Venting I wish this wasnt so hard

[HannahB]

I've lost everything. My future my Hope's my dreams my family my career. So why can I ctb. Every day when I wake my first thought is my child and how I would give anything to see her face again. So why cant I do it... why cant I just die. Every time I try cant, I wimp out and just cry and cry and cry.. it doesnt make sense I dont even want to be here anymore. I dont want to feel this gaping hole where my heart once was. I dont want to think of all the time I have missed already with her and yet I still cant ctb. This is the only thing I've ever encountered that I have the ability to do the means the reasons and for some fucking cruel reason my body wont follow my directions. What can I do? Start doing drugs until I waste away? I need advice or something... anything

 

[Daffodil]

I recently found another forum that I think will be a good distraction. I think it's really about having a good support network to encourage you and talk you out of it. We have a good support group here, but it's less about encouragement and living life. If you want to PM me I can talk to you about it.

 

[Justalostsoul]

I recently found another forum that I think will be a good distraction. I think it's really about having a good support network to encourage you and talk you out of it. We have a good support group here, but it's less about encouragement and living life. If you want to PM me I can talk to you about it.

Could you PM me?

 

[chris8000]

It sounds like your going through immense emotional loss, but your post suggests that you on some level still want to live when I read it. Because you are having problems going through with it and writing in this way. I think this is actually a sign you shouldn't CTB, because that is the kind of decision you want to be 100% sure on.

For me, I spent a long time trying hard to get better over the years and eventually realised it was not going to happen and so CTB makes complete sense to me, and I don't have any real doubt about that, I am not happy with the situation, but this is how it is. For you, as @Daffodil says, if you get some support it may be possible that things improve. Wishing you all the best and we are here for you regardless