Venting If I can't decide on a career path by December I'll have no choice but to ctb.

[Embalmer]

I'm exhausted at this point, I'm almost 19 and about to finish my second year of college but I still can't even begin to decide on a career. My mom keeps asking me about what I want to do in life but I never thought I'd get this far, I don't want to work constantly while suffering all alone for the rest of my life. I've been suicidal on and off since 2012 with multiple failed attempts due to a lack of proper resources. After finding this site I think SN would be ideal but at the same time I live with my mom so if any cops came knocking after buying it she'd 100% freak out and send me to a ward. Who knows maybe I'll just suck it up and choose something, or not I don't care anymore. I chose December since she's letting me take another semester to finish my associate's degree since I'm a couple of credits behind after dropping multiple classes due to being suicidal last year. However, I don't even think that's enough time for me to finish, let alone choose a whole career. If I can't decide then I won't waste any more of anyone's time and just ctb.

 

[FuneralCry]

It does sound so tiring what you are going through and it's very much understandable just wishing to leave this world as it really does sound horrible to me being a slave to the society just to suffer and decay from age. Life really is so incredibly futile and worthless to me, but anyway I wish you the best.

 

[Dead Ghost]

From what you explain, your desire to do the CTB has nothing to do with not knowing how to choose a professional path, but with your life path so far.
Just out of curiosity, why did you make this decision a turning point? I say this because I, too, have sometimes set similar goals as a way of motivation (mostly in the face or cross), but in the end they wear me down more than they help me do anything... and I continue to sometimes insist on this way to proceed I'd like to know why you do it, that's all (so I might understand myself better).

You don't have to answer me if you don't see it from the heart, because I'm aware of the pressure you must have on yourself and it's possible that like it happens to me, there isn't even a reason behind it, it's just one goal and enough.

Bye now

//

Pel que expliques, la teva voluntat de fer el CTB no te res a veure amb no saber escollir una trajectoria professional, sinó amb la teva trajectoria vital fins ara.
Només com a curiositat, perquè has posat com punt d'inflexió aquesta decisió? Ho dic perquè jo també de vegades m'he posat metes semblants a mode de motivació (a cara o creu sobretot) però que al final em desgasten més que no pas m'ajuden a fer res... i continuo insistint de vegades en aquesta manera de procedir. Voldría saber perquè ho fas tú, només això (així potser m'entendré millor a mi mateix).

No tens perquè contestar-me si no t'hi veus pas amb cor, doncs sóc conscient de la pressió que deus tenir a sobre teu i és possible que com em passa a mi, ni tan sols hi hagi una raó al darrera, simplement és una meta i prou.

Fins ara

 

[Hugh Class]

I'm exhausted at this point, I'm almost 19 and about to finish my second year of college but I still can't even begin to decide on a career. My mom keeps asking me about what I want to do in life but I never thought I'd get this far, I don't want to work constantly while suffering all alone for the rest of my life. I've been suicidal on and off since 2012 with multiple failed attempts due to a lack of proper resources. After finding this site I think SN would be ideal but at the same time I live with my mom so if any cops came knocking after buying it she'd 100% freak out and send me to a ward. Who knows maybe I'll just suck it up and choose something, or not I don't care anymore. I chose December since she's letting me take another semester to finish my associate's degree since I'm a couple of credits behind after dropping multiple classes due to being suicidal last year. However, I don't even think that's enough time for me to finish, let alone choose a whole career. If I can't decide then I won't waste any more of anyone's time and just ctb.

I wish you the best.... but by December... the western world will be engulfed in a deep recession and stagflation.

You are very young, you live in a home and still have your parents ....you have time to ride out bad economic times. Dont be in a hurry.

 

[StolenLife]

18 and 19 is still so young, no one should blame you if you haven't decided on a career yet. You have all the time in the world. It sounds like you are putting a lot of pressure on yourself. I'm sorry that you have been suicidal for so long. Anyway, I wish you the best possible outcome no matter what you decide.

 

[LaVieEnRose]

Does your college have any guidance counseling and career counseling services? It must have. I understand that when you are naturally given to depression and anxiety you will tend to feel more pressure there's no need to base your decision to die on whether you have you whole life figured out already. You have time to think.

 

[Ambivalent1]

Go on welfare

 

[Embalmer]

From what you explain, your desire to do the CTB has nothing to do with not knowing how to choose a professional path, but with your life path so far.
Just out of curiosity, why did you make this decision a turning point? I say this because I, too, have sometimes set similar goals as a way of motivation (mostly in the face or cross), but in the end they wear me down more than they help me do anything... and I continue to sometimes insist on this way to proceed I'd like to know why you do it, that's all (so I might understand myself better).

You don't have to answer me if you don't see it from the heart, because I'm aware of the pressure you must have on yourself and it's possible that like it happens to me, there isn't even a reason behind it, it's just one goal and enough.

Bye now

//

Pel que expliques, la teva voluntat de fer el CTB no te res a veure amb no saber escollir una trajectoria professional, sinó amb la teva trajectoria vital fins ara.
Només com a curiositat, perquè has posat com punt d'inflexió aquesta decisió? Ho dic perquè jo també de vegades m'he posat metes semblants a mode de motivació (a cara o creu sobretot) però que al final em desgasten més que no pas m'ajuden a fer res... i continuo insistint de vegades en aquesta manera de procedir. Voldría saber perquè ho fas tú, només això (així potser m'entendré millor a mi mateix).

No tens perquè contestar-me si no t'hi veus pas amb cor, doncs sóc conscient de la pressió que deus tenir a sobre teu i és possible que com em passa a mi, ni tan sols hi hagi una raó al darrera, simplement és una meta i prou.

Fins ara

I made this decision a turning point simply because I feel like I'd rather ctb than end up going down a meaningless career and an even more painful life. All the careers my mom has suggested I know deep down I'm not mentally strong enough for/smart enough. I'd probably end up dropping out of university and being in debt for the rest of my life. I have little hope I'll get anywhere in life, but maybe if I made a proper decision I could escape that fate. If not, I'd rather not be here at all.