condemn and judge those that do not fit in to their perfect perception of society and reality.

I have spoken with a therapist. I'm not a risk to anyone because my dark thoughts are 1. things I would never, ever do and 2. usually are directed to myself. I also have some coping strategies for my OCD which help, but still. I feel like a freak, lol.

I hate how much people like to judge others!!! I've been over to people's houses where they're so apologetic about the "mess" because other people have made them feel so bad about being human. Meanwhile I'm just like...grateful to be out of the house and hanging out with someone, idgaf if you have a mess. If anything, I'll help clean, I hate cleaning my own messes but I love helping other people clean their homes if they want me to. Idk how people can see someone who could be struggling/self-conscious and think "yep, this is a person I want to make feel worse". Even if your underwear is old af or if your guest room is dirty, you're still a human being first and foremost.

 

[drug]

Perhaps the reason I'm like this isn't because I'm "mentally ill" but live in a fundamentally flawed society that bases success on how much you can work and make for others. I do not want to live in a world where I'm basically forced to slave away for the rest of my life. That isn't living it's merely surviving. Saving money so you can spend a few days/weeks away from this hellhole only to go back to the same routine over and over again. I don't want to participate in that.

 

[ceriseange♡]

I don't even feel human anymore but I can't remember if I ever have. Sometimes it feels like dying would be more humane than living.