I would rather ctb at 30 than grow up to be the monster I am slowly becoming

[FireFox]

When I was younger I wanted to make the world a better place and most of all become a good human being.

When I was a 12/13 I watched the movie I watched the movie 2012 and was absolutely terrified of the world ending that movie freaked me out as a kid however I recently watched the movie Don't Look Up and I am no longer terrified about the world ending any more. If a killer comet came like in Don't look up I would be happy and relieved. The human race is not worth saving anymore. This species has lived for far too long and has brought get suffering to their fellow human being.

I f*cking hate world because of the unfairness and suffering. I used to be a happy loving confident caring person who wanted to do so much with their lives but now I am dead inside incapable of experiencing happiness or any joy. I am now angry at the men in my life who have caused me pain and rejected me throughout my life. All I wanted was to be loved and appreciated by a guy.

Years of male rejection has finally made me bitter.

If a time traveller told my younger self I would grow up in the future to all lose faith humanity and embrace the destruction of humanity my younger self would be heartbroken and see my adult as a monster. My younger self would try to prevent my adult self from having these beliefs.
I realise I have to kill myself when I turn 30 so I will no longer become the monster I am turning in to. Its too late for me.

 

[miserable_existance]

When I was younger I wanted to make the world a better place and most of all become a good human being.

When I was a 12/13 I watched the movie I watched the movie 2012 and was absolutely terrified of the world ending that movie freaked me out as a kid however I recently watched the movie Don't Look Up and I am no longer terrified about the world ending any more. If a killer comet came like in Don't look up I would be happy and relieved. The human race is not worth saving anymore. This species has lived for far too long and has brought get suffering to their fellow human being.

I f*cking hate world because of the unfairness and suffering. I used to be a happy loving confident caring person who wanted to do so much with their lives but now I am dead inside incapable of experiencing happiness or any joy. I am now angry at the men in my life who have caused me pain and rejected me throughout my life. All I wanted was to be loved and appreciated by a guy.

Years of male rejection has finally made me bitter.

If a time traveller told my younger self I would grow up in the future to all lose faith humanity and embrace the destruction of humanity my younger self would be heartbroken and see my adult as a monster. My younger self would try to prevent my adult self from having these beliefs.
I realise I have to kill myself when I turn 30 so I will no longer become the monster I am turning in to. Its too late for me.

i am 30 , i would ctb before i become progress on to the later stages of 30;s , this world is designed for the young , people in the age group 18- 25 . atleast the society i live in ,

 

[inabsentia]

I feel you, I feel like I'm just imitating the decent person I used to be (I don't think I've ever been good as such). And the world is a terribly unfair place, with so much power in the hands of the wrong people. It's fucked up and despite living in a country that could be considered one of the better places to live, the state of the world and humanity just fills me with so much despair.

 

[SpaceCadet]

I struggle with human nature, which in most of the cases pends towards only caring about itself and crushing whatever is on the path for it's own well being. I struggle mostly with myself, seeing traits of these bad things in my caracter, i don't think i have what it takes to thrive in this world

 

[sealbabies]

It's weird, younger me had a similar mindset to me now... As far back as I can think I thought about dying young (not of old age or "natural causes") - my dad really obsessed over the idea, so I guess baby me picked it up in a messed up way.

 

[Cosmic dust]

When I was younger I wanted to make the world a better place and most of all become a good human being.

When I was a 12/13 I watched the movie I watched the movie 2012 and was absolutely terrified of the world ending that movie freaked me out as a kid however I recently watched the movie Don't Look Up and I am no longer terrified about the world ending any more. If a killer comet came like in Don't look up I would be happy and relieved. The human race is not worth saving anymore. This species has lived for far too long and has brought get suffering to their fellow human being.

I f*cking hate world because of the unfairness and suffering. I used to be a happy loving confident caring person who wanted to do so much with their lives but now I am dead inside incapable of experiencing happiness or any joy. I am now angry at the men in my life who have caused me pain and rejected me throughout my life. All I wanted was to be loved and appreciated by a guy.

Years of male rejection has finally made me bitter.

If a time traveller told my younger self I would grow up in the future to all lose faith humanity and embrace the destruction of humanity my younger self would be heartbroken and see my adult as a monster. My younger self would try to prevent my adult self from having these beliefs.
I realise I have to kill myself when I turn 30 so I will no longer become the monster I am turning in to. Its too late for me.

You suffer with male rejection, I suffer with female rejection... maybe we should marry

I believe there are still good things and good people out there, despite of all the unfairness and cruelty, I just can't reach it.

I wouldn't mind the world ending too, the idea does bring a feeling of relief. If I could press a button and explode the planet, I would do it.

 

[FuneralCry]

Life is completely unnecessary, we were all perfectly fine not existing until we were forced to live. To me, life is just meaningless suffering and it bothers me how unfair everything is. I see it as best to never exist in the first place. I never want to reach an old age, the idea of getting older is horrifying. All that I want is to be gone.

 

[Al_stargate]

Sorry, life can take unexpected turns in life. If you told me I would have this mindset now, I would find that most unbelievable. You put good intentions out there and you get shit. Very hard to process and deal with.

 

[nopride86]

30 was/is my magic number too. I'm turning 29 soon and it completely freaks me out that I'm still here. From what I've witnessed, nothing great happens from here on out other than watching yourself decay mentally and physically.

At this age, I feel like so many of us have children to still feel a sense of importance/relevance/community because the truth is, for man or woman or anything in between, existence isn't necessary after a certain age. The world revolves around the labor and consumerism of the young. 30 "feels" young, but nobody views you as the bright-eyed ambitious kid to give chances to, to support, to be enamored with. Throw in some chronic illness and isolation and 30 may as well be 60. I've seen and done enough, I've peaked, I refuse to have kids. Why should I wait around for the inevitable?

 

[ornitier199]

I f*cking hate world because of the unfairness and suffering.

And the emphasis of money and needing it to live survive and do literally anything.

 

[FireFox]

i am 30 , i would ctb before i become progress on to the later stages of 30;s , this world is designed for the young , people in the age group 18- 25 . atleast the society i live in ,

@miserable_existance virtual hug

What country do you live in ?

I hate it when older people say they want to be my age again. I honestly think they are mad because 20s are just confusing and awful. I have messed up my 20s and don't want to live through another decade or more.

We live in a culture that magnifies youth success especially within a person's teens and early 20s. If you are young and successful society puts you on a pedestal whereas if you are young and unsuccessful society holds you to pure contempt. It doesn't help either having relatives who love to show off and having image obsessed family members.

Life is completely unnecessary, we were all perfectly fine not existing until we were forced to live. To me, life is just meaningless suffering and it bothers me how unfair everything is. I see it as best to never exist in the first place. I never want to reach an old age, the idea of getting older is horrifying. All that I want is to be gone.

@FuneralCry it so NOT fair why is it the people with so much to live for and actually wanted to live end up dying young and earlier ? It happens all the time.

Rescently in the UK there was this famous singer called Tom Parker from the boy band called The Wanted and he died. I used to listen to this band as a teenager. My favourite song from the Wanted was glad you came.

Tom Parker died at 33 years old from terminal brain cancer. He had a wife, 2 young children, he was talented singer, handsome and loved by so many. He had absolutely everything to live for.

It's not fair that I am alive and healthy when there millions of people more deserving of life than me. I hate the fact I am physically healthy it absolutely disgusts me. During the lockdown I wished I died from covid19 instead of the good people of the world.

I wake up everyday I don't deserve to be here in this world.

 

[Getmeouttaherenow]

32 here checking in, miserable af

 

[Superdeterminist]

I think 'monster' is a strong word, I can relate though, I feel myself becoming more bitter as time progresses. I don't know if it's too late or not, but I DO know that I've been waiting far too long for happiness. My patience is depleted at this point.

I'm sorry you have been rejected repeatedly. I certainly won't say "suck it up and try again" because I know how useless and pathetic that kind of response is. Rejection is not necessarily a small deal. It's one more door being shut in your life.