Venting if not now then never

[wastingtime]

i'm almost completely ready.
i need to do another round of dishes, then clean my room
i got new bedsheets and candles to make the night cozy, also made a playlist of my favorite songs.

ican't wait to go out in peace. i still feel bad for everybody who loved me but i just dont see joy at any point in my life. i dont want to slave around just to get by. this system is driving me fucking crazy. society is beating me down constantly for not being strong enough. it feels like ill never get the support i need, no matter how much i've been looking out for it.
i feel like a bridge troll giving people riddles that im suicidal and need help but people either ignore it or brush it off. i love them i love the people around me but i just cant take it anymore. i feel so fucking lonely with my thoughts. i cant stand living with myself anymore.

i'm planning on doing the 48 hour routine on saturday, starting thursday. i can't thank SaSu enough for being pretty much the only place where i can freely speak my mind and people genuinely understand my pain. I wish there was another way but sadly theres no good ending for me. i had lost the battle when i was 13. im just a walking corpse waiting to be buried.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

I'm sorry that life brought you to this point. Life is often so unfair. I hope you find peace and I wish you all thee best with your plan. Good luck!

 

[loneliness0]

Even when I been here for short while I am sad to hear you going.

You seem really kind and empathetic person but it also sounds like world around us is not made for you and it just too much to handle. Even strongest tree branch will break under enoght pressure.

I can hear you being at breaking point and whatever you deicide I hope you find peace you seeking for. We are here for you if you decide to stay bit longer or leave.

 

[wastingtime]

Even when I been here for short while I am sad to hear you going.

You seem really kind and empathetic person but it also sounds like world around us is not made for you and it just too much to handle. Even strongest tree branch will break under enoght pressure.

I can hear you being at breaking point and whatever you deicide I hope you find peace you seeking for. We are here for you if you decide to stay bit longer or leave.

thank you so much, even though we've just met you seem like a great person. every reply youve made to my vents youre always so understanding

 

[dizzdesi]

I'm happy to see that you've planned a good night with your candles and bedsheets and fav songs…what are some of them?? I love music so I'm planning to listen to my favorites before I ctb regardless of what you end up doing, I hope you're happy with your decision and you find peace. Although we haven't spoken, you seem like a very kind person. If this is goodbye, goodbye! Maybe I'll see you on the other side

 

[90starve]

this was really sad to read. it sounds like you've made your decision and are confident with it - wishing you the best with your plans, thanks for hanging out with us <3

 

[Old Friend]

Sorry to hear. I can relate to much of it, unfortunately. Good luck with it all.

 

[CloudyNightSky]

Of course I don't know much about you but I wish you a piecefull journey on the other side. Makes me happy that you make your last moments as comfortable as possible you deserve to have a painless passing <3

 

[FuneralCry]

I understand why you'd be looking forward to being gone, I wish you the best of luck with your plans and I hope that you find the freedom you are searching for.