Venting i would rather die than have a job

[cgrtt.brns]

not sure where to put this so putting it in off topic just incase.

i know i will never be able to hold a job long enough to be financially stable. i know that even if i did get a job, it would drain me so much that i wouldnt be able to do anything else. but i need to move out of my parents house for my mental health. im stuck. i dont know what to do. i feel like my only hope of escaping alive would be to have a relationship with someone who wouldn't mind providing for me, but finding that person is fucking impossible because im terrified of people, no one would ever want to provide that much for me and i dont expect anyone to, and i would still feel like a burden, but at least id be away from my parents. in an ideal world i could provide for myself, i want to be able to provide for myself and be independent, but i am physically and mentally incapable of doing so. what the fuck do i do? i feel like my only realistic escape is to ctb, but i don't really want to because i have things i want to do before i die and people i dont want to leave behind. and yet if i had a job i wouldnt have any space in my life for those things. if only i didnt have such a pathetic hope that life isn't as bad as i think, i could just end it and wouldnt have to deal with knowing how useless i am. or if only there were more resources and assistance for people like me, i wouldnt have to contemplate whether i should kill myself or not. i feel stupid for feeling this way because so many people have it so much worse than me, and some who have similar problems as me ARE able to provide for themselves. am i missing something? is there a handbook on life that i didnt get? i am so lost.

thanks for reading, just needed to get this out of my head. i hope you're all having as good a day as u can <3

 

[Dead Ghost]

I think almost the same, I could have written it myself,... I need to work but I suffer because I don't feel well and I don't know if I could assume the responsibility of taking on the tasks that I am given. But at home it's worse... and I think that after so many years with the same problem as you, if I haven't been able to solve it... whatever, all this I don't get it.

But I'm already 45 years old, so it doesn't matter much at this point, soon there will be no one left to lean on and it will all be over.

//

Penso gairebé igual, ho podría haver escrit jo mateix,... necessito treballar però pateixo perquè no em trobo bé i no se si podría fer front a la responsabilitat d'assumir les tasques que m'encarreguessin. Però a casa és pitjor... i penso que després de tants anys amb el mateix problema que tú, si no he estat capaç de resoldre'l... tant fa, tot plegat no me'n surto.

Però ja tinc 45 anys, així que tampoc importa ja gaire a aquestes alçades, aviat no quedarà ningú en qui recolzar-me i s'acabarà tot plegat.

 

[cgrtt.brns]

I think almost the same, I could have written it myself,... I need to work but I suffer because I don't feel well and I don't know if I could assume the responsibility of taking on the tasks that I am given. But at home it's worse... and I think that after so many years with the same problem as you, if I haven't been able to solve it... whatever, all this I don't get it.

But I'm already 45 years old, so it doesn't matter much at this point, soon there will be no one left to lean on and it will all be over.

//

Penso gairebé igual, ho podría haver escrit jo mateix,... necessito treballar però pateixo perquè no em trobo bé i no se si podría fer front a la responsabilitat d'assumir les tasques que m'encarreguessin. Però a casa és pitjor... i penso que després de tants anys amb el mateix problema que tú, si no he estat capaç de resoldre'l... tant fa, tot plegat no me'n surto.

Però ja tinc 45 anys, així que tampoc importa ja gaire a aquestes alçades, aviat no quedarà ningú en qui recolzar-me i s'acabarà tot plegat.

im sorry you've had to struggle for so long. knowing this will be reality for the rest of my life really makes me wonder if i should just cut it short to lessen the suffering. if only the world had more compassion and community instead of it being everyone for themselves. humans are social animals and we thrive in communities, yet so many people have began to see those who struggle as less than and not deserving of help. its so sad. hope that made sense sorry im not good with words.

 

[WorthlessTrash]

Honestly, same.

 

[Dead Ghost]

im sorry you've had to struggle for so long. knowing this will be reality for the rest of my life really makes me wonder if i should just cut it short to lessen the suffering. if only the world had more compassion and community instead of it being everyone for themselves. humans are social animals and we thrive in communities, yet so many people have began to see those who struggle as less than and not deserving of help. its so sad. hope that made sense sorry im not good with words.

The solution I found years ago was to try to find a part-time job where there were no repetitive tasks and to register in a social housing registry. But I only succeeded in registering in the social housing registry and did not find a job. Eventually my health deteriorated enough that I didn't dare to do certain tasks that years before I would have done perfectly well.

I say this in case this works for you, I think at the time I had a good idea that didn't work out. That is, a simple and comfortable job to not be at home and enjoy a small income to be able to use in free time (to be the minimum at home again) or pay the rent of a social apartment.

The problem I have now is that the whole family structure that supported me is in the process of extinction and I have no capacity to work and therefore to generate my own income (I have a pension, but it is insufficient), which will lead me to an uncertain and hard future, very hard.

My advice is to look for a few hours job in which you feel comfortable, for the moment and only if you think it suits you.

//

La sol·lució que vaig trobar fa anys era intentar trobar una feina a mitja jornada on no hi haguessin tasques repetitives i incriure'm a un registre de pisos de protecció oficial. Pero només vaig aconseguir inscriure'm al registre de pisos socials i no vaig trobar feina. Amb el temps la meva salut va empitjorar prou com per no atrevir-me a fer determinades tasques que anys abans hagués fet perfectament.

Ho dic per si a tu et funciona això, penso que en el seu moment vaig tenir una bona idea que no va sortir pas bé. És a dir, una feina senzilla i comfortable per no estar a casa i gaudir d'uns ingressos petits per poder usar en el temps lliure (per estar el mínim a casa altre vegada) o pagar el lloguer d'un pis social.

El problema que tinc ara es que tot el teixit familiar que em sustentava està en vies d'extinció i no tinc capacitat de treball i per tant de generar ingresos propis (tinc una pensió, però és insufcient), el qual m'aboca vulgui o no a un futur incert i dur, molt dur.

El meu consell es que facis cerca d'una feina de poques hores en la que t'hi trobis a gust, de moment i només si creus que et convé.

 

[cgrtt.brns]

The solution I found years ago was to try to find a part-time job where there were no repetitive tasks and to register in a social housing registry. But I only succeeded in registering in the social housing registry and did not find a job. Eventually my health deteriorated enough that I didn't dare to do certain tasks that years before I would have done perfectly well.

I say this in case this works for you, I think at the time I had a good idea that didn't work out. That is, a simple and comfortable job to not be at home and enjoy a small income to be able to use in free time (to be the minimum at home again) or pay the rent of a social apartment.

The problem I have now is that the whole family structure that supported me is in the process of extinction and I have no capacity to work and therefore to generate my own income (I have a pension, but it is insufficient), which will lead me to an uncertain and hard future, very hard.

My advice is to look for a few hours job in which you feel comfortable, for the moment and only if you think it suits you.

//

La sol·lució que vaig trobar fa anys era intentar trobar una feina a mitja jornada on no hi haguessin tasques repetitives i incriure'm a un registre de pisos de protecció oficial. Pero només vaig aconseguir inscriure'm al registre de pisos socials i no vaig trobar feina. Amb el temps la meva salut va empitjorar prou com per no atrevir-me a fer determinades tasques que anys abans hagués fet perfectament.

Ho dic per si a tu et funciona això, penso que en el seu moment vaig tenir una bona idea que no va sortir pas bé. És a dir, una feina senzilla i comfortable per no estar a casa i gaudir d'uns ingressos petits per poder usar en el temps lliure (per estar el mínim a casa altre vegada) o pagar el lloguer d'un pis social.

El problema que tinc ara es que tot el teixit familiar que em sustentava està en vies d'extinció i no tinc capacitat de treball i per tant de generar ingresos propis (tinc una pensió, però és insufcient), el qual m'aboca vulgui o no a un futur incert i dur, molt dur.

El meu consell es que facis cerca d'una feina de poques hores en la que t'hi trobis a gust, de moment i només si creus que et convé.

that does sound like a good idea. ill definitely give it a go. ive not been able to find many jobs like that near enough to me, but if i could potentially find social housing i could move closer to where there are jobs. thats if i can survive the process of getting to that point. thank you, i really appreciate your words. i wish you the best for you future, that sounds scary how uncertain it is for you. <3

 

[endless_pain]

After all the pain we have endured, getting a job and working for it without an end seems like another kind of torture, especially if it is low paying and not liked at all.
Terrifies me too indeed

 

[epic]

but i am physically and mentally incapable of doing so.

Why do you say so ? ( I am genuinely curious)

 

[Linda]

not sure where to put this so putting it in off topic just incase.

i know i will never be able to hold a job long enough to be financially stable. i know that even if i did get a job, it would drain me so much that i wouldnt be able to do anything else. but i need to move out of my parents house for my mental health. im stuck. i dont know what to do. i feel like my only hope of escaping alive would be to have a relationship with someone who wouldn't mind providing for me, but finding that person is fucking impossible because im terrified of people, no one would ever want to provide that much for me and i dont expect anyone to, and i would still feel like a burden, but at least id be away from my parents. in an ideal world i could provide for myself, i want to be able to provide for myself and be independent, but i am physically and mentally incapable of doing so. what the fuck do i do? i feel like my only realistic escape is to ctb, but i don't really want to because i have things i want to do before i die and people i dont want to leave behind. and yet if i had a job i wouldnt have any space in my life for those things. if only i didnt have such a pathetic hope that life isn't as bad as i think, i could just end it and wouldnt have to deal with knowing how useless i am. or if only there were more resources and assistance for people like me, i wouldnt have to contemplate whether i should kill myself or not. i feel stupid for feeling this way because so many people have it so much worse than me, and some who have similar problems as me ARE able to provide for themselves. am i missing something? is there a handbook on life that i didnt get? i am so lost.

thanks for reading, just needed to get this out of my head. i hope you're all having as good a day as u can <3

There are so many different kinds of "job" that I think you are being more pessimistic than you need to be. Have you tried taking on some kind of part time work that is not too demanding? Even if it's no more than unpaid, volunteer work, that would get you out of the house and give you an opportunity to acquire some skills. If you find you can cope with that, you could consider moving on to somethng a bit more challenging. Going from where you are now to "providing for yourself" may not be possible in a single step. And even if you are never able to fully provide for yourself, you may be able to partly provide. But don't just sit at home being miserable. Get out there and make something happen. The world will not come to you; you have to go out and meet it. The worst result would be that you fail, but then you are no worse off than you are now, so you have nothing to lose by trying. It is true that ctb is an option, and you may eventually conclude that it is your best option, but I don't think you are anywhere near that stage yet.

 

[yasumi]

There are so many different kinds of "job" that I think you are being more pessimistic than you need to be. Have you tried taking on some kind of part time work that is not too demanding? Even if it's no more than unpaid, volunteer work, that would get you out of the house and give you an opportunity to acquire some skills. If you find you can cope with that, you could consider moving on to somethng a bit more challenging. Going from where you are now to "providing for yourself" may not be possible in a single step. And even if you are never able to fully provide for yourself, you may be able to partly provide. But don't just sit at home being miserable. Get out there and make something happen. The world will not come to you; you have to go out and meet it. The worst result would be that you fail, but then you are no worse off than you are now, so you have nothing to lose by trying. It is true that ctb is an option, and you may eventually conclude that it is your best option, but I don't think you are anywhere near that stage yet.

I think this is a good approach.

I'm also stuck in a similar situation. I've tried employment and failed miserably and messed up and made things worse at my job, making it seem to me that not only will I fail but I will hurt others in the process by not being competent enough to do what I'm trusted to do.

I was also miserable while I was working full time. I was exhausted all the time and I had money but I was too tired to use it on something good that might improve my life or help me find meaning. I just wasted it on takeout everyday because I was too tired to cook and I spent way too much on videogames that I never ended up playing.

It just sucks to try and fail and think there wasn't really a point to that suffering and now I don't know what to do. My only option is to try again and keep trying. But it's so difficult and painful. I feel it will just harm me and I feel like it's insane to keep trying. But giving up means losing what I have and most likely dying

 

[cgrtt.brns]

Why do you say so ? ( I am genuinely curious)

without going into specifics, various different physical and mental health issues that would make working without accomodations incredibly draining if not impossible, most of all just intense anxiety around people, going outside, not doing a good enough job, not feeling able to ask for accommodations etc. hope that makes sense

There are so many different kinds of "job" that I think you are being more pessimistic than you need to be. Have you tried taking on some kind of part time work that is not too demanding? Even if it's no more than unpaid, volunteer work, that would get you out of the house and give you an opportunity to acquire some skills. If you find you can cope with that, you could consider moving on to somethng a bit more challenging. Going from where you are now to "providing for yourself" may not be possible in a single step. And even if you are never able to fully provide for yourself, you may be able to partly provide. But don't just sit at home being miserable. Get out there and make something happen. The world will not come to you; you have to go out and meet it. The worst result would be that you fail, but then you are no worse off than you are now, so you have nothing to lose by trying. It is true that ctb is an option, and you may eventually conclude that it is your best option, but I don't think you are anywhere near that stage yet.

you are right, im probably being too pessimistic. i have tried for four years to find just something, anything that i could do. the trouble is i lack experience, and places wont hire if you dont have experience, and you cant get experience if no one hires you... its an annoying cycle. and true, i dont expect to be able to just up and move out and get my life on track tomorrow. i have been looking into smaller steps, it just seems im not good enough even for the smaller steps if that makes sense. ive looked into volunteering that wouldn't involve too demanding work, but no where near me seems to have vacancies. im probably just looking in the wrong places, or like my dad says im being too picky. for some reason it takes me so much mental energy just to reach out to places, and the constant rejection affects me, no matter how many times my parents tell me to not let it get me down. i dont know. i just needed to yell into the void for a bit haha. i appreciate you taking the time to read and reply to me, thank you.

I think this is a good approach.

I'm also stuck in a similar situation. I've tried employment and failed miserably and messed up and made things worse at my job, making it seem to me that not only will I fail but I will hurt others in the process by not being competent enough to do what I'm trusted to do.

I was also miserable while I was working full time. I was exhausted all the time and I had money but I was too tired to use it on something good that might improve my life or help me find meaning. I just wasted it on takeout everyday because I was too tired to cook and I spent way too much on videogames that I never ended up playing.

It just sucks to try and fail and think there wasn't really a point to that suffering and now I don't know what to do. My only option is to try again and keep trying. But it's so difficult and painful. I feel it will just harm me and I feel like it's insane to keep trying. But giving up means losing what I have and most likely dying

exactly. i fear just living to work and not having anything to show for it. my dad has done this his whole life and it's ruined his mental health, i dont want to perpetuate this suffering. all we can really do is just suck it up and deal with it, but what do we do when we've already done this for years and it becomes unbearable. and why. what are we doing this for. i dont know if ill ever know the answer to that. i guess until then we just keep trying. i hope it gets easier for you <3

 

[ArchmagePrincess]

Jesus, I relate to all of this so much. When I was working I was too tired and busy to do anything that gave life meaning, and when I'm not working I'm constantly worried about becoming homeless and being able to eat. If I had a solution to this problem I wouldn't even consider CTBing but here I am.

So many people I know waste their lives away on their jobs and can't stand them, but are distracted enough to just keep living in mundane agony.

It also takes me a mountain of energy just to reach out to places and deal with the rejection and my heart just isn't in it. I need to have the passion to try over and over again and finally reach the goal but I find I'm a lot better and more motivated at researching how to CTB than how to find a job.

So much effort just for the likely possibility I barely scrape by in the USA's already messy economy and get mistreated at work. I don't have it in me to do this process or keep a job once I have it. I also don't have it in me to live while homeless. I hope you find something that helps you, this is the main thing that keeps me suffering so much.

 

[FuneralCry]

I think that everyone's wish to die is perfectly valid despite the fact that somebody else will always suffer more, but anyway it does sound tiring being trapped in that situation, life really is so unnecessarily cruel. I wish you the best.

 

[Unending]

I feel the same way.

 

[unplug]

A current thought of mine.

 

[iamalreadydead]

Same.

I've come to the conclusion that whatever the specific type of brain rot I have is, it doesn't mesh well with the flow of a regular 9-5 life. Leaves people frustrated with me. Leaves me nearly catatonic most days.

So, I'm also living with my parents right now. I was homeless for a little earlier this year. Slept outside and worked 40 hour shifts at a horrible fucking job. Couldn't do it. Anyway I'm forcing myself to put up with the fucking bullshit from my parents. I'm getting my license so I can convert a van into a space for myself. Got a job where I only work like 2 days a week, I'm forcing myself to work another job for around 3 months till I have enough money saved up for said van. Just gonna live in it and work those 2 days a week. Gives me the ability to do things that actually give me euphoria. It's all I can handle.

I think it's fine if you take my approach and accommodate yourself. Maybe you have different wants. You could make yourself get some kinda certification or schooling that lands you a stable part time remote job and just move somewhere extremely cheap like Thailand or some shit. No one else is gonna take care of your needs the way they need taking care of. Evaluate your needs and capabilities and work around it.

 

[CTB Dream]

This know exct, no want famly ppl abuse need escp no able ,need money no able job etc, need ctb no mthod, nobod undrstnd injury damage this all awful crul lif

 

[cgrtt.brns]

Same.

I've come to the conclusion that whatever the specific type of brain rot I have is, it doesn't mesh well with the flow of a regular 9-5 life. Leaves people frustrated with me. Leaves me nearly catatonic most days.

So, I'm also living with my parents right now. I was homeless for a little earlier this year. Slept outside and worked 40 hour shifts at a horrible fucking job. Couldn't do it. Anyway I'm forcing myself to put up with the fucking bullshit from my parents. I'm getting my license so I can convert a van into a space for myself. Got a job where I only work like 2 days a week, I'm forcing myself to work another job for around 3 months till I have enough money saved up for said van. Just gonna live in it and work those 2 days a week. Gives me the ability to do things that actually give me euphoria. It's all I can handle.

I think it's fine if you take my approach and accommodate yourself. Maybe you have different wants. You could make yourself get some kinda certification or schooling that lands you a stable part time remote job and just move somewhere extremely cheap like Thailand or some shit. No one else is gonna take care of your needs the way they need taking care of. Evaluate your needs and capabilities and work around it.

having a van i can live in by myself has always been a dream of mine. im also trying to get my license atm, which is just as draining. feels like another impossible hurdle ill have to drag myself over, but it's something to work towards. i failed my first test years ago and the emotional damage from that stopped me from trying again until recently. didn't help when everyone kept telling me 'most people fail their first test! just keep trying!' lol. the education i have requires a drivers license to even start in the industry i wanted to be in which is somewhat of a motivation, but its still fuckin hard. i also feel people are frustrated with me all the time, because all the set backs or hurdles that everyone else seems to be able to deal with easily are just really hard for me for some reason, and i can never live up to others expectations because of it. damn this brain rot lmao. im sorry you had to experience homelessness, i cant begin to imagine how hard that must have been. i hope we'll get out of these shitty situations one day. ill be rooting for you <3

This know exct, no want famly ppl abuse need escp no able ,need money no able job etc, need ctb no mthod, nobod undrstnd injury damage this all awful crul lif

im so sorry no one understands your struggle, that must be so hard to cope with alone. i really hope you find your escape somehow. until then at least we have this as a safe place, free of judgement and with potential understanding of at least the suffering we all share <3

 

[MrBrownUpsideD]

Why should I even bother making posts when everyone is already describing the exact thoughts and experiences I'm already going through lol.

 

[fuaruhan]

This is such a weak ass reason to kys to be frank. Just admit that you're a lazy bum and call it a day

 

[cgrtt.brns]

Why should I even bother making posts when everyone is already describing the exact thoughts and experiences I'm already going through lol.

sorry i just made this post to vent ^^" if making a post to write about shit ur dealing eith helps u in some way then do it, it doesn't matter if someones aalready made a similar post before. thats what venting is for. id understand if it was a question or smthn that someones already asked and had answered, but venting if very different for everyone and is more cathartic than anything for me at least. just having somewhere to dump all the shit in my head helps a tiny bit.

 

[Fardarune]

Just admit that you're a lazy bum and call it a day

"Call it a day"? What do mean by that?
What do you propose he do exactly? Just get out and find some random work? Even though he said working is a tiring and draining activity for him?

 

[MrBrownUpsideD]

This is such a weak ass reason to kys to be frank. Just admit that you're a lazy bum and call it a day

What OP describes is usually a symptom to an underlying issue. I highly doubt this is the only reason they want to CTB. Stop taking things at face value and commenting unconstructive trash like this.

 

[OceanBlue]

That's why everyone should get universal basic income, so basic needs are always met and no one is stuck with people they'd rather escape from. If we can't even ensure that for everyone, then it's another reason not to breed.

This is such a weak ass reason to kys to be frank. Just admit that you're a lazy bum and call it a day

Major prick alert. People can't and don't want to work for various reasons and they shouldn't have to, especially not for food and shelter.

 

[Tortured_empath]

Sometimes I feel the same. How could I ever be able fuction?

 

[Superdeterminist]

I'm similar, I would rather die than work a menial type of job with low pay. But I like the idea of certain kinds of jobs, which are high paying and have some kind of prestige. Unfortunately I will never obtain such a job, so it's irrelevant anyway. I passionately hate the process of applying and interviewing, to the point that I refuse to attempt. I harbor no guilt over refusing mediocre jobs, but I am sad that I'm not a career high-flyer.

 

[WorthlessTrash]

This is such a weak ass reason to kys to be frank. Just admit that you're a lazy bum and call it a day

The lack of motivation and drive to work is an underlying factor caused by severe depression. People like you who very likely have no experience in this topic should keep their garbage, judgmental opinions to themselves.