Venting Idk my bday i guess

[selectivefishermen]

I'm turning 21 later. (English isn't my first language so please bare with me) Haven't celebrated my birthday with friends before. My friends want to throw me a party idk I don't know how to act at a party being celebrated abt me like thinking abt it makes me anxious also when I'm like really happy with my friends or anyone I suddenly get depressed too like when that happens I go somewhere away from them to cut. Like I'm supposed to feel happy I do but it comes with a sudden wave of heavy sadness. So I just told my friends that me and my family are going somewhere for several days to celebrate but the truth is its just going to be a small celebration with few family members at home. I know I'm supposed to be happy but like everything is just so gloomy and sad. Been feeling this way since I was a kid. I'm turning 21 its supposed to be a happy day for me but like there's always something thats making me feel depressed may it be my past or whatever. Idk I might ctb after my birthday I just want everything to end. I just want to say this to someone but can't. Is this too long for a post . I also have adhd i want to tell my friends but they always talk trash abt people they know with it. I just want friends that I can really be comfortable around with.

 

[shabby]

Coming from someone who is similar to your age, I understand entirely how you may be feeling. I think the most important thing in life is finding what gives you the purpose to go through your day to day. I know you're just venting, and may not want advice or persuasion to ctb, but you seem to have so many people that care about you. I haven't spent a birthday with family since I was in middle school and I've never had friends that were excited enough to offer to throw me a party- do not take this for granted.

Something that helped me when so much of my time would be consumed by my negative thoughts was talking to friends and being distracted by that, or reaching out to old friends. Additionally, a hobby that requires you to use at least 3/5 of your 5 senses really helps. I personally play saxophone, so whenever I'm practicing I am using sight (reading the music), sound (hearing the music coming out of my instrument, touch (feeling my saxophone keys under my fingers and the instrument and air in my mouth). Those are 3 senses that are completely in use when I play the saxophone. Putting your focus into things greater than yourself is the most important thing.

I mostly respond with all of this because you are not only so young, but you are also a pretty new member to the forum. This leads me to believe that the community here may be encouraging you to be so casual about taking your own life. Look into getting professional help.

 

[selectivefishermen]

Coming from someone who is similar to your age, I understand entirely how you may be feeling. I think the most important thing in life is finding what gives you the purpose to go through your day to day. I know you're just venting, and may not want advice or persuasion to ctb, but you seem to have so many people that care about you. I haven't spent a birthday with family since I was in middle school and I've never had friends that were excited enough to offer to throw me a party- do not take this for granted.

Something that helped me when so much of my time would be consumed by my negative thoughts was talking to friends and being distracted by that, or reaching out to old friends. Additionally, a hobby that requires you to use at least 3/5 of your 5 senses really helps. I personally play saxophone, so whenever I'm practicing I am using sight (reading the music), sound (hearing the music coming out of my instrument, touch (feeling my saxophone keys under my fingers and the instrument and air in my mouth). Those are 3 senses that are completely in use when I play the saxophone. Putting your focus into things greater than yourself is the most important thing.

I mostly respond with all of this because you are not only so young, but you are also a pretty new member to the forum. This leads me to believe that the community here may be encouraging you to be so casual about taking your own life. Look into getting professional help.

Thankyou this means a lot