it's risky, i only ever gotten food in when i was brought some from the outside from my mom during my stays. in some places tho people already got stuff in, and will trade you stuff for it or one of my friends in there just gave me what she found. usually others stole stuff if there is an art room or an art therapist comes in. one girl snuck it inside a wig, but that got confiscated. one was hidden inside a deodorant stick
nah ive shed here before but they dont care that much, i even explained it to one of the doctors and he understood that it helped me and just advised me to do it safely as possible
i had the same experience with my psych i had since i was 8, because i wouldnt and couldnt stop, he suggested doing it safely, supervised, and with proper care before and after. my parents didnt agree with that ofc lol, but i genuinely believe that harm reduction is the most important when you cant stop or aren't ready to. only reason i stopped was to avoid the wards again lol. but because of my experience i dont mind sharing some things like i did in the beginning, i see a lot of people here saying to not do it and it's bad, but i get it. it's not that simple
if people dont like me sharing what i am im sorry, but with free will with death the same should go to anything else really. scarification for art is normalized, self-mutilation is only seen as okay if it's art it seems, and not if it's a coping skill. that i dont understand personally if it's allowed in other ways, its okay to feel good and happy over a deep scar in a fun shape, but not okay to feel better and relieved just making any scars in general? thats how i see it anyways. i may be biased as someone who SH since 11 and only stopped almost 3 years ago, and the desire to has never left, i just dont for other ppl's sake. but i would be doing it if i could get away with it again.
i feel like harm reduction must first and foremost be the most important thing, even if you go ahead with it. the fact that you talked to your doctor about it like that and he recommended the same my psych did, it seems like you would be safer with it vs others who SH out of impulse, with more risk of severe injury. you cant rush into it frantically out of impulse, i made those mistakes before, i have nerve damage still in my thigh and prob scarred my family's minds. please remember if you choose to go ahead with it, it's done with some prep before and after. that's harder in a ward, but still mentally prepping is better than grabbing the nearest sharp object without cleaning it or anything and going wild on the first urge thought.
as others said too, it puts you and others more at risk if caught or someone else steals your blade and does something worse. i dont know if it's illegal, i think they honestly expect people to try and sneak things in, since (at least at all the places i went to) they will make you strip down to just underwear, document the current wounds and condition of your body, and make you pull down your underwear away from yourself (and bra if you wear one) to "shake out" any contraband that could be hidden in there. i remember one girl telling me how she got something in by wearing a pad, but if they check for metal on your body then that's more risky. might be able to say it's a piercing if they just wand you, but im not sure if they have you take out piercings that are private like that or if they try and fact check it. i havent tried that, so i have no personal experience, just stories from others.
imo best bet is someone already having something to use in there. the apple idea doesnt sound terrible if they let you bring food and dont go through your things fully. im used to wards checking EVERYTHING. i would have to fight to keep my stuffed animal because it was my comfort object, and they spent a long time squeezing and feeling it up basically to check and make sure nothing was inside. they usually always put me in a gown, and checked all my clothes, including extra ones packed, removing strings and making sure there wasnt anything else in there. is your ward less cautious or just lazy so they dont check everything by hand? if so, seems easier.
if you have been there before and know their routine of how they check you in, planning around that would be easier. i dont know all the details besides what you shared, so im running out of thoughts to give. if you want to share more about it i may have more thoughts, but i also understand how talking through the details can be hard, and im sorry if the details i added of my usual intake process is upsetting in any way, not sure how people feel about adding trigger warnings on a site that is full of triggers lol, i can edit to add spoilers to things tho if someone thinks its good to
i need you to know tho over EVERYTHING i said, that this is very risky.
i completely understand why you want to, and probably will or at least try, i dont plan to convince you otherwise because that isnt my place. but if you are doing things safe enough, not to ctb but a coping skill, that you don't let get too severe especially inside of a ward because you will be stuck there longer, and that things go well for you, then i support your journey. i would rather you know both the risks, and experiences from others doing the same thing, and what i experienced, so you have some sorta frame of reference, and can be somewhat smart doing (
not saying this as an insult, but from a completely no-emotion only logic standpoint) something kinda stupid. i hope that doesnt come off as harsh, as i really dont mean it to be, i have no ill feelings towards you in fact i empathize a lot because the reply i quoted from you reminded me a lot of myself.
its just from the 3rd person no attachment standpoint based on what is both seen as safe and logically safe (like the risk of another person stealing your blade, which i am not sure but may get you in trouble if something severe happens, but i could be wrong too)
i wrote a lot more than i expected lol sorry if this is quite a read, i wish the best for you though and i hope your stay isnt too traumatic or too bad in general
edit just to add to the apple thing: if you have a very thin piece of plastic to wrap it with, even plastic wrap just one maybe two layers, that will protect the blade a lot better than paper, especially if you dont get it out of the apple as soon as you want. lemon juice over where you insert the blade will keep the apple from browning and getting soft from the air, making it look more normal. i would personally try to figure out a different item, im too used to food being taken away or only given by staff in the beginning. if i was in that position again, i would try to hide it inside the seam of something, maybe my bra if they allow wired bras and don't x-ray so they wont see the shape of it. if they made me take it off but dont check through it a lot, then it's less likely for them to find it. feel like that works best with very thin ones, from the multi blade shaving razors or pencil sharpener blades. larger ones like double edged razors, the shit you see in single blade razors you replace the blades in, seems more tricky.
