Venting I wish someone would just stick up for me

[Pisceslilith]

I'm not a big a fan of people but I really need someone right now. I wish someone would just have my back, stick up for me for once. Comfort me, protect me, take me away from this place. Seeing my abuser be sided with for so many fucking years (even till this day) is driving me fucking nuts. This is how I know karma isn't real. Their life isn't amazing but they're definitely not suffering consequences for their actions and it's killing me inside. Everyday these memories haunt me, they make me nauseous, anxious, I don't know how much I can take anymore. And they thinks they have the right to be angry because I don't associate myself with them. I avoid them because their whole entire existence is a trigger for me, then they purposely set off my triggers with loud noises. I want nothing but the worse for them. I despise them so much, I really hate that we are related. I'll never forget being humiliated and gaslighted in the psych's office as a kid. Them telling me things like "we don't know if it actually happened or not", "you can't even remember the age it happened" (implying because my memories are distorted then it's not true", "they don't understand or realize what they did". So many things that I can't remember. I can't tell which is more traumatizing, the trauma itself or the invalidation from adults who I was crying out for help to just for them to spit it in my face. Then they claim they're a "support system". WHERES THE FUCKING SUPPORT THEN? I needed someone and nobody came. Nothing makes me more angry than seeing someone get away with things they weren't supposed to and have people supporting them as well. I can't wait to get out of this place. I can't remember what it's like feel safe. I don't even feel safe in my own body. I feel like I'm trapped in an extremely suffocating suit that I could never take off. I just wanted someone to understand me, to not invalidate me. I just wanted someone to be there, but it's all too late now. Because I'm so use to shitty behavior, someone validating me would make feel uncomfortable or it would feel like nothing. What's wrong with me? Why are people like this towards me? Why is my life the way that it is? I know I'm not a good person but I still can't understand this type of life. How am I expected to act like I want to live when I don't want to. I have no interest in this life, no interest in myself. I'm so sick of it all.

 

[Midgardsorm]

I'm not a big a fan of people but I really need someone right now. I wish someone would just have my back, stick up for me for once. Comfort me, protect me, take me away from this place. Seeing my abuser be sided with for so many fucking years (even till this day) is driving me fucking nuts. This is how I know karma isn't real. Their life isn't amazing but they're definitely not suffering consequences for their actions and it's killing me inside. Everyday these memories haunt me, they make me nauseous, anxious, I don't know how much I can take anymore. And they thinks they have the right to be angry because I don't associate myself with them. I avoid them because their whole entire existence is a trigger for me, then they purposely set off my triggers with loud noises. I want nothing but the worse for them. I despise them so much, I really hate that we are related. I'll never forget being humiliated and gaslighted in the psych's office as a kid. Them telling me things like "we don't know if it actually happened or not", "you can't even remember the age it happened" (implying because my memories are distorted then it's not true", "they don't understand or realize what they did". So many things that I can't remember. I can't tell which is more traumatizing, the trauma itself or the invalidation from adults who I was crying out for help to just for them to spit it in my face. Then they claim they're a "support system". WHERES THE FUCKING SUPPORT THEN? I needed someone and nobody came. Nothing makes me more angry than seeing someone get away with things they weren't supposed to and have people supporting them as well. I can't wait to get out of this place. I can't remember what it's like feel safe. I don't even feel safe in my own body. I feel like I'm trapped in an extremely suffocating suit that I could never take off. I just wanted someone to understand me, to not invalidate me. I just wanted someone to be there, but it's all too late now. Because I'm so use to shitty behavior, someone validating me would make feel uncomfortable or it would feel like nothing. What's wrong with me? Why are people like this towards me? Why is my life the way that it is? I know I'm not a good person but I still can't understand this type of life. How am I expected to act like I want to live when I don't want to. I have no interest in this life, no interest in myself. I'm so sick of it all.

I'm right to assume by "abusers" you meant your family, right?

I understand a bit of trauma, being ignored and gaslighted by people.

Unfortunately it's really easy to invalidate our claims when we can't recall the details.
Our minds do this to protect us from our bad memories, however it leaves us wide open to further damage due to living in this hellish place full of demons.

Loud families are the worst, especially when you have trouble with them.

Feel free to talk to us, to me. I'll do my best to support you.

 

[forgotten15]

I am so sorry you are so tormented, i can just imagine how hurt you're feeling not being taken serious with such a sensitive matter and having to see the person who abused you around. This world is full of monsters and the worst part is they get away with it in 90% of the cases. You're damn right about the karma part.

I wish i could have the power to say something to ease your pain but i know words can't help when it comes to such suffering, so i hope you find your peace not matter the path you choose.

 

[FuneralCry]

Life really is horrible and unfair. I understand that it can be painful dealing with memories as we can never forget. I'm sorry you are suffering so much. I understand it is hard to carry on when you cannot take anymore. I hope you find the peace you are looking for.

 

[Losteverythingtwice]

You only can rely on yourself. You'll always fall short if you put reliance in others.

"Put not your trust in princes, nor in the son of man, in whom there is no help."

 

[Pluto]

I know exactly what you are going through. Of the immediate members in my family, 2 have narcissistic personality disorder and 2 are enablers. They successfully covered up all the abuse, persuaded professionals to give me bogus diagnoses, and conspired to defame me to the point where the entire wider family and community cut me off. And they do all this with a smug smile, knowing that they don't have to worry about feeling even the slightest empathy.

There are support groups for victims of narcissistic abuse on Facebook, etc. It is helpful if you just want to know that there are others who have been through the same nightmare.

Not sure what else to say without knowing your exact circumstances. I cut everyone off and left home, only to be plunged into severe social isolation/depression, PTSD with no support, feigning normality to survive on underpaying work and trying to achieve independence by purchasing an overpriced house, only to experience severe burnout where I need to sleep for 15 hours per day if not forced to get up at 3AM for work. Right now, it looks like they have won. In your case, there might be other options. But always here for you if you want to talk.

 

[Pisceslilith]

I'm right to assume by "abusers" you meant your family, right?

I understand a bit of trauma, being ignored and gaslighted by people.

Unfortunately it's really easy to invalidate our claims when we can't recall the details.
Our minds do this to protect us from our bad memories, however it leaves us wide open to further damage due to living in this hellish place full of demons.

Loud families are the worst, especially when you have trouble with them.

Feel free to talk to us, to me. I'll do my best to support you.

I'm talking about a specific person(yes I'm unfortunately related to them) Thank you so much, I really appreciate it. I'm so anxious right now.

You only can rely on yourself. You'll always fall short if you put reliance in others.

"Put not your trust in princes, nor in the son of man, in whom there is no help."

Unfortunately I'm realizing that now. I don't even have myself either.