lunargreenx
21 year old gay boy
- Jun 16, 2020
- 139
I try really hard to live. Got into college. Starting this september. But I don't know how much longer I can keep this shit going… I am all on my own soon, planing to leave my abusive parents (physically) and never come back - I am moving to another country. After that, I will be truly and utterly alone.
I used to get these "episodes". I would go out and see people enjoying their life and it would hit me that there is nobody but me in my life. Nobody that cares about me, neither anyone that I care about. And I would sit in my bathub crying for 6 hours in perpetual agony, for whole months. Last time - summer 2020 - it lasted for 2 months, it was so intense that by the end of it, I was not even present. I was losing myself in time, losing my mind and thought I was going crazy. I almost killed myself then.
And THIS is what is killing me. I don't want to have another episode like this. Because I know I will certainly not survive another one. And I don't want to kill myself If I will not be at my senses again…I am really afraid.
I used to get these "episodes". I would go out and see people enjoying their life and it would hit me that there is nobody but me in my life. Nobody that cares about me, neither anyone that I care about. And I would sit in my bathub crying for 6 hours in perpetual agony, for whole months. Last time - summer 2020 - it lasted for 2 months, it was so intense that by the end of it, I was not even present. I was losing myself in time, losing my mind and thought I was going crazy. I almost killed myself then.
And THIS is what is killing me. I don't want to have another episode like this. Because I know I will certainly not survive another one. And I don't want to kill myself If I will not be at my senses again…I am really afraid.