ultraviolence
death date: 04/14/24
- Nov 5, 2023
- 29
I REALLY hate my mother. In my suicide note, I am going to call her out, say that unlike everyone else, she IS to blame for my death, and give a final fuck-you. However, when I CTB, my little sister will only be 14 years old. My sister didn't go through as much abuse as I did because I'm older and she doesn't understand why I hate her so much, she loves her. Which pains me. My mother is actually disgusting like she's gross I don't wanna get too into it but let me just say she is irredeemable. Please just take my word. I'm really worried the police will read the letter and investigate her and charge her to protect my sister since she will be a minor and then my sister will resent me for it. Everyone here knows the authorities and child services never help and make things worse. I don't wanna ruin her life further. I can only pray when she ages she'll understand.
My entire family will call me crazy, side with my mother, and also hate me for making her go to court or whatever. But idgaf about the grown ass adults, their opinions don't matter to me lol they've been cruel to me as a child so whatever! I actually remember being a little kid and accidentally snitching on her bc I kicked a kid in kindergarten-- naturally, he was mad n I said something like "what? my mom does it to me all the time" LMFAOOO then he told the school counselor who called CPS and services visited my house and my mom told our entire fucking BLOODLINE about my betrayal. When I was like in 4th grade I was using a wooden foot massager with my aunts and they giggled n hackled like the mean stepsisters in Cinderella and were like "careful, if she hurts herself she'll call the police on us hahaha" Fucking old hags omg how about you worry abt your boobs sagging to ur feet. I started sobbing and ran upstairs to my older cousin who consoled me while I said how much I regretted it. She was also a part of the Maxine Hate Club n said it was normal and every child's parent beats them n that it's cultural, which I was so sick of hearing. Made me feel so weak. But if she knew the full story she'd vomit bc it was not just beating. And my mother would continue to tell people she barely knew this at fucking family parties? Okay enough about how much I hate her. I was just a child, it makes me so sad looking back that I felt and treated like I was an evil monster who destroyed my family when in reality I was just 9 years old.
Okay baaack to the point, sorry, thinking about her gets me heated. I don't know... I should be more vague to protect my sister but I have so much anger and sadness for the little girl who was stripped of everything. She ruined me since birth. I feel like I deserve to be like, "hey, actions have consequences" and to get some sort of... justice? I feel like if it was serious or bad enough for me, her own daughter, to mention it in my suicide note then maybe that act itself could make them finally believe me? To trust me? I wish my sister loved me more than my mother, she doesn't understand how horrible she is. I don't WANT my mother to go to jail, I just want her to live with the guilt that she is to blame for my death. That is more than enough punishment. What do you guys think? Any legal procedure knowledge or just suggestions? Sorry this is so angsty omg.
My entire family will call me crazy, side with my mother, and also hate me for making her go to court or whatever. But idgaf about the grown ass adults, their opinions don't matter to me lol they've been cruel to me as a child so whatever! I actually remember being a little kid and accidentally snitching on her bc I kicked a kid in kindergarten-- naturally, he was mad n I said something like "what? my mom does it to me all the time" LMFAOOO then he told the school counselor who called CPS and services visited my house and my mom told our entire fucking BLOODLINE about my betrayal. When I was like in 4th grade I was using a wooden foot massager with my aunts and they giggled n hackled like the mean stepsisters in Cinderella and were like "careful, if she hurts herself she'll call the police on us hahaha" Fucking old hags omg how about you worry abt your boobs sagging to ur feet. I started sobbing and ran upstairs to my older cousin who consoled me while I said how much I regretted it. She was also a part of the Maxine Hate Club n said it was normal and every child's parent beats them n that it's cultural, which I was so sick of hearing. Made me feel so weak. But if she knew the full story she'd vomit bc it was not just beating. And my mother would continue to tell people she barely knew this at fucking family parties? Okay enough about how much I hate her. I was just a child, it makes me so sad looking back that I felt and treated like I was an evil monster who destroyed my family when in reality I was just 9 years old.
Okay baaack to the point, sorry, thinking about her gets me heated. I don't know... I should be more vague to protect my sister but I have so much anger and sadness for the little girl who was stripped of everything. She ruined me since birth. I feel like I deserve to be like, "hey, actions have consequences" and to get some sort of... justice? I feel like if it was serious or bad enough for me, her own daughter, to mention it in my suicide note then maybe that act itself could make them finally believe me? To trust me? I wish my sister loved me more than my mother, she doesn't understand how horrible she is. I don't WANT my mother to go to jail, I just want her to live with the guilt that she is to blame for my death. That is more than enough punishment. What do you guys think? Any legal procedure knowledge or just suggestions? Sorry this is so angsty omg.
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