Idk what I’m feeling

[Mari202]

Um this is the first time I'm actually saying something like this plus I'm new here but basically I have no desire to keep living anymore but I don't want ctb yet atleast I think I just feel empty and so alone that it feels like I'm drowning and I want help but everytime I try I get left on seen or I just get left on read it I get told I don't want to talk about it and I just sit at home so alone because my anxiety doesn't let me call people and no one checks up on me and I just feel so alone and that there's no reason for me to be here and but at the same time I feel horrible feeling this way because someone I possibly know might feel this way I feel and I'm known as the person that my friends vent to but I feel like I can't vent to them and have someone help me and I'm struggling to get out of bed every morning but I try to go to work with a smile but when I come home I just break down and it's getting harder and harder everyday and I just don't know what to do

sorry for the long post it's just this is the first time I'm writing this down so I kind of broke down while writing and basically just said what I've been feeling

 

[Umbrellaterm]

Being a listener to other people usually mean their problems become your problem.

You need clear boundaries.

 

[Mari202]

Being a listener to other people usually mean their problems become your problem.

You need clear boundaries.

I have no problem listening to others it just that I feel like I can't vent to anyone else when I try it feels like I'm getting stuck in my throughly and I have this feeling like I'm burdening people

 

[Umbrellaterm]

I have no problem listening to others it just that I feel like I can't vent to anyone else when I try it feels like I'm getting stuck in my throughly and I have this feeling like I'm burdening people

What do you need to vent about anyway?

Feeling like a burden to others when you're discussing your own problems is natural.
If it's real friends they don't care.

If you're doing it too much, sure the feeling is in the right place, but ever thought you might overthink it?

 

[Mari202]

Yes.

Idk i just feel that way. And when I try to talk to someone it just feel stuck in my throat and just literally can't talk because I start to cry and I just say forget it

 

[GoneGoneGone]

I'm sorry you feel this way. Can you talk to your parent(s) or other family members instead? That might make it easier

 

[gus.nixon]

I was in the hospital for a fentanyl overdose and told the staff that I was feeling a tinge of suicide ideation. They wanted to throw me in the round room immediately, but I promised them that I meant "you know, 30 years down the road, if things don't get better." Ha! Anyway, they put me on anti-anxiety medication (klonopin) and some meds to treat bipolar disorder (Lamictal) that seems to be working ok I guess. Still have suicidal thoughts but don't have those wild mood swings like I used to. So I guess when I do CTB, it will be with a clear and rational head haha.

 

[Mari202]

I'm sorry you feel this way. Can you talk to your parent(s) or other family members instead? That might make it easier

I have no family like that I've been mostly alone while growing up

I was in the hospital for a fentanyl overdose and told the staff that I was feeling a tinge of suicide ideation. They wanted to throw me in the round room immediately, but I promised them that I meant "you know, 30 years down the road, if things don't get better." Ha! Anyway, they put me on anti-anxiety medication (klonopin) and some meds to treat bipolar disorder (Lamictal) that seems to be working ok I guess. Still have suicidal thoughts but don't have those wild mood swings like I used to. So I guess when I do CTB, it will be with a clear and rational head haha.

I've been hospitalized when I was younger but I've never like the way I felt while I took them

 

[GoneGoneGone]

I have no family like that I've been mostly alone while growing up

I'm very sorry to hear that. How old are you?
It can be emotionally draining to always be the person people vent to, while never being "allowed" to vent yourself. Are there any other people you could talk to? Coworkers? Alternatively I would continue to vent to my friends till I realized who is a real friend and who is not...

 

[Mari202]

I'm very sorry to hear that. How old are you?
It can be emotionally draining to always be the person people vent to, while never being "allowed" to vent yourself. Are there any other people you could talk to? Coworkers? Alternatively I would continue to vent to my friends till I realized who is a real friend and who is not...

I'm 21 I have friends I talk to but again I just don't want to share when I get started everything get stuck in my throat and I start to cry and I just shut down and don't talk anymore

 

[Panna]

Idk i just feel that way. And when I try to talk to someone it just feel stuck in my throat and just literally can't talk because I start to cry and I just say forget it

Does it feel like it's stupid? Why bother trying when no one will be able to help, and instead just keep it to yourself? I wonder if it might just be low self-esteem. Plenty of times I try to find solutions for myself but whenever I get close to trying, that side comes out, alongside biting and punching and bleeding. I've found that just pushing through that negative emotion, even if it's to record yourself so that you have something to work with can really help.

 

[GoneGoneGone]

I'm 21 I have friends I talk to but again I just don't want to share when I get started everything get stuck in my throat and I start to cry and I just shut down and don't talk anymore

I'm sorry dear. Is there a specific topic you cannot share with them? You sound overwhelmed emotionally. Virtual hug from me!

 

[Mari202]

Does it feel like it's stupid? Why bother trying when no one will be able to help, and instead just keep it to yourself? I wonder if it might just be low self-esteem. Plenty of times I try to find solutions for myself but whenever I get close to trying, that side comes out, alongside biting and punching and bleeding. I've found that just pushing through that negative emotion, even if it's to record yourself so that you have something to work with can really help.

It does feel like it's stupid and I feel like I'm not allowed to feel this considering other people who have it worse than me I mean I have a good job and luckily a guaranteed paycheck considering what's going on but I feel so sad and lonely and i feel so drained and I just feel like there's no way of me feeling normal since I've been feeling this for so long

 

[Panna]

It does feel like it's stupid and I feel like I'm not allowed to feel this considering other people who have it worse than me I mean I have a good job and luckily a guaranteed paycheck considering what's going on but I feel so sad and lonely and i feel so drained and I just feel like there's no way of me feeling normal since I've been feeling this for so long

Exactly, it feels like people have it so much worse, and so why should we bother complaining? I have people that care about me, I will probably never have to find a place to live as long as I'm alive and yet I feel sad and lonely, despite wishing otherwise. I really wonder if there's a name for this because I'm dying to find a solution to fix it.

 

[Mari202]

I'm sorry dear. Is there a specific topic you cannot share with them? You sound overwhelmed emotionally. Virtual hug from me!

There's no specific subject I don't want to share I really want to just let it all out but at the same time I feel like I'm not supposed to feel this way considering what most of my friends are going through these days

 

[GoneGoneGone]

There's no specific subject I don't want to share I really want to just let it all out but at the same time I feel like I'm not supposed to feel this way considering what most of my friends are going through these days

Honey if they rant, you're allowed to rant too. They cannot throw their problems on you and leave you overwhelmed

 

[Mari202]

Exactly, it feels like people have it so much worse, and so why should we bother complaining? I have people that care about me, I will probably never have to find a place to live as long as I'm alive and yet I feel sad and lonely, despite wishing otherwise. I really wonder if there's a name for this because I'm dying to find a solution to fix it.

This is exactly how I feel. I don't have much of a family cause my mom was really verbally and mentally abusive so cut her off and I don't feel to close to my other members of my family but I have friends who care about me but they have their own issues and I feel like me complaining is inconsiderate and it makes it harder for me to say anything because I physically can't like my throat starts to get tight and I physically can't say anything

Honey if they rant, you're allowed to rant too. They cannot throw their problems on you and leave you overwhelmed

I understand that but I just can't help but feel like if I can help someone not feel like I do because this feeling sucks then it's better

 

[Panna]

This is exactly how I feel. I don't have much of a family cause my mom was really verbally and mentally abusive so cut her off and I don't feel to close to my other members of my family but I have friends who care about me but they have their own issues and I feel like me complaining is inconsiderate and it makes it harder for me to say anything because I physically can't like my throat starts to get tight and I physically can't say anything

Check there too, my moms verbally and mentally abusive, I wonder if its a condition of trauma, honestly I'm sorry you've gone through that, it's god awful, it truly is.

 

[Mari202]

Check there too, my moms verbally and mentally abusive, I wonder if its a condition of trauma, honestly I'm sorry you've gone through that, it's god awful, it truly is.

Yea it sucks so much so I basically spent my entire teens in my room so I never got out to make friends so I basically was alone and now that I have friends I still feel the same as I did in my teen years