This forum is one way to cope with my suicidality. I am scared of a new major depression. I am scared to go to a clinic because the last time they told me I felt too good for being in a clinic. I am scared they could force me to quit this forum. I don't think this forum is the reason for my current crisis. I rather think college overwhelmes me. When I look at the lectures I have I could start crying immediately. (which I did today) Being severely unhappy and under pressure is often the starting point of a relapse for me.
Personally I am suicidal since a decade more or less daily. I had different ways to cope with it.
When I was a teenager I watched gore for example how people committed suicide. I am very glad I quit that. I was a teenager and overwhelmed by my thoughts and the domestic violence. I think it was like poison for my mental health. Very counterproductive for my well-being.
I was in other forums for mental health. And always when I opened up how severe and persistent my suicidality was I received pretty stupid and ignorant comments. People called me insane or looked down at me. In this forum I (almost) never received replies like that. There are so many evil trolls and scum on the internet. For example Twitter is full with them.
I watched depression and suicide related content on youtube. For some time it helped but I could not open up how I felt in a serious discussion.
I don't think I ever would call a suicide hotline. If I wanted such help I would go again to a clinic instead. My close friends are a way better emergency service for me personally.
I could go to a clinic. I ran out of therapy sessions I am pretty sure my insurance won't pay for even more sessions.
I talk more to my friends. But they are quite busy. And I kind of understand that. I should be busy to. Though my brain seemingly prefers to get out of control once again.
I think I also read books or news articles on the topic depression/suicide. Maybe it sounds weird but I can relate to a lot of people who committed suicide. I often have the feeling these people had similar feelings and problems compared to me. And they were also severely desperate and unhappy.
I could imagine there already was such a thread but I could not find it. Sorry.
Personally I am suicidal since a decade more or less daily. I had different ways to cope with it.
When I was a teenager I watched gore for example how people committed suicide. I am very glad I quit that. I was a teenager and overwhelmed by my thoughts and the domestic violence. I think it was like poison for my mental health. Very counterproductive for my well-being.
I was in other forums for mental health. And always when I opened up how severe and persistent my suicidality was I received pretty stupid and ignorant comments. People called me insane or looked down at me. In this forum I (almost) never received replies like that. There are so many evil trolls and scum on the internet. For example Twitter is full with them.
I watched depression and suicide related content on youtube. For some time it helped but I could not open up how I felt in a serious discussion.
I don't think I ever would call a suicide hotline. If I wanted such help I would go again to a clinic instead. My close friends are a way better emergency service for me personally.
I could go to a clinic. I ran out of therapy sessions I am pretty sure my insurance won't pay for even more sessions.
I talk more to my friends. But they are quite busy. And I kind of understand that. I should be busy to. Though my brain seemingly prefers to get out of control once again.
I think I also read books or news articles on the topic depression/suicide. Maybe it sounds weird but I can relate to a lot of people who committed suicide. I often have the feeling these people had similar feelings and problems compared to me. And they were also severely desperate and unhappy.
I could imagine there already was such a thread but I could not find it. Sorry.
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