Venting Idk what to do with my life until I CTB

[sadghost]

Soo I planned my CTB , which is not for a few months... but what do I do in the meantime?

I sleep as much as I can but there's still hours left In the day and I'm not really sure what to do with them. Everything is just so boring and meaningless. I don't want to do anything anymore. I don't want to read or get out of bed or go for a walk or talk to anybody. I want to do everything and nothing at the same time. I feel like I should feel more but I feel nothing. I'm just done... I'm a shell of myself.

I cant believe that used to somewhat function - study, go to work, talk to friends, exercise.

 

[watereyes]

Idk, you can play an online game like War Thunder.

 

[SerialFailer]

I've been doing nothing but sitting in front of the pc all day, and not quite doing much here either.
Sometimes I read shitty webnovels, sometimes I game. Mostly I just ponder afterlife or lack of. And dying ofc.
First SN package got confiscated by family, opened a PO box and got two different sellers to ship there.
Birthday's coming up soon and sounds like a great date, so hopefully everything goes well.

In the mean time I just try to work out as it's the last "thing" I barely do, pretty much quit it too. Read SN also feels like being exhausted and completely out of breath from exercising, so it doubles as preparation for it I guess.

 

[Kumachan]

get some drugs!:)

 

[sadghost]

I've been doing nothing but sitting in front of the pc all day, and not quite doing much here either.
Sometimes I read shitty webnovels, sometimes I game. Mostly I just ponder afterlife or lack of. And dying ofc.
First SN package got confiscated by family, opened a PO box and got two different sellers to ship there.
Birthday's coming up soon and sounds like a great date, so hopefully everything goes well.

In the mean time I just try to work out as it's the last "thing" I barely do, pretty much quit it too. Read SN also feels like being exhausted and completely out of breath from exercising, so it doubles as preparation for it I guess.

I'm in the same boat lol, I'll play games/watch things but I obsessively think about CTB!

 

[pete_x]

Take up an instrument ?

 

[ghostgirl1995]

You sound exactly like me if you need someone to talk to I'm here!

 

[faust]

Well, I can relate. I did not plan it will go downhill on my way through. Yes, I was expecting a sharp fall and it is yet to come, but I am falling now and there is literally nothing that can make me keep going. I manage to get worse when it is not the time yet. And it keeps reminding me I made a right decision.

 

[Meowkin]

Soo I planned my CTB , which is not for a few months... but what do I do in the meantime?

I sleep as much as I can but there's still hours left In the day and I'm not really sure what to do with them. Everything is just so boring and meaningless. I don't want to do anything anymore. I don't want to read or get out of bed or go for a walk or talk to anybody. I want to do everything and nothing at the same time. I feel like I should feel more but I feel nothing. I'm just done... I'm a shell of myself.

I cant believe that used to somewhat function - study, go to work, talk to friends, exercise.

It sounds like you're in a very depressed mood with low energy. It can be hard to work up any enthusiasm to do anything. Do you think perhaps you could work slowly? For example, do something you used to enjoy even if only for 1 minute? It might help until the time comes. I'm sorry for your pain. I hope you find relief.

 

[Blue Portal]

Soo I planned my CTB , which is not for a few months... but what do I do in the meantime?

I sleep as much as I can but there's still hours left In the day and I'm not really sure what to do with them. Everything is just so boring and meaningless. I don't want to do anything anymore. I don't want to read or get out of bed or go for a walk or talk to anybody. I want to do everything and nothing at the same time. I feel like I should feel more but I feel nothing. I'm just done... I'm a shell of myself.

I cant believe that used to somewhat function - study, go to work, talk to friends, exercise.

Depends if say. How much more time do you have left?

 

[sadghost]

You sound exactly like me if you need someone to talk to I'm here!

Thank you so much My messages are always open if you need someone too!

It sounds like you're in a very depressed mood with low energy. It can be hard to work up any enthusiasm to do anything. Do you think perhaps you could work slowly? For example, do something you used to enjoy even if only for 1 minute? It might help until the time comes. I'm sorry for your pain. I hope you find relief.

That is definitely how I feel! Thank you for understanding, I will definitely try my best to work up to something - I know I can't keep living like this

Depends if say. How much more time do you have left?

I'm planning to CTB around September, so hopefully just this Summer and then I'm gone

Well, I can relate. I did not plan it will go downhill on my way through. Yes, I was expecting a sharp fall and it is yet to come, but I am falling now and there is literally nothing that can make me keep going. I manage to get worse when it is not the time yet. And it keeps reminding me I made a right decision.

I'm so sorry to hear that you're suffering so much! Unfortunately I have found myself in the same spot. I hope you can find peace

 

[laserfocus111]

Pay the bills to support my kid for a bit before i leave for good.

 

[gnomeboy17]

Sorry but I don't understand why people plan it to be months ahead, when I attempted I did it the very day my stuff arrived. If you have everything you need then why not just do it now. It's probably a sign that you don't actually want to die.

 

[laserfocus111]

Sorry but I don't understand why people plan it to be months ahead, when I attempted I did it the very day my stuff arrived. If you have everything you need then why not just do it now. It's probably a sign that you don't actually want to die.

Such is life. We want to to ctb but not really.

 

[HorribleFeelings1]

May I suggest live your life to the fullest if you can :), if there's anything you can do, if there's anything you love to do, like maybe go on a hike or drink your favorite alcohol, then do it! Try to live your life happy before it ends, but I understand if you aren't happy anymore, but it is just a suggestion!

 

[mathieu]

I feel the same. My ctb won't be for another few months and the waiting is agony. I just wake up and wait till I can sleep again.

 

[Walilamdzi]

I'm the same, I'm desperate to go.

 

[GoBack]

Honestly if I could do anything much without pain and panic attacks I wouldn't be on here at all

 

[gnomeboy17]

Such is life. We want to to ctb but not really.

Yeah I didn't mean it in a bad way. I joined this forum and planned everything straight away, was supposed to be 20th of February. But I kind of changed my mind last minute.

 

[televised_suicide]

Sorry but I don't understand why people plan it to be months ahead, when I attempted I did it the very day my stuff arrived. If you have everything you need then why not just do it now. It's probably a sign that you don't actually want to die.

Everybody is different, theres no reason to gate-keep suicide or attempt to judge other's mindsets.

I have everything I need to CTB, but I am waiting for my little brother to finish university so as to not jeopardise his studies.

 

[Lucifer'sRight]

Dont do drugs, do netflix.

 

[Exitforme]

I have no energy to do anything at all. I am bitterly disappointed by the fact that everything I've worked for up until now will amount to absolutely nothing. I have no prosperous future and I'm not even 30. What a utter cruel joke. How can one find enjoyment with life under these conditions?

 

[KiraLittleOwl]

I can't live my life, I am just rotting away. Bored to death.

 

[gnomeboy17]

Everybody is different, theres no reason to gate-keep suicide or attempt to judge other's mindsets.

I have everything I need to CTB, but I am waiting for my little brother to finish university so as to not jeopardise his studies.

I'm sorry I didn't mean it in a bad way, I just genuinely didn't understand. But sounds like you're very thoughtful.

 

[mediocre]

If I can't sleep I make sure to have the TV on in the background and I do something I enjoy like drawing. I also eat a lot of crap and watch movies.