magicdeathbutton
Member
- Mar 18, 2026
- 23
I've just placed an order for SN. I'm not 100% sure I'm going to cbt Im scared but my life has gotten extremely extremely bad in the last 6 months due to a lot of things I did and that happened to me and I know there is no other way out of it. It's reassuring to know Ill have the SN should I need it. Its suddenly hit me though how sad it is. A year ago, before everything happened. if you had told me where I'd be now… None of this was supposed to happen, it's so unfair and so unkind, also the idea of having to die alone, having nobody to hold you in your last moments. I wish my mum could hug me as I pass away. I wish I had another option. It's sad because I'm someone's little girl, my parents brought me into this world with so much love and so much hope. The way I used to smile and laugh as a child and dream of the future, when I thought I would make something of my life. But now I'm not a person anymore, I'm just living out the motions of being alive. I've given up doing everything I liked doing because what's the point? All I do is work, and when I come home I don't do anything. Every motivation I had to build a life worth living is gone. Its like I have no brain capacity anymore. I don't workout anymore, I used to love it. I barely have friends anymore but the ones I do still have, I hardly speak to them, I have nothing to say. All the dreams I had are gone. I ache to be loved knowing I never will be again. I miss my old self, the one who was loved, who did love, who had connection, who had life and vitality. I wish I could wake up and have this all be a horrible dream. Maybe the afterlife exists and I'll be whole there, maybe in the next life I won't fuck it all up, maybe I'll be okay. I hope such a place exists
