Identity

[brokeandbroken]

You know I realized I just have no identity. Everything I consider a part of my identity today are things that were my identity before my life got flipped upside down. (Medical) student, bodybuilder, runner, lover of rural America, American, hell even my last name.

But I also don't have anything else to put my identity in. I've applied to jobs hoping my in a backwards sense it would give me something. But I can't get hired anywhere despite hundreds of job apps.

Today my dreams of being a doctor were stolen literally and I'm certainly no medical student, I'm too broke/injured to lift/run, I live in a major city I have zero desire to be in, I may be an American but it isn't what I thought it was I have no good feelings towards it, and well my last name reminds me of family who betrayed me. What to place my identity in now? Homelessness? Victim? Unemployed? Suicidal? A country/state where people who don't give a fuck about people? Hell I'm not sure Americans are even good people anymore. I think they may be fucking terrible people actually. You can justify some of their behavior by being like well they are good to their own. But they fucking arent. Im their own and they are fucking awful to me. I mean what happens when someone is unemployable apparently because that's me Mr. Unemployable. I'm too white or not racist enough to join a gang. Being homeless isnt an identity or a good one. Victim nobody gives a shit literally. I think incels may be viewed better by society then an actual Victim. Hell pedophiles are viewed better. I think the worst place you can be in society is an actual Victim of something. Almost universally the response is something happened to me that frankly almost universally isn't nearly as bad. What else is there? Drug addict not on any but I feel like I've done everything I should in my life and it didn't work out. Maybe I should start engaging in self destructive behaviors and see if that changes things. Maybe someone will actually give a fuck about me then. I'm so fucking sick of being treated like shit by fucking everybody. I'm so fucking sick of just having nothing good or even okay in my life. Like what did I do in life to deserve nothing good. Career, family, friends, hell a God who gives a shit about me.

 

[PetrichorBirth]

You could put your identity into the fact that your identity was taken from you. You have realized that identity is an illusion, not a fixed thing, it can disappear, and everything can always change. You can now live a more realistic life, knowing that nothing and no one is in a fixed state of being. You can change everyone and everything.

Or you just don't try to find anything for the purpose of putting your identity into it. Just a blank slate of a human

 

[Belkon]

Why don't you move to another country? You could make a plan to live in a good country in Europe, where you would certainly notice how the toxic environment you experience everywhere in America is eradicated, and many things could change in your mind. Not that you will encounter a perfect place, because humans will never provide such a society, but you may find a peaceful lifestyle and friendships with people who had exemplary family education and know how to show respect to others.

 

[brokeandbroken]

You could put your identity into the fact that your identity was taken from you. You have realized that identity is an illusion, not a fixed thing, it can disappear, and everything can always change. You can now live a more realistic life, knowing that nothing and no one is in a fixed state of being. You can change everyone and everything.

Or you just don't try to find anything for the purpose of putting your identity into it. Just a blank slate of a human

I think identities make you human. I'm not sure you are even human without them just an animal. Maybe you become feral I don't know. I'm not even sure you can have the identity that yours was taken. I feel like it cannibalizes yourself.

Why don't you move to another country? You could make a plan to live in a good country in Europe, where you would certainly notice how the toxic environment you experience everywhere in America is eradicated, and many things could change in your mind. Not that you will encounter a perfect place, because humans will never provide such a society, but you may find a peaceful lifestyle and friendships with people who had exemplary family education and know how to show respect to others.

Because countries just don't randomly take other countries rejects/bottom dwellers. So not possible... And i did for four years in Poland where I was a victim in medical school which kicked this all off. I hate what happened it destroyed my life. But i respect the hell out of them for it. They prioritized their own people over nobody to them. I just expected the US to do the same. Turns out the US just prioritizes the elites.


That said if I ever get a chance I'll stop being American. Honestly I don't need socialized medicine but I do need the society to give a shit about people. I've seen the exact opposite. Hell the tradeoff is a strong military and they got their asses kicked so hard they fled afghanistan like cowards leaving billions in equipment to be ussd against Americans.... Hell the US pays millions every week to legit terrorists like Bin Ladens son because they are so weak. Don't forget the checks to families of people trying to kill US soldiers that died that the US pays millions to as well. Hard to say that the military is strong when you have to pay terrorists to be "safe" When is the last time a strong military/world power had to pay to be safe. it's getting bloated and getting punked everywhere. All it cares about is playing race games when I tried bringing credible evidence to the US embassy of crimes against Americans they refuse to look at it/meet me.